Chalet Girls

Maybe pulling back is hard for him too. That’s flattering. As we stand up I remind myself of all the reasons why I have to control myself. I can’t lose my virginity to a one-night stand, however enticing the proposition. And it is enticing. I might not have held out so long if Seb had been around when I was younger. I assumed I didn’t have much of a libido, but it turns out it was merely slumbering, waiting to be roused and coaxed into life by the right man.

‘Maybe we can go and look round the chalet?’ I suggest. ‘You know, I’d love to know more about the film-skiing you do and your trip to the Antarctic. It sounds amazing.’

I watch Seb closely for any signs of irritation or impatience. Normally this is the point in proceedings when I cease to be interesting and men suddenly remember they were supposed to be somewhere else. What’s the point of wasting time on a girl who’s not going to put out?

‘Sure.’ If Seb is disappointed he hides it admirably and puts as much enthusiasm into his tales of snowboarding as he did into kissing, a grin splitting his charismatic face.

We stay close as we make our way around the chalet and I listen to his stories. I‘m happy to take his arm and snuggle into his side. I can‘t give up the physical contact. It‘s as if he‘s magnetised me, somehow, and I couldn‘t pull away even if I wanted to.

Which I don‘t.

‘Have you seen the view from the terrace? It‘s too crowded in here. Would you like to get some air, perhaps?’ Seb asks, once we‘ve seen round the chalet.

‘Yes, that would be nice.’ I smile, my face practically splitting in two at the idea of being alone with him. Maybe the champagne cocktails have gone to my head a little. Perhaps they are wicked after all.

Seb‘s grin widens too and he takes my hand, leading me to the way out as he tells me how amazing it feels to be on top of the world and at one with the mountains. We both fall quiet outside on the decked terrace and stand looking down over the twinkling lights of houses in the dark valley far below. As my eyes adjust, I realise that it‘s not totally dark out here. The snowy mountains reflect the pale, white moonlight. The sky is clear and the stars glitter like diamonds. It‘s magical. I could never get bored of this. Never. I‘m falling in love with Switzerland and maybe a certain mountain boardercross champion too.

‘I could never leave the mountains. I hate the city.’ Seb leans over the rail. ‘I have to be able to see the horizon. In the cities there‘s so much concrete everywhere, it‘s stifling the earth. The earth can‘t breathe in the city and neither can I.’

‘That‘s very poetic. I feel like that too. I come from the Scottish Highlands.’

‘Ah, the Highlands. I have been to Inverness and Loch Ness, where you have your famous monster. Have you ever seen it?’

I snort. ‘No, there‘s no monster. Just miles and miles of space to breathe.’

Seb‘s hand rests over mine on the rail. I wish I could believe that this is the start of something, but I know sex isn‘t a big deal for Seb. When I finally have sex it has to be with someone who cares about me, someone I‘m in a relationship with. Sex itself is a leap for me. Casual sex is a leap too far.

‘So why did you leave Scotland?’ Seb turns and fixes me with an intense gaze that pierces through my defences.

It‘s as if he can see me, really see me. All the extraneous things of life – small talk, social niceties, external filters – have been stripped away. He‘s taken the time to look at me properly. Is this what love feels like? I don‘t want to lie to him. I feel I owe him the truth for not running as far away from me as possible. For being different from the other men who‘ve tried their luck with me since I moved to Verbier.

‘I tell everyone I came to Switzerland for the skiing, the snow is unreliable in the Highlands, after all,’ I pause. ‘And that is partly true.’

‘And what is the other reason, Lucy Lu?’ Seb strokes the side of my face.

He’s given me a nickname. Warmth spreads through my chest and my lips curve into a smile.

‘I had to get far away from home. Nothing really bad. My family are good people, but I needed space from them, to escape the life they expected me to live. I know I said there’s miles of space to breathe in the Highlands, but at home I felt suffocated.’

‘So you spread your wings. I get it. Families … pffft.’ Seb shrugs. ‘They are difficult. My family are in France and I live in Switzerland and visit once a month or so. It’s a perfect arrangement.’

