A Thrill To Remember

“You’ve got to stop judging yourself on what other people think,” Sadie advised, “and find your authentic self.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil.”

“Sadie’s right. You are much too good for Jesse’s sorry ass.” Kay picked up on Meggie’s sadness.

In a moment of weakness, she had confessed to Kay the whole sordid details of their breakup, which included finding black thong panties that definitely weren’t hers dangling from the kitchen ceiling fan.

“You shouldn’t let him squash your self-esteem. If I can come out of my shell, so can you,” Cammie Jo said. After meeting her husband-to-be, bush pilot Mack McCaulley, she had recently been through a startling transformation of her own.

“Cammie Jo makes an excellent point.” Sadie nodded. “You need to reclaim your womanhood. Declare your independence. Redefine your sexuality. It’s way past time you started to live a little.”

Live a little.

Just the mention of those three short words caused Meggie’s heart to flutter with anticipation. She thought of Don Juan and her stomach did cartwheels. Did she have the guts to go back out there and start a conversation with him?

A conversation that might lead to…where?

An edginess nibbled at Meggie, challenging her to do something forbidden. She felt concurrently hot and cold and bizarrely excited.

“If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” Kay said.

“I’m not much of a flaunter.”

“It’s time you started. You’ve spent too much of your life taking care of other people. Your mother’s ankle has healed. You’re going back home to Seattle tomorrow to begin your new life as a single woman. What better time to start taking care of numero uno than right this minute?”

Kay spoke words of wisdom, but Meggie felt uncomfortable admitting her vulnerability. She was a nurse. She was supposed to be the strong, reliable one. She blew off her shortcomings with a laugh, pretending a sharp sticker of emotional pain did not skitter low in her belly.

It wasn’t so much sadness over Jesse’s betrayal. Truth be told, she was relieved to be out of the unhappy union. Their marriage had died long before the divorce; she just hadn’t had the gumption to bring it to its natural conclusion.

Rather, the tight coil of anxiety resulted from realizing she’d wasted so much time trying to be what Jesse had wanted her to be in order to hang on to something that wasn’t right in the first place.

A nurturer by nature, she’d never put her own needs first. Meggie had spent her entire life looking after others in one way or another. As a kid, she had taken in every stray animal she had stumbled across, and she’d helped her mother care for her invalid grandmother. As an adult, her natural ease in providing moral, emotional and physical support had led to a career in nursing, which was a source of constant pride.

Unfortunately, her need to be needed had also led her into an unsatisfactory marriage. She’d fallen for Jesse because he was everything she was not. Lively, animated, adventuresome, freewheeling. He played in a hip-hop band, drove fast cars and was always surrounded by people.

She had mistakenly believed he could give her the courage she lacked, while at the same time convincing herself she could offer him stability and security. She’d been drawn to the fact that he’d needed her, but not long after their wedding, the problems surfaced.

All too clearly now, she could see her mistakes.

What she’d once perceived as Jesse’s ability to take life nice and easy was in actuality irresponsibility. He was always on the road, leaving her at home to take care of everything—the bills, the house, the cars. She’d been as good as single for the past five years, but without the freedom to choose for herself what kind of life she really wanted.

“Remember,” Kay said, uncannily reading her mind. “The best revenge is a life well lived. Come on, Meggie. Let your hair down. Don’t be ashamed to explore.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Sounded good, anyway.

“This is your chance. You’ve been stagnating and you need something to snap you out of the doldrums. Don’t be nervous about spreading your wings. Now is the time to fly.” Sadie threw in her two cents worth.

Why not? Under the protection of her Klondike Kate guise, Meggie could flirt with Don Juan to her heart’s content. No one in Bear Creek, other than her three friends, would ever know whose face lurked behind the red-feathered mask. She was anonymous.

Why that thought should thrill her so, she had no idea, but it did.

She would flirt with Don Juan and dance with him.

And?

Who knew? She might do something totally out of character for her, like make out with the guy in a darkened alcove.

Live a little.

Take a chance.

Carpe diem.

Just the idea of taking a walk on the wild side caused her throat to constrict and her palms to perspire.

“Go back out there and flirt with Don Juan,” Kay insisted. “You’ve got nothing to lose.”

“Yeah,” Sadie agreed. “What’s the worst that can happen? He has no idea who you really are. Play the game. Have fun. You deserve it.”

“And just in case…” Kay opened her Gucci handbag and produced a roll of condoms.

“Kay!” Scandalized, Meggie slapped a hand over her mouth. She had never in her life had a one-night stand. Did she dare start now?

“Always be prepared.” Kay grinned and slipped the condoms into Meggie’s purse.

“I don’t need those. I’m not going to be doing anything like that.”

“You never know what might pop up.” Kay winked. “Better safe than sorry.”

Meggie nibbled her bottom lip. She was very open to suggestion right now—susceptible, vulnerable, fragile—and she knew it.

But that knowledge couldn’t quell her long-ignored need to shake up her complacent world. She would take Jesse’s betrayal and use it as a stepping-stone to a whole new Meggie. Why not?

And here were her dear friends, supporting her, encouraging her, egging her on with their spunky you-go-girl attitude. They recognized that she needed a little masculine admiration to repair her tattered ego. It seemed they knew her better than she knew herself.

She wanted this, Meggie realized with a start. She was twenty-nine years old, newly divorced and fighting off a deep-seated dread that life was sprinting by her at a dead run. This might be her last chance to really explore her limits and relish her youth.

Question was, did she have the courage to go for the gusto? Was she brave enough to reach for what she wanted? To explore the secret sexual fantasies she’d never shared with anyone? A weird sense of panic scampered through her. Did she possess enough chutzpah to initiate something wickedly wonderful with Don Juan?

Or was she going to end up a lonely old spinster with a houseful of Siamese cats, pining sadly for what might have been?

Take a risk. Who knows what you’ll discover about yourself? whispered an audacious voice in the back of her mind—the voice she’d spent a lifetime denying because it scared her so.

Go for it. You may never have a chance like this again.

“METROPOLITAN WOULD LIKE to thank the Bachelors of Bear Creek for taking out that wonderful advertisement. You guys single-handedly boosted the magazine’s circulation by twenty percent.” Kay Scofield stood on the stage at the back of the community center, microphone in hand, her husband, Quinn, by her side.

She smiled at Quinn with a shining love that made Caleb’s gut hitch with jealousy. All the bachelors had found someone to love except him.