The Cowboy Father

Louisa opened her mouth to answer, then realized it would be inappropriate to speak of her concerns. “We’re getting a routine established.” Heaven help her if this was the regular pattern she’d be forced to follow.

“The little one is a tad spoiled, though I suppose it’s to be expected. There’s just the two of them.”

“And you.”

Auntie May snorted. “The child barely knows me. Besides, I’m just an old spinster.” She bent to pet the cats crowding around her ankles.

Louisa wanted to see her expression. She longed to see acceptance and peace in Auntie May’s eyes. Needed to know being a spinster wasn’t an unhappy fate.

Louisa straightened her spine. She would become a happy spinster doing things to help others and bringing joy to herself as well. She’d start by showing Ellie it was fun to learn. She’d help the child deal with the boredom of her body cast. It would take more wisdom than her limited experience offered, but she could ask Adele for help, and she could pray. After all, hadn’t God said in James chapter one, verse five, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” It was one of the verses Father had Louisa and her sisters memorize.

Emmet emerged from the room. “Miss Morgan, please call me if Ellie needs to go the bathroom again.” His voice and expression clearly said what his words didn’t. He judged her unkind and unreasonable to not allow his child such basics.

“Of course.” She knew full well there was no point in saying she had asked and Ellie had denied such a need. This battle was between Ellie and herself. With renewed determination, she returned to the child’s bedside.

At noon, when she was done for the day, she’d made absolutely no progress with the planned lessons. Ellie insisted she didn’t know or couldn’t remember anything and refused to do any work.

Louisa emerged from the room, knowing her hair was mussed and her face likely flushed from frustration and fighting back tears. Why had she thought she could do this job? A bubble of self-pity whispered she was totally useless, but Louisa ignored it. Fought back. She wasn’t useless. Not in every aspect. She could help this child if Ellie allowed it.

Emmet walked her out, waiting until they were out of earshot to speak his mind. “I sense you and Ellie are not getting along.”

“Miss Ross said I might encounter resistance. After all, Ellie has lost her freedom. On top of that, everything is new. Familiar things are gone.” Let him think the latter observation came from Adele as well, even though Louisa spoke her own thoughts. “Her only defense is—” she wanted to say defiance, but doubted Emmet would appreciate such a description “—is to exert what little independence she has left. I believe she will soon tire of it and find there are more enjoyable ways to pass the time.”

He looked doubtful. Louisa feared he would tell her not to return. But after several seconds’ consideration, he sighed heavily. “You’re right about one thing. She’s lost everything. She can hardly be blamed for feeling out of sorts.”

“She hasn’t lost everything, though.” Her words were quiet, coming from a place full of certainty that Emmet was more than enough for this child. “She has you.”

“She’ll always have me.”

She nodded, though words pushed at her lips, wanting to warn that he couldn’t promise such.

“As long as I live.” He clenched his fists. “And I fully intend to raise her in such a way that even if something happened to me—God forbid—she would never feel like I was gone. I’d be in her thoughts and in her actions every day.”

Peace filled Louisa. “Exactly what my father did.”

Their gazes connected, forged a single thought about fathers and daughters…how each needed the other. How sweet the relationship.

Louisa tipped her head away first. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” It was half a question, but he nodded.

“Until tomorrow then.”

She climbed behind the wheel of their old, unreliable automobile and turned toward home. She admired Emmet’s devotion to his child. It reminded her of the love her father had lavished on her and her sisters. Louisa smiled as fond memories of her father filled her thoughts. Ellie was a fortunate child to know such love.

Not until she reached the turnoff did she remember that the fortunate child was also a defiant, uncooperative child. Tension grabbed the muscles of her shoulders and loosened tears. She let the car coast as she struggled to gain control.

