Оценить:
 Рейтинг: 0

Venus in Furs

Год написания книги
2018
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 >>
На страницу:
5 из 8
Настройки чтения
Размер шрифта
Высота строк
Поля

‘Let me finish. It is only man’s egoism which wants to keep woman like some buried treasure. All endeavours to introduce permanence in love, the most changeable thing in this changeable human existence, have suffered shipwreck in spite of religious ceremonies, vows and legalities. Can you deny that our Christian world has given itself over to corruption?’

‘But –’

‘But you are about to say, the individual who rebels against the arrangements of society is ostracised, branded, stoned. So be it. I am willing to take the risk; my principles are very pagan. I will live my own life as it pleases me. I am willing to do without your hypocritical respect; I prefer to be happy. The inventors of the Christian marriage have done well, simultaneously to invent immortality. I, however, have no wish to live eternally. When with my last breath everything as far as Wanda von Dunajew is concerned comes to an end here below what does it profit me whether my pure spirit joins the choirs of angels, or whether my dust goes into the formation of new beings? Shall I belong to one man whom I don’t love, merely because I have once loved him? No, I do not renounce; I love everyone who pleases me, and give happiness to everyone who loves me. Is that ugly? No, it is more beautiful by far, than if cruelly I enjoy the tortures which my beauty excites and virtuously reject the poor fellow who is pining away for me. I am young, rich, and beautiful, and I live serenely for the sake of pleasure and enjoyment.’

While she was speaking her eyes sparkled roguishly, and I had taken hold of her hands without exactly knowing what to do with them, but being a genuine dilettante I hastily let go of them again.

‘Your frankness,’ I said, ‘delights me, and not it alone –’

My confounded dilettantism again throttled me as though there were a rope around my neck.

‘You were about to say –’

‘I was about to say – I was – I am sorry – I interrupted you.’

‘How, so?’

A long pause. She is doubtless engaging in a monologue, which translated into my language would be comprised in the single word, ‘donkey’.

‘If I may ask,’ I finally began, ‘how did you arrive at these – these conclusions?’

‘Quite simply, my father was an intelligent man. From my cradle onwards I was surrounded by replicas of ancient art; at ten years of age I read Gil Blas, at twelve La Pucelle. Where others had Tom Thumb, Bluebeard, Cinderella, as childhood friends, mine were Venus and Apollo, Hercules and Laocoön. My husband’s personality was filled with serenity and sunlight. Not even the incurable illness which fell upon him soon after our marriage could long cloud his brow. On the very night of his death he took me in his arms, and during the many months when he lay dying in his wheelchair, he often said jokingly to me: “Well, have you already picked out a lover?” I blushed with shame. “Don’t deceive me,” he added on one occasion, “that would seem ugly to me, but pick out an attractive lover, or preferably several. You are a splendid woman, but still half a child, and you need toys.”

‘I suppose, I hardly need tell you that during his lifetime I had no lover; but it was through him that I have become what I am, a woman of Greece.’

‘A goddess,’ I interrupted.

‘Which one,’ she smiled.

‘Venus.’

She threatened me with her finger and knitted her brows. ‘Perhaps, even a “Venus in Furs”. Watch out, I have a large, very large fur, with which I could cover you up entirely, and I have a mind to catch you in it as in a net.’

‘Do you believe,’ I said quickly, for an idea which seemed good, in spite of its conventionality and triteness, flashed into my head, ‘do you believe that your theories could be carried into execution at the present time, that Venus would be permitted to stray with impunity among our railroads and telegraphs in all her undraped beauty and serenity?’

‘ Undraped, of course not, but in furs,’ she replied smiling. ‘Would you care to see mine?’

‘And then –’

‘What then?’

‘Beautiful, free, serene, and happy human beings, such as Greeks were, are only possible when it is permitted to have slaves who will perform the prosaic tasks of every day for them and above all else labour for them.’

‘Of course,’ she replied playfully, ‘an Olympian divinity, such as I am, requires a whole army of slaves. Beware of me!’

‘Why?’

I myself was frightened at the hardiness with which I uttered this ‘why’; it did not startle her in the least.

She drew back her lips a little so that her small white teeth became visible, and then said lightly, as if she were discussing some trifling matter, ‘Do you want to be my slave?’

‘There is no equality in love,’ I replied solemnly. ‘Whenever it is a matter of choice for me of ruling or being ruled, it seems much more satisfactory to me to be the slave of a beautiful woman. But where shall I find the woman who knows how to rule, calmly, full of self-confidence, even harshly, and not seek to gain her power by means of petty nagging?’

‘Oh, that might not be so difficult.’

‘You think –’

‘I – for instance –’ she laughed and leaned far back – ‘I have a real talent for despotism – I also have the necessary furs – but last night you were really seriously afraid of me!’

‘Quite seriously.’

‘And now?’

‘Now, I am more afraid of you than ever!’

We are together every day, I and – Venus; we are together a great deal. We breakfast in my honeysuckle arbour, and have tea in her little sitting-room. I have an opportunity to unfold all my small, very small talents. Of what use would have been my study of all the various sciences, my playing at all the arts, if I were unable in the case of a pretty, little woman –

But this woman is by no means little; in fact she impresses me tremendously. I made a drawing of her today, and felt particularly clearly how inappropriate the modern way of dressing is for a cameo-head like hers. The configuration of her face has little of the Roman, but much of the Greek.

Sometimes I should like to paint her as Psyche, and then again as Astarte. It depends upon the expression in her eyes, whether it is vaguely dreamy, or half-consuming, filled with tired desire. She, however, insists that it be a portrait-likeness.

I shall make her a present of furs.

How could I have any doubts? If not for her, for whom would princely furs be suitable?

I was with her yesterday evening, reading the Roman Elegies to her. Then I laid the book aside, and improvised something for her. She seemed pleased; rather more than that, she actually hung upon my words, and her bosom heaved.

Or was I mistaken.

The rain beat in melancholy fashion on the windowpanes, the fire crackled in the fireplace in wintery comfort. I felt quite at home with her, and for a moment lost all my fear of this beautiful woman; I kissed her hand, and she permitted it.

Then I sat down at her feet and read a short poem I had written for her.

Venus in Furs

Place thy foot upon thy slave,

Oh thou, half of hell, half of dreams;

Among the shadows, dark and grave,

Thy extended body softly gleams.

And so on. This time I really got beyond the first stanza. At her request I gave her the poem in the evening, keeping no copy. And now as I am writing this down in my diary I can only remember the first stanza.

I am filled with a very curious sensation. I don’t believe that I am in love with Wanda; I am sure that at our first meeting, I felt nothing of the lightning-like flashes of passion. But I feel how her extraordinary, really divine beauty is gradually winding magic snares about me. It isn’t any spiritual sympathy which is growing in me; it is a physical subjection, coming on slowly, but for that reason more absolutely.

I suffer under it more and more each day, and she – she merely smiles.
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 >>
На страницу:
5 из 8