Playing with Dynamite

“She probably brought in an army of male strippers,” Brick muttered under his breath.

“Only one,” Lisa countered. She must have registered his disapproval because she quickly went on. “But my birthday’s not the real issue. It just helped me confirm what’s been on my mind for a long time. The issue is that I want a baby.”

Brick thumbed another tablet from the roll and popped it into his mouth. “Thirty’s still young.”

“I know, but I don’t want to wait until I’m thirty-five or forty and feeling desperate.” Lisa pushed back her hair. “It’s hard to explain, Brick. I just have this strong, strong feeling that now is when I want to have a baby.”

There was dead silence except for him crunching the tablet between his teeth. Brick felt Lisa’s expectant gaze on him. Marriage. His stomach twisted violently. “I’m not ready.”

Another dead silence followed his words. She squared her shoulders. “That’s what I thought,” she managed in a quiet, unsteady voice.

Appearing to brace herself, she took a deep breath and gave a tremulous smile. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to try to badger you into changing your mind, and I wouldn’t be happy staying in this—” she waved her hand searchingly “—non-relationship. So we can’t keep—” Her voice broke off, and she took a few seconds to get back on track.

“I can’t tell you how much these last months have meant to me. Being with you has made me more confident. I need to thank you for that and for everything you’ve taught me about myself.” She looked away self-consciously. “And for everything you’ve taught me about men.”

Everything you’ve taught me about men! Reeling from that last statement, Brick watched in utter disbelief as Lisa rose from the bed and quickly pulled on her robe. She set his clothes on the bed beside him. Lisa was talking, but he couldn’t hear for the roar in his ears.

He got out of bed and planted himself directly in front of her. “You’re dumping me!”

Lisa blinked. “I wouldn’t really call it dumping.” Her gaze slid away from him. “Would you please get dressed?”

Frustration bucked through him. “What’s the matter? You don’t like my body anymore?”

Lisa shot him a dark look. “I never said I didn’t like your body. It’s just distracting for you to stand there stark naked when we’re trying to talk.”

Brick saw the resolute expression on her face and swore. In heated silence, he jerked on his jeans and shirt. “If you wouldn’t call it dumping, then what would you call it?”

Lisa sighed. “We want different things. I want family and commitment. You want a good time. It’s stupid for us to continue to want things from each other that we just can’t give. I’ve been reading some books on the subject, and—”

Brick groaned and sat down on the bed to pull on his shoes. Not another one of those women’s self-help books. They would be the death of him yet.

“—they say it’s better if you make a clean break in this case. It has taken me two months to be able to do it, but I think it’s for the best.” Her voice wavered as if she were fighting back tears.

Brick was dealing with a surprisingly sharp pain in his chest. He stood. “So this is it?” he asked, still not quite able to comprehend it. “After nine months of being together, this is it.”

Lisa closed her eyes, appearing to gather her composure. “I guess it is,” she finally said in a small voice as she opened her eyes. “I wish—” She pressed her lips together and shook her head as if she’d made a vow not to make any more wishes concerning him.

With every passing second, she seemed to grow farther and farther away from him. She’d taken him by surprise, and he was left not knowing what to do. He’d been completely faithful to her and as thoughtful as he knew how to be. He’d also, however, assumed he had the upper hand in their relationship and always evaded any discussion about commitment. He was battling confusion at the same time he realized that she meant what she was saying. She meant to end it, and he wasn’t ready for that either. He plowed his fingers through his hair, not knowing what the hell to do or say. “Can I kiss you?”

Wrapping her arms around herself, Lisa took a step back. She shook her head again. “I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Her refusal cut like a knife. “Then why’d you go—” He gestured toward the bed.

“I—I hadn’t really intended to, but you—”

“But I was ready and raring to go the second I saw you. Like I always am,” he finished in disgust, recalling her slight hesitation when he’d kissed the breath out of her and carried her to bed. Feeling lost, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I guess this is goodbye.”

Lisa’s eyes welled with tears. “I guess it is,” she whispered.

Brick walked to the front door and put his hand on the cold doorknob. He hesitated. This was nuts. Maybe they could talk about it some more. Maybe Lisa could wait a little longer. Wait for what? his conscience chided. He was never going to get married and have children. Something inside him rebelled at the thought of not being with her anymore, though. Having no idea what he could say, he turned. “Lisa?”

“Go on,” Lisa urged. Her body was more shadow than substance in the dark hallway, but her voice was sure. “You’ve already said goodbye.”

With a bitter taste in his mouth, Brick opened the door and walked out.

Lisa didn’t breathe until she heard his footsteps completely fade away. Panic squeezed her chest like a huge rubber band, and she breathed so quickly, she feared she might hyperventilate. She grabbed a paper bag from a cabinet beneath the kitchen sink and yanked it over her head. She concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply.

Lord help her, she’d done it. After two months of rehearsing and letting futile wishes die, she’d ended her relationship with Brick Pendleton.

