The Lone Texan

He grinned. “Too much good Texas air?”

She almost smiled as she said, “Yes.”

“I’ll check on you.” Then he didn’t leave. He watched her. He said yet again, “I’ll be back.”

A tear slid out of her eye.

He leaned over her and frowned. “What’s wrong.” A lead-in, not a question.

Her breaths became disorganized.

He was alarmed and said, “I can take care of anything that bothers you. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I was thinking of the baby I lost.” And big old tears slid from her eyes.

He sat down on the bed and lifted her onto his lap. He told her, “That’s tough. It makes you want to rail at God, doesn’t it? Go ahead. God won’t mind. You’ll eventually understand it all. That little kid might not have made it later, either. He might have—”

“—she.”

“—she might have gotten run over by a car or something awful like that And the kid just decided it wouldn’t be long enough, and you could have another.”

She asked, “How do you know?”

Her wet face was against his neck and her thin arms were around his body. He held her on his lap, sitting there on the bed. He replied, “My guardian angel explained it all to me just now.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You’ve never talked to your guardian angel? Who do you quarrel with when you want to do something and the guardian shakes his head and says Nuhuh.”

There was silence. Then she said, “What did you want to do that the guardian said not to?”

“It’s too long a story to tell you, now. I’ll tell you the whole kaboodle another time. Why not lie here a while and snooze. I’ll wake you when I come back to lunch.”

“We’ll see.”

“Is it food or me you don’t like?”

“Food.”

“Well... We’ll let you watch me eat and you can go on starving.”

And again she said, “We’ll see.”

“Let me see your face. I can wipe tears away real easy.”

He leaned back and exposed her to the light. Her eyelashes were wet and her eyes were closed. She was too thin and very pale. His heart squeezed. “You’re a nuisance, do you know that? I’ve got all this work to do and here you are, lying on the bed and wanting atten—”

“I do not! You’ve been intrusive and bossy and obnoxious!”

He said, “Well, yes. You’re fragile and skinny and no threat at all so I could just go ahead and say what I wanted. Do you realize how seldom I get to say anything I want to?”

“Go nurse the lepers.”

“My grandmother said that! Who told it to you?”

“My grandmother.”

“Well, it’s one of those realities that you can’t knock down. It’s truth. There are always people who are worse off than us. And I think it’s real nasty to pull it out at a time of stress and wallop a perfectly upset person with such a comment.”

“Me, too.”

“You’d rather wallow in being unhappy.”

“Yes.”

He considered that with some elaborate thoughtfulness before he said, “I can see that. For a while. But the time comes when you ought to let the bad stuff go and look ahead. How long’s it been now?”

“Five months and two days.”

“Well, I can see you being upset the rest of that sixth month. Then I’ll expect you to straighten up.”

“Yes.”

“But you’ll have to begin eating again. You’re skin and bones.”

“I wanted to die, too.”

“Naw. You can’t do something like that. Nobody would understand and they’d all be irritated with you. You are strong and you—Hush! I’m talking—and you have to cope. It’s a real nuisance but that’s the way things work. You cope.”

“Damn.”

There on the bed, he held her on his lap and rocked gently. He commented, “If you get a quarter of the good stuff, you can’t complain. Lots of people have it worse than that. You’re killing yourself by not taking care of you. That’s dumb. No! Stop that! I’m giving you good advice that I’ve had. Straighten up and behave and quit feeling sorry for yourself. Let your lost baby go. Have another. Don’t compare them or think the first one would’a been perfect.”

With leaking tears, she had to shake her head and smile. She said, “You are so rough. I wonder if you’ve ever soothed a woman.”

“What the hell do you think I’m doing now? Here—hush—I’ve spent all this time straightening you out when I was supposed to go out and help a mare birth twins, and I’ve let that poor horse do it all by herself with only a dozen or so men with her, and I’ve given you all this valuable time to straighten you out! You’ve exhausted me. Move over and let me lie down, too. I’m worn to a nub!”

She shook her head and laughed through her tears. “You’re impossible.”

He said, “Since we’re in your bed and nobody’s around and I’m free, why don’t you smooth me down and make me feel better.”

She watched him carefully. She said, “Shame on you.”

He pried himself up and sighed very dramatically. “I did try.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll see you at noon. Behave. I’ll be back.”