Almost Forever: An emotional debut perfect for fans of Jojo Moyes

‘I make you nervous, don’t I?’ he said, moving closer and trailing his fingertips from my shoulder to my jaw in one smooth motion.

‘Cut it out!’ I warned him, but he kept moving closer with a voice as smooth as velvet that carried an electrical charge that made me quiver.

‘I’m going to kiss you,’ he warned me and I snapped my head up in his direction.

He was looking at me intensely and it seemed like this was the first ever time I’d looked at him.

He was mesmerising with his lips set in a teasing smile, his green eyes flashing with excitement, and his skin shining gold under the midday sun.

‘D-o-n-t y-o-u d-a-r-e,’ I said through gritted teeth, even if my body wanted the exact opposite. It was too scary to admit that my feelings for him were much more complicated than I’d ever realised, too scary to look him and admit how attractive he was, too scary to find out that my body was responding to him in an irrepressible, uncontrollable way. I just wished I could stop shivering.

Harry leaned forward slowly, then stopped a millimetre away from me and murmured, ‘I dare you.’

Instinctively, I bit my lower lip wishing there was a way to freeze this moment so that I’d have some time to think of what to do.

‘Harry …’ I begged him with a sigh, unsure at this point what I was really pleading for. These emotions were completely new to me. My heart only went crazy when Paul was around, and now feeling this way for Harry was confusing and frightening and exhilarating, all at the same time.

He closed the small distance that separated us, with an unhurried exploratory move, keeping his eyes fixed on me.

The shock I felt when his lips touched mine was so immense it took my breath away. My heart was beating too fast, my body was shaking and my mind was completely blank as he withdrew. When I saw the look of bewilderment in his eyes, I wondered if he felt the same intensity I did. I always dreamed of Paul being my first kiss because I loved him, so why had I felt a sense of angst and fear in my tummy when my lips touched Harry’s?

I looked up at him, at my best friend, hoping that together we might be able to figure out what had just happened. When my gaze reached his face and I realised he was giving me a teasing smile, my confusion disappeared and his betrayal filled me with anger.

‘Was it good?’ he asked with a smirk and I was ready to punch his stupid smile off his mouth; but before my knuckles could connect with his face, he held my fist, wrapping his fingers around it, then moved his head to the side.

‘What now!’ I barked.

‘There, look,’ he whispered, tilting his head towards the shore. I followed the direction he was pointing, just in time to see Paul, Lizzie, and a few more of their friends, walking by us.

Given the two pedalos stranded on the shore behind them, I quickly realised that they had been out with those, and were now returning to their sun loungers. Unfortunately, that meant that they had a full view of Harry’s performance and they’d certainly seen us kissing.

I felt my cheeks blazing with flames of embarrassment and rage. My heart broke with disappointment when Paul simply walked by, unfazed by what he had witnessed, and realising that Harry had just used me for his scheming. I yanked my hand free from Harry’s grip and stood up, furious with myself for feeling hurt and disenchanted by the two people I loved the most in the world.

I wanted to cry and scream at the idea that my first kiss had been just a ruse, and that the boy who kissed me did it to impress another girl, and not because he liked me. I felt silly and naive at the realisation that this kiss didn’t mean anything for him, that it was just a game – it was make-believe. Outraged, I straightened my spine and I pushed him away with a firm shove.

‘You bastard!’ I said wiping my lips with the back of my hand. ‘Why did you do that? Do you understand that you’ve ruined the memory of my first kiss?’ I said as my anger grew exponentially, accompanied now by the hurt in my heart.

‘Because of “the plan”? I thought you were on board with it,’ he answered and I snorted in disbelief.

‘I hate you,’ I shouted to his face before running away from him and towards the house, back the way we came earlier. Harry called my name. I could hear his footsteps behind me but I didn’t stop running even if the path was uneven and full of exposed roots and rocks that hurt under my bare feet. I kept going as fast as I could until I stepped on a sharp rock, and fell on my hands and knees, badly scraping my skin.

‘Fran! Let me see,’ Harry said, running up to me and crouching down by my side.

‘Go away,’ I shouted, looking at him through the tears, glad to have an excuse for crying.

‘Let me see, come on!’ he said, but I didn’t move. ‘Stop acting like a baby,’ he added and my anger spiked. I turned to him then. My palms were shredded and both knees were bleeding.