It would be easier to dismiss Brick if he were shallow or cruel, but Lisa knew better. He’d been fair and square with her from the beginning. Marriage wasn’t in his plans, he’d told her, and she’d accepted his stand until her feelings had grown to where she couldn’t conceal them. She knew Brick had been promoted to a division director in his business because of his hard work, honesty and fairness. He had the respect of not only his profession, but the whole community.

He was a man of action and compassion. When the Midwest had suffered from horrible floods, he’d organized a relief program that had benefited the flood victims and the citizens of Chattanooga who’d watched the devastation on the news every night and felt helpless.

He’d been a passionate and thoughtful lover. He always held her after they made love, and there’d been a few times she sensed the holding had been as much for him as it had been for her.

And she’d just told him goodbye.

“It’s the right thing to do,” she repeated to herself for the two hundredth time, and pulled the bag from her head.

She turned off the lights and went back to her bedroom. The bed was a tumbled mess, and the air seemed to mock her with his scent. Ignoring the quick clutch in her heart, Lisa stripped the bed and immediately tossed the sheets into the washer. She sprayed air freshener until she nearly choked from the “fresh spring” scent.

Lisa would be the first to admit she’d never been comfortable around men. Since she was a child, she’d always been the tallest girl in the class, and she hadn’t carried her height gracefully until a few years before when she’d stopped trying so hard to figure out how to attract men. Ironically, at the same time it seemed men had begun to notice her, but Lisa had plunged herself into making her catering business a success. Except for an occasional date, she focused her time and energy on her career. It was something she found she had a measure of control over, and that gave her the biggest rush she’d ever experienced.

Until Brick. When she’d first started dating him, one of her friends had warned her that she was playing with dynamite. Lisa had laughed and assumed the woman was making a little pun since Brick was an expert in demolition. Now, however, she knew the truth. Brick had turned her life upside down. He’d made her acutely aware of her femininity, her sexuality and, ultimately, her womanhood. Although he would be horrified to know it, he was responsible for bringing the desire for hearth and home to the surface.

For years Lisa had buried her secret wishes and desires beneath a more practical facade, but now she could no longer ignore the wishes of the real Lisa. The real Lisa had the audacity to want a man to share her life with, and a baby. According to five books she’d read in the last few months, there was no reason she couldn’t have what she wanted. It just took a little strategy and a lot of practicality, starting with the end of her non-relationship with Brick.

She looked at the sets of sheets in her linen closet and felt a strange tug. Brick had made love to her on every single set except one. Desperately fighting back a wave of melancholy, she unwrapped the brand-new sheets and put them on her queen-size bed. She took a shower in an attempt to delete the memory of his most recent possession of her.

Her teeth brushed and hair dried, Lisa turned off the light and slipped beneath the covers. The sheets were crisp to the point of scratchy. Her head ached from the too-sweet scent of the air freshener. Her eyes burned from holding back tears. Her stomach felt sick with regret. And her heart, oh Lord, her heart just plain hurt.

Suddenly, it was too much. She closed her eyes against hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Her body jerked from a broken sob. She’d known it was going to hurt, but she’d never dreamed she’d feel ripped apart. All her spraying and washing might get rid of Brick on the outside. But how, she wondered, could she get rid of him on the inside?

Three weeks later, Lisa went out with Mark, a nice, quiet tax attorney who would probably make someone a fine husband. Although she didn’t feel the faintest spark of attraction toward him, Lisa was determined to keep an open mind. After seeing a movie, they went to the bar where she’d first met Brick. She was uneasy from the moment she set foot in the place. She’d done her best to avoid Brick and the places they’d frequented.

Her skin buzzing with trepidation, she ordered a Margarita to calm her nerves. An odd mix of disappointment and relief fell over her when she didn’t see Brick, and she made idle conversation with the oh-so-serious tax attorney. Spotting a business associate, her date excused himself. In his absence, Lisa stared at the table and easily recalled the dozens of reasons why she’d always hated first dates.

“How’ve you been, Lisa?”

The low, husky voice jerked her attention away from the tabletop. Lisa stared at Brick, taking in his tousled brown hair and questioning eyes.

The memory of the first moment they’d met hit her like a cyclone. He carried his size with masculine ease. That was the first thing that had impressed her. She’d had a difficult time keeping her gaze off of him as he stood across the room at the bar. And she’d been shocked when he’d looked back. Not surprisingly, there’d been a woman standing beside him trying to get his attention. He’d been distantly polite while he finished his bottle of beer and kept his gaze trained on Lisa.

Lisa had grown so uncomfortable that she’d deliberately looked away and thought about making her excuses to her friends and leaving. When he’d shown up beside her table with a smile that said, “I’m harmless,” and violet eyes that said, “You’re mine,” it was all she could do to breathe, let alone speak.

Tonight, the violet eyes said the same thing, but there was no playful, harmless grin. She didn’t know if it was fear, passion or insanity, but her pulse skipped into double time.

He wore a white shirt open at the neck, the sleeves casually folded up. The light color emphasized his tan and brought her attention to his throat where, she’d learned, he was a little ticklish. They used to play a game where she nuzzled his neck with kisses and he would try not to laugh. She allowed her gaze to fall to his strong forearms. How many times had he lifted her and carried her as if she weighed no more than a child?