I love how animated his face gets. Every craggy feature lit up with joy, amusement or desire, ever changing with his mood. Full of life. I feel a little more alive just for standing next to him, conjured into being more, feeling more by the touch of his hand on my skin.

‘Do you come from a big family?’

‘Yes, I have three brothers. We are very competitive.’ Seb raises his eyes to the stars. ‘My brother Michel got a bronze medal in the last Winter Games and I was placed fourth. I have never heard the end of it. He’s never beaten me in the Verbier Extreme, though. Do you have brothers?’

Seb’s eyes shine with humour, as bright as the starry canopy above us.

‘Yes, funnily enough I’ve got three brothers too. I guess it’s a little different being a sister. My parents are pretty old fashioned, only the males of the family matter.’ I grip the rail tightly. ‘Their only ambition for me is that I marry a local farmer.’

‘They don’t approve of you coming to Verbier?’ Seb moves closer. I can feel the warmth of his body, the enticing pull of his chemistry.

‘You could say that.’ I bite my lip and edge closer to him.

‘Well I’m very glad you did.’ Seb cups my face with his hands, eyes sparkling and my heart skips a beat.

Before I know it I’m standing on tiptoe and we’re kissing again. My arms are around him, pulling him closer and his hands slide down my back, cupping my bottom and squeezing.

Soon I’m being swept away again, by an unstoppable tide of wanting and needing … I’ve definitely been magnetised and I just can’t resist Seb’s pull. I don’t know if I’m in love or in heat.

But still there’s the persistent murmur in my head, obstinately refusing to give in and telling me to stop. I might be ready to make the leap for someone like Seb but I still can’t do casual sex. Not even for someone as divine as him. I haven’t waited this long to give it up for nothing.

I pull back. It’s possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Ever.

I take a deep breath. ‘I think we have to stop, Seb.’

‘Okay.’ Seb exhales loudly as he lets me go. As though it’s hurting him physically to let me go. I know how he feels, my own body is thrumming with protest and unfulfilled need. This is all so … complicated.

‘I do … want you,’ I whisper, gripped by fear that I’ll never see him again. That he’ll think I’m rejecting him.

‘So what’s the problem?’ His fingers continue to caress mine where I’m gripping the rail, making it hard to keep my resolve.

‘I don’t do casual sex. I’m not into one-night stands.’ I squeeze my eyes shut briefly, trying not to think about his seductive fingers and where else they might touch me. Maybe I’m also afraid to see his reaction.

‘It doesn’t have to be casual and we don’t have to stand,’ he murmurs gently, his words sending shivers down my spine.

This is bloody difficult. Seb is so very attractive. He‘s my sporting hero, everything I admire and yet … that still doesn‘t make him boyfriend material. He‘s impulse- driven. It‘s what makes him brilliant on the mountains, but I don‘t want to be tonight‘s impulse. Tonight‘s impulse is tomorrow‘s ‚that Scottish girl I shagged‘.

I‘m smarter than that.

‘But, being serious, I can‘t …’ I break off. It actually pains me to say it, especially as unsatiated desire has me reeling.

‘Can‘t do this ever or can‘t do this tonight?’ Seb quirks a dark eyebrow.

‘Can‘t do this tonight.’ I bite my lip as I step out of reach. My body screams that I‘m crazy. Who cares if he wants to use me and forget me the next morning? Seb would be mine for one glorious night.

But I do care and I can‘t do this. I‘d despise myself afterwards for selling out for a few hours of pleasure.

‘You are a very unusual girl, Lucy Lu.’ Seb looks regretful but not annoyed, thank God. Any sense of irritation and I would‘ve walked away. Permanently. ‘Anyone else and I‘d think you were playing hard to get but you‘re serious, aren‘t you?’

‘I don‘t play games.’ I make my way to the terrace steps, but each step away from Seb is a wrench.

‘So, when can we make love, Lucy Lu?’ Seb asks, a lot louder than I‘m comfortable with.

I turn around to check the terrace is still clear and no one I know is listening. Then I turn back to face him.