Hand-Me-Down

“Keebler? Like the elves?”

“If you meet him,” Rip said, “that’s the first thing you shouldn’t ask. Anyway, he’s big into low-impact, green construction. Fell in love with the place.”

“I thought you couldn’t build up there.”

“Green construction, Annie. He’s gonna put up tents. Or yurts or something, a cistern, solar energy, the whole deal.”

I shook my head. “Will it actually close?”

“I spoke to the lender. It’s a go.” A gleam came into his eyes. “I’m thinking I deserve a reward.”

“Oh, is that what you think?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He put his hands on my hips and pulled me close. “That was a good movie last night.”

We’d watched Secretary on video. “You want me to play your secretary?”

“You are my secretary.”

I nipped his ear. “Office manager.”

“Even better.” He nuzzled me. “Besides, you told me you liked spanking.”

“When? I never!”

“You’re always begging for it.”

I started to giggle. “I am not.”

“I can’t get into bed without you shouting, ‘Smack me, baby.’”

“I have never in my life said, ‘Smack me, baby.’”

“And ‘tan my naughty ass!’”

I shoved him, laughing. “‘Tan my naughty ass?’”

“See! There you go again!” He ran his palms down my hips, took both my hands in one of his and rubbed my bottom with the other. “Just one?”

I bit my lip. “Okay. One.”

He gave my ass a wallop and his eyes lit up—meaning he was ready for business.

“Later,” I said. Because we’d agreed: never in the office. But I could still tease. I kissed his neck and wriggled as he ran his hands over me.

“You’ll play secretary tonight?” he asked, a bit breathlessly.

“Office manager.”

“Office manager it is,” he said, and spanked me again.

Rip was out all afternoon, so I had time to finish the ads before they were due. It was a near thing though, and I was halfway home before I realized I hadn’t stopped at Tazza Antiques. I wasn’t exactly bothered—if I forgot to buy the desiccated old pot, maybe Emily would agree to get something else. Something better. Like a magazine subscription.

I picked up my dog, Ny—a ridiculously red chow mix—and took him to the beach before going to my dad’s house. I stopped at Dad’s two or three times a week, to check in and mooch dinner. Actually, checking and mooching were one and the same. Because if he knew I was coming, he’d buy food. Otherwise, he’d eat cold cereal three times a day. He was a bit of an absentminded professor.

Ny romped with his dog buddies and chased seabirds through the waves until he was exhausted. I toweled him dry and helped him scramble into the cab of the pickup—he was getting chubby and needed an extra boost.

My truck was a silver Ford Ranger pickup, the Splash model with chrome wheels. I’d bought it with my Ask It Basket money—the only new vehicle I’d ever owned. If I closed my eyes and sniffed deeply, I could still smell the new-car perfume. Plus, it was half of the patented Anne Olsen System for Being Semi-Successful with Men. Step One: don’t care about long-term relationships. Men love this. They swarm. Step Two: drive a pickup. Women driving pickups are to men what men driving Armani suits are to women. Don’t ask me why.

Dad lived in the same old Victorian on the upper east side where I’d grown up. It was a mixed neighborhood, filled with old houses like my dad’s that locals had owned for thirty years, and the updated versions that wealthy L.A. people had recently bought and renovated.

Dad glanced up from his newspaper when I let myself in. “What’s hanging?”

“‘What’s hanging?’” I let Ny track his sandy paws inside and closed the door. “Where’d you hear that?”

“I like to keep up with you young people,” he said.

“I don’t know, Dad. I don’t feel so young anymore.”

“Of course.” He shook his newspaper derisively. “You’re bent with age at twenty-six.”

“Nine,” I said. “Twenty-nine.”

“Really?” he said. “That is old.”

“What?”

He laughed. You’d think after twenty-nine years, I’d know when he was teasing.

“Still gullible as a teenager,” he said. “Have you eaten?”

“Of course not.” I headed for the kitchen. “What’s for dinner?”

“Stuffed pork chops. You’re staying?”

“I am for pork chops.”

He followed me into the kitchen and checked the oven. Two pork chops and two potatoes were already baking.

“Why two?” I asked. “Am I stealing one of yours?”

“No,” he said, “I was making leftovers for tomorrow.”

I glanced upstairs. “You haven’t got a woman hiding in your bedroom, waiting for me to leave?”

“Of course not,” he said. “She’s in the bathroom.”

“Oh! Sorry! I should’ve called—” I saw his expression. “Ha-ha. Very funny.” I opened the fridge and grabbed a soda. “But the way you play the field, I keep expecting to hear you eloped.”