‘There!’ I said, lifting my hands to him. The expression on his face betrayed his shock. ‘There! I hope you’re happy now. I hope Lizzie is worth this!’ I told him bitterly as tears obfuscated my vision completely, and my feelings clouded my judgement.

‘I’m so sorry, Fran,’ he said, drying my cheeks with gentle fingers. ‘I was an idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking.’ He cradled me in his arms, his gesture only marginally soothing the pain and the anger. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,’ he said again, kissing the top of my head. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ I couldn’t tell if he understood that the scraped knees and the grazed palms were not as painful as the ache in my heart.

We stayed there, without talking, sitting in the undergrowth for a little while longer.

‘You were my first kiss too, Fran,’ he said with an embarrassed look in his eyes. That soothed me but also scared me, almost as much as the strange heat I felt building inside my stomach. That kiss had been such a shock, such a blast of unexpected emotions. I had to wonder if perhaps my feelings for Harry were not just pure and simple friendship. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and decided that it didn’t matter. Nothing could ever happen with Paul if I started something with Harry now – and that was the cold shower I needed to clear my head.

‘Let’s never talk about what happened,’ I said softly. ‘We’re just friends. Do you understand that we can never be anything more than that?’ I asked and he nodded.

My knees were still bleeding and my hands were smarting, so eventually Harry took charge of the situation. ‘Let’s go,’ he said, helping me up and supporting me. We walked back to the villa. Before we walked through the door, my heart was hurting more than my hands and knees, but I pretended otherwise.

‘Not a word to anyone – nothing can ever happen between us,’ I reminded him when we reached the door.

‘Sure, if that’s what you want,’ said Harry, helping me inside. His eyes were guarded when my gaze met his.

‘Yes, that’s exactly what I want,’ I confirmed – for both of us.

Everything changed for us that summer. Even though we pretended that nothing had happened and carried on as we always did, Harry and I never quite regained that easy way we used to have around each other. At the same time Paul started to avoid me at school and at home, even more than he already did before, leaving me to pine.

It took us four years to eventually recover from what happened that day, and only when Paul and I finally got together did my relationship with Harry settle back into a comfortable, solid friendship.

***

‘One cup of tea.’ Harry enters the room with two steaming cups in one hand and a plate in the other. ‘And a bagel with salmon and rocket.’

‘Thanks,’ I say, trying to shake off the ghost of the past.

Harry places the plate on the coffee table, then steps closer to pass me the mug. I lift my arm towards him to get it, and a stinging pain shoots straight into the back of my neck, making me cry out. I suck in air through my gritted teeth at the dull ache it leaves behind. The left side of my neck is so painfully knotted that I can hardly move without a flash of agony slashing right through my brain. When Harry looks at me with a worried frown, I just wave his concern away with a flap of my hand.

‘It’s nothing. Just a tension headache,’ I say, gently rubbing the top of my shoulder.

‘Can I help?’ he asks and I know he is really concerned about me.

‘I’ll be fine,’ I say, taking the cup of tea from him and trying to minimise the effect of the shooting pain.

I know my attempt has failed when he says, ‘You don’t look well, Fran. Maybe it’s time to visit the doctor?’

He’s right – of course he is right. I just don’t want to admit it. I can’t keep any of my food down lately due to my constant stomach cramps, probably from the food poisoning still.

I’m not sleeping well and I have a constant splitting headache too, but I don’t want to go to the doctor because she’d just ask me to take it easy, to relax, to take some time to look after myself. I can’t do that right now, because Paul needs me – certainly more than I need sleep.

‘The last person I want to see is another doctor,’ I joke bitterly but Harry is not laughing. ‘I’m okay, I promise. It’s just this constant headache today. It’s extra painful for some reason,’ I say, closing my eyes for a minute, and pressing firmly against the tender spot on my shoulder. I dig in with my knuckles, trying to get some relief.

‘Paul will get better soon. It’s just a matter of a few more days. We just have to be patient,’ I say really wishing that was the truth.

‘Fran …’ Harry is about to say something, but before he can continue, a knock at the door booms across the corridor, interrupting him. I open my eyes in surprise.

‘Are you expecting someone?’ he asks.

I shake my head. ‘I have no idea,’ I tell him when he stands up.