Blinking back the moisture in her eyes, she looked at her home. Father had dreamed of operating a farm, growing crops and raising cows. But after he died and the Depression hit, the family had been forced to make sacrifices. They’d let most of the land go to the bank in exchange for the house, the outbuildings and a few acres. The Morgan family didn’t have much—their home, a barn, a cow, a calf and a reluctant garden—but it was so much more than many had. Over and over Louisa had observed families—beaten and broke—load their meager possessions to the sides and roof of their vehicle and drive away. Many couldn’t afford the gas for driving and left with bundles on their backs. She knew just how blessed she, her mother and her sisters were. Thank you, God, for allowing us to keep our home and stay together. Her illnesses brought further tightening of purse strings that were already pulled about as taut as they could go.

“I prayed for a job so I could help pay the bills. Lord, You provided one when there were none available. I am not going to accept defeat or complain that it’s hard.” She sent the car toward home at a faster pace.

Mother watched her approach from the window and came to the door as she stepped from the car. “You look exhausted. Come in and rest.” She twisted her apron in worried hands. “I’m afraid you will make yourself sick again.”

Louisa hugged her mother. “I’m fine. I have no intention of making myself sick. You can count on that.” Never again, if she had anything to say or do about it. She wouldn’t jeopardize her health. It was far too precious.

“How did your first day go?”

She longed to share her frustration with her mother, but she knew it would only worry her. “About as expected. We’re learning to adjust to each other.”

Sally stood in the kitchen doorway, her eyes watchful. Sally didn’t say much, but she saw a lot. Louisa could duck her head and avoid her sister’s keen gaze, or she could face her and let her try to guess what lay behind her words. She knew the latter was the easiest way to deal with Sally, so she smiled at her. “How was your day?”

“I’ve been busy. Clara and I went to the orphanage and put in a garden for them.”

“Good for you.” Ten to twelve children lived at the home on the hill. A barren spot without trees or flowers, but at least the children were housed and fed. They attended school and church and appeared happy enough.

Mother had lunch ready and they sat down to enjoy it. Afterward Mother went for a nap.

Sally waited until the bedroom door closed, then gave Louisa a demanding look. “Tell all. How did it really go?”

Louisa blew out a huge sigh. “Ellie refuses to learn.” She described the morning to her sister, including the part when Ellie made it sound as if Louisa wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom.

Sally drew back, looked shocked. “She sounds dreadful. Are you going back?”

“I’m not about to give up.”

“You’re stronger than I am. I wouldn’t be able to face such a situation.”

Louisa chuckled. “I’m not strong. You know that as well as I do.” Her thoughts darkened, but she refused to be controlled by her disappointment.

“You’re strong in a quiet way. Perhaps because you’ve had to fight to get over pneumonia and influenza.”

The darkness drew closer. The pain beckoned. But Louisa saw it for what it was—self-pity. And refused to open the door and invite it in. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.” She thought of Ellie. The child needed to learn how to make the best of her situation.

She’d return tomorrow and try again. She’d show Emmet she wasn’t unkind to his precious little girl.

“The kids at the orphanage are sweet. I’m going back after school is out with cookies for them. Why don’t you come with me?”

Louisa’s heart flopped in protest. See kids? The idea mocked her barrenness. “I don’t think—”

“I know what you’re going to say. You don’t want to be reminded you can’t have children of your own. But these kids will likely help you. They know how to enjoy life despite their loss and disappointment.”

Sally’s words stung. “Are you saying I don’t?”

Sally looked shocked. “I didn’t mean it like that. I only thought seeing them would cheer you up. You know…after dealing with a child who is feeling sorry for herself.”

“You might be right. I’ll go with you. I’ll even help you bake cookies.” Maybe she’d learn a thing or two about working with children who had suffered unfortunate events in their life that would help her deal with Ellie.

Somehow she had to prove to herself she could handle the job God had placed in her lap. But she wondered if He had more faith in her abilities than she did.

Over lunch Emmet listened to a litany of complaints from Ellie. Louisa was too harsh. She didn’t explain things well.