Charles Lever, His Life in His Letters, Vol. II

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Villa Morelli, Friday, Nov. 3, 1866.

“I am rather out of spirits, – indeed I feel that my public and myself are at cross-purposes.

“D – their souls – (God forgive me) – but they go on repeating some stone-cold drollery of old Pam’s, and my fun – hot and piping – is left un-tasted; and as to wisdom, I’ll back O’Dowd against all the mock aphorisms of Lord Russell and his whole Cabinet. It would not do to touch Palmerston in O’D.: I could not go on the intensely laudatory tack, and any – the very slightest – qualification of praise would be ill taken. Do you know the real secret of P.‘s success? It was, that he never displayed ambition till he was a rich man. Had Disraeli reserved himself in the same degree, there would have been nothing of all the rotten cant of ‘adventurer,’ &c., that we now hear against him. Begin life rich in England, and all things will be added to you.”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Villa Morelli, Florence, Nov. 6,1865.

“I think the Bagmen deserve an ‘O’Dowd’; their impertinent wine discussion is too much to bear. I don’t suspect the general public will dislike seeing them lashed, and from the specimens I have met travelling, I owe some of the race more than I have given them.

“I think there is a good chance of a (short-lived) Conservative Government next year, and then Gladstone and le Déluge. Unless some great change resolves the two parties in the House into real open enemies (not camps where deserters cross and recross any day), we shall have neither political honesty nor good government.

“The present condition of things makes a lukewarm public and disreputable politicians.”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Villa Morelli, Florence, Nov. 11, 1866.

“I would have sent another chapter to ‘Sir Brook,’ but that I have been sick and ill, – a sort of feverish cold, with a headache little short of madness. I am over it now, but very low and spiritless and unfit for work…

“I have got a long letter from Whiteside this morning: he thinks that the conduct of the Palmerston Whigs will decide the question as to who should govern the country. It is, however, decided that Gladstone is to smash the Irish Education scheme and to overturn the Church.

“I had written to him to press upon his friend the importance of restoring Hudson to his Embassy in the event of the Derby party coming to power, and he sent my letter as it was to Lord Malmes-bury, though it contained some rather sharp remarks on Lord M.‘s conduct while at F. O. He (W.) says Lord M. asked to keep the letter, and wrote a very civil reply.

“Look carefully to ‘Sir B.’ for me, for my head is a stage below correction. I composed some hundred O’Ds. in doggerel the night before last, and (I hear) laughed immoderately in my sleep.”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Villa Morelli, Florence, Nov. 30, 1866.

“If I be right, Lord R. will dodge both parties, say ‘No’ to neither, and, while cajoling the old Palmerston Whigs not to desert him, he’ll by certain Radical appointments conciliate that party and bribe them to wait. In this sense I have written the O’Dowd, ‘The Man at the Wheel.’ I think it reasonably good. That is, if my prediction be true: otherwise it won’t do at all; but we’ll have time to see before we commit ourselves.

“I hope you’ll like it, as also the sterner one on ‘Hospitalities ex-officio.’

“The post here is now very irregular, – indeed since we’re a capital the place has gone to the devil. I don’t know whether the dulness or the dearness be greatest.

“The Radicals, waiting for reform and taking the destruction of the Irish Church meanwhile, remind one of Nelson’s coxwain’s saying when asked if he would have a glass of rum or a tumbler of punch, that ‘he’d be drinking the rum while her ladyship was mixing the punch.’ Ireland is to be complimented for her projected rebellion by fresh concessions. Never was there such a splendid policy.

“The Italians say, ‘The toad got no tail at the creation of the world because he never asked for one.’ Certes, my countrymen won’t be deficient in their caudal appendages on such grounds.

“I am hipped by bad weather, undeveloped gout, and other ills too numerous to mention, but still – ”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Spezzia, Dec. 4, 1866.

