Meant-To-Be Baby

“Part of God’s plan,” he agreed with a grin.

Single mom—God’s plan? Victoria gulped. If Ben only knew.

“I don’t think God had much to do with my coming back to The Haven,” she muttered, feeling her face burn with shame. “Excuse me. I need to change before I make lunch.”

“But you said the soup—”

Victoria ignored him, scurried out of the kitchen and up the stairs as if dogs were on her heels. In the privacy of her room, she collapsed on the bed and gazed at the molded plaster ceiling.

Part of God’s plan, Ben said.As if God would be part of the mess she’d made of her life.

May the Lord bless and protect you; may the Lord’s face radiate with joy because of you; may He be gracious to you, show you His favor, and give you His peace. Numbers 6:24–26.

The aunts’ prayer over her the day she’d left The Haven made her wince. God’s face hardly radiated with joy because of her now. Except maybe in embarrassment.

Victoria’s hand slid to her stomach. Her fingertips probed, trying to feel some sensation that spoke of a baby nestled inside. She felt nothing physically. But deep in her heart, awe blossomed. That she was now responsible for another life brought tears to her eyes.

And yet—the aunts would want their young guests to be taught about God’s love, to see it reflected in the staff. Victoria had messed up so badly; she felt unworthy of preaching to anyone. She’d face dismay and revulsion in people’s—Ben’s—eyes when they realized that she hadn’t followed the Godly precepts she’d been raised on, hadn’t walked her talk.

He’d be disgusted when he found out she wasn’t the worthy daughter he thought.

Why did Ben’s opinion matter so much?

* * *

“Good morning.” Ben had been at The Haven for six days. He no longer doubted his theory that Victoria was pregnant.

Each morning, when he arrived in the kitchen, she was there, pasty-faced, desperately trying not to show her nausea, though she didn’t race from the room as she had before. He knew why. He’d seen her outside, before the sun rose, and figured she was trying to get the worst of her morning sickness out of the way while she walked alone through the cold, snowy world. When she returned, she was always pale yet composed, munching on a stash of crackers she kept in a container on the counter. She acted as if she thought no one noticed.

But Ben noticed and he felt a strong sympathy for her. In fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about Victoria and her baby, couldn’t stop wondering how a strong woman like her had wound up pregnant and unmarried. This morning was no different. His heart raced at seeing her standing in front of the massive gas range, stirring scrambled eggs as if it was what the two of them always did on Sunday morning.

Dream on, Ben.

“Good morning. Church today,” Tillie announced as she and Margaret came sailing into the kitchen.

“I think I might stay home today, Aunties.” Victoria slid fluffy eggs onto a platter, set it in the middle of the big round table. She added buttered toast and a carafe of coffee.

“My dear, are you still unwell?” Though she ducked, Victoria couldn’t avoid Margaret’s palm on her forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”

“I’m fine. Just lethargic. I think I need to rest.” Victoria set a glass of milk in front of Mikey, smiled and ruffled his hair.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t have gone for such a long walk this morning then, dear.” Tillie sat, placed her napkin in her lap and bowed her head. Silence fell as she said grace aloud. Then she looked directly at Victoria. “I’m sure you’ll feel better once the service begins.”

Ben smothered his smile when Victoria exhaled. Weak, timid old ladies? Hardly.

“You’ll come along, too, Ben.” Margaret nodded at his start of surprise. “You can sit in the front seat of the car. There’s plenty of legroom.”

Thus, when breakfast ended and the kitchen was restored to order, they all attended the local church. Inside the white-steepled structure, Ben silently commiserated with Victoria’s reluctant presence, while obediently sitting where indicated, next to the ladies. Victoria was dispatched to escort Mikey to the children’s service upstairs. When she didn’t slide onto the pew next to him until the congregation was well into the first hymn, he knew she’d taken her time returning. She managed a smile when the pastor welcomed her back and nodded at those who turned to glance at her.

But Ben knew Victoria longed to be anywhere but here. In fact, during the minister’s sermon on the love of God, he happened to glance at her down-bent head and saw her dab at her eyes several times, accompanied by a sniff.

Strong, capable Victoria was crying. Why did that make him feel so helpless? Why did he want to comfort her? She wasn’t his responsibility and yet this plucky woman’s distress tugged at his heartstrings. He intrinsically knew that she’d lost at love, that what she’d hoped for had not come to fruition and that, besides leaving her job, she’d left behind the guy who held her heart. The guy who was the father of her child. Yet, as far as Ben knew, she’d still told Tillie and Margaret nothing. Why?

As they rose to sing the closing hymn, Ben glanced at his hosts. Couldn’t these usually astute ladies see that something was wrong? That the young woman they’d raised was desperately unhappy?

But as they chatted with friends in the foyer, on the ride home and all through lunch, Tillie and Margaret seemed oblivious to Victoria’s distress. They giggled at Mikey’s knock-knock jokes as if all was well.

When the two seniors finally left for an afternoon nap and Mikey was engaged in a Disney movie on television, Ben couldn’t remain silent any longer.

“Why don’t you tell your aunts you’re pregnant, Victoria?” he asked baldly, hating the way she winced at the word.

“How do you know—it isn’t—you don’t understand.” She shoved a handful of dark hair away from her face and picked at invisible threads on her jeans.

“What’s to understand? You’re going to have a baby.” Ben shrugged. “You’re not the first single woman to do that and you won’t be the last. Life happens.”

“Unmarried motherhood doesn’t happen to girls Tillie and Margaret taught to revere God and keep His principles,” she shot back, her voice shaky. “That’s sin.”

“I haven’t been a Christian very long,” Ben said, frowning at her. “But it seems to me that even David, a man after God’s own heart, sinned. And God forgave him.”

Her lack of response made him wonder if Victoria had even heard him. With her arms wrapped around her waist, she rocked slightly back and forth, her white face pinched with sadness and stained with tears. Beautiful but heartbreaking. And sort of remote.

“Victoria?” He touched her shoulder. “What about the baby’s father?”

“He doesn’t want me or the baby.”

“Are you sure?” Ben found himself curious—too curious—about that answer.

“He doesn’t want a child in his life. It would wreck his plan, weigh him down with responsibility for someone other than himself.” She gave a tiny huff of laughter. “It took me five years and a ghastly mistake, but the one thing I finally realized about Derek is that he always ducks responsibility. He doesn’t have the ability to see beyond his own needs.”