“In reply to your note, and its enclosure referring to a passage in one of my late ‘O’Dowds’ that an admiral is a sort of human rhinoceros, &c., I have simply to say that the joke is a very sorry one, and one of the worst I have ever uttered, if it give offence; but I most distinctly declare that I never entertained the most distant idea of a personality. Indeed my whole allusion was to the externals of admirals, – a certain gruffness, &c., which in itself is much too superficial a trait to include a personality.

“That I could say anything offensive to or of a service from which I have received nothing but politeness and courtesy, and some of whose members I regard as my closest and best friends, seems so impossible a charge against me that I know not how to answer it. Indeed nothing is left for me but a simple denial of intention. It then remains, perhaps, to apologise for an expression which may be misapprehended. I do so just as frankly. I think the men who so read me, read me wrongfully. No matter; my fault it is that I should be open to such misconstruction, and I ask to be forgiven for it.

“So much of reparation is in my power (if time permit), and I would ask you to assist me to it – to omit the entire passage when you republish the papers in a volume.

“Will you, in any form that you think best, convey the explanation and the amends to the writer of the note you have enclosed?”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Villa Morelli, Florence, Dec. 4, 1866.

“I have just read the note you enclosed me calling my attention to my having said that an admiral was a sort of ‘human rhinoceros.’ I beg to recant the opinion, and when opportunity serves I will do so publicly, and declare that I believe them to be the most thin-skinned of mortals, otherwise there was nothing in the paragraph referred to which could give the slightest offence.

“To impute a personality to it would be for the reader to attach the passage to some one to whom he thought it applicable, if there be such.

“When they mentioned vice or bribe,
It’s so pat to all the tribe,
Each cried that was levelled at me.

“Now I had not the vaguest idea of a personality; I was simply chronicling a sort of professional gruffness and mysteriousness, – both admirable in the way of discipline, doubtless, but not so agreeable socially as the gifts of younger and less responsible men.

“Omit the whole passage, however, when you republish the papers; and accept my assurance that if ever I mention an admiral again, I will insert the word ‘bishop’ in my MS., and only correct it with the proof.

“It is not easy to be serious in replying to such a charge of ‘doing something prejudicial to the service.’ There is no accounting, however, for phraseology, as Mr Carter called the loss of his right eye ‘a domestic calamity.’

“Once more, I never meant offence. I never went within a thousand miles of a personality; and if ever I mention the sea-service again, I hope I may be in it.

“P.S. – Make the fullest disclaimer on my part, if you can, to the quarter whence came the letter, as to either offence or personality, – but more particularly the latter. I am only sorry that the letter, not being addressed to myself, does not enable me to reply to the writer with this assurance.”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Florence, Dec. 7.

“Out of deference to my wife’s opinion I wrote a mild disclaimer that might satisfy Admiral Kellett as to my intentions, &c. I have, since I wrote, heard confidentially that the Maltese authorities are trying to bring the matter before F. O. Now I am resolved not to make a very smallest submission, or even to go to the barest extent of an explanation.

“The only ‘personality in the article was the reference to an admiral that I respected and admired. I am perfectly ready to maintain that this was not Admiral Kellett.

“If you like to forward my first note, do so, but on no account let the civil one reach him. Indeed very little reconsideration showed me that such an appeal as K.‘s bespoke a consummate ass, and ought not to be treated seriously. This will explain why I despatched a telegram to you this morning to use the first, not the amended, letter. My first thoughts are, I know, always my best.

“I shall be delighted if they make an F. O. affair of it: to have an opportunity of telling the cadets there what I think of the ‘Authority.’ and how much respect I attach to their ‘opinion,’ would cure me of the attack that is now making my foot fizz with pain.

“I am annoyed with myself for being so much annoyed as all this; but if you knew to what lengths I went to make these bluejackets enjoy themselves, – what time, money, patience, pleasantry, and bitter beer I spent in their service, – you would see that this sort of requital is more than a mere worry.”

To Mr John Blackwood.

“Florence, Dec. 1865.

“My wife is miserable at the sharp note I sent in reply to the admiral. She says it was all wrong, “because, as I never did mean a personality, I ought to have no hesitation in saying as much, &c, &c.