Seven Nights With Her Ex

Months this trip had taken her to plan and organise. Once she’d realised that she needed a change, needed to escape that cabin fever feeling, she’d pored over brochures, surfed the Net, checking and rechecking that this was the perfect place, the perfect course, the perfect antidote to what her life had become.

It was far enough away from home—from Oxford, where she lived and worked—for her to know that she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew. Who did she know anyway? Apart from her family and patients? And her colleagues? How many of them had planned a trip to Yellowstone at the same time as her? None. The chances of him doing the same thing, for the same week as her... Well, it had never even crossed her mind.

Why would it? She’d spent years forcing herself to not think of Gray McGregor. The damned Scot with the irrepressible cheeky grin and alluring come-to-bed eyes!

Eleven years. Nearly twelve. That’s how long it’s been.

Eleven years of silence. Why had he never contacted her? Apologised? Explained?

Like I’d want to hear it now anyway!

Outwardly she was still smiling, still pretending to listen to the other hiker, but inwardly... Inwardly a small part of her did want to hear what he had to say. No matter how pathetic it might be. Part of her wanted him grovelling and on his knees, begging for her forgiveness.

I’ll never forgive you, Gray.

Beau straightened her shoulders, inhaled a big, deep breath and focused on the other hiker—Claire. She was talking about some of the trails she’d walked—the Allegheny, the Maah Daah Hey.

Focus on her, not him.

‘That’s amazing. You walked those trails alone?’

‘Usually! I think you can take in so much more when you’ve just got to entertain yourself.’

Was he still looking at her? Was he thinking of coming over to speak to her? Beau stiffened at the thought of him approaching.

‘What made you come on this course?’ she asked.

‘Common sense. A lot of walkers I meet on trails are...shall we say, older than me? And when I was walking the Appalachian, this guy collapsed right in front of me. In an instant. I didn’t know what to do! Luckily one of his group was an off-duty responder and he kept the guy alive until the rescue team arrived. You never know when you’re gonna be stuck in the middle of nowhere with no medical assistance!’

Beau nodded.

‘What about you, Beau? What made you come on this course?’

‘I just wanted to get out and about, walking again. Somewhere beautiful. But somewhere I can still learn something. I want to work in the hospital tent on Everest at some point.’

‘Oh, my Lord! You’re braver than me! Are you a nurse, then?’

‘A doctor. Of neurology.’

‘My, my, my! You’ll no doubt put us all to shame! Promise you won’t laugh at my attempts to bandage someone?’

Beau didn’t think she’d be laughing at anyone. The mood of her trip had already changed. Just a few moments ago she’d been carefree and breathing in the mountain air, assuring herself that she’d made the right decision to come here. But now...? With Gray here, too?

She would make him see that she was not amused by his presence. She wasn’t anything! She had no energy to waste on that man. He’d been given more than enough of her time over the years and her life had moved on now. She was no longer the heartbroken Beau whom he had left standing at the altar. She was Dr Judd. Neurologist. Recommended by her peers. Published in all the exclusive medical journals. Award-winning, innovative and a leader in her field.

She would have nothing to do with him this next week, and if he didn’t like her cold shoulder, then tough.

Beau slipped off her backpack, put it to one side and went to make herself a cup of tea at the drinks station. It would probably be the last decent cup of tea she’d experience for a while, and she didn’t want to miss having it. They had time before they set out.

She kept her back to the rest of the room, studiously ignoring Gray.

He would have to get used to it.

* * *

Yellowstone National Park. Over three thousand miles away from his native Edinburgh. He’d travelled over the North Atlantic Ocean, traversed mile upon mile of American soil to make it here to Wyoming, this one small spot on the face of the whole planet, and yet... And yet somehow he had managed to find the one small log cabin in the huge vastness of a national park that contained the one woman he could not imagine facing ever again.

Why would he ever have expected to find her here? This wasn’t her thing. Being outdoors. Hiking. Roughing it in tents and having to purify her water before drinking it. Beau was an indoors girl. A five-star hotel kind of girl. Life for her had never been about struggle and survival. This should have been a safe place to come to. The last place he would have expected her to be. Wasn’t she a hotshot neurologist now? Wasn’t she meant to be knee-deep in brains somewhere?

Seeing her walk into the room had almost stopped his heart. He’d physically felt the jolt, unable to take in oxygen. His lungs had actually begun to burn before he’d looked away, breaking eye contact, his mind going crazy with questions and insinuations as heat and guilt had seared his cheeks.

You broke her heart.

You never told her why.

You deserve to suffer for what you did.

And he had suffered. Hadn’t he?

If only she knew how much he longed to go back and change what happened. If only she knew how much he’d hated himself for walking away, knowing what it would do to her but unable to explain why. If only she knew of how many nights he’d lain awake, thinking of how he could put right that wrong...

But how to explain? It was easy to imagine saying it, but actually having her here, right in front of him... All those things he wanted to say just stuck in his throat. She’d think they were excuses. Not good enough. Was she even in the right frame of mind to want to talk to him?

Beau had turned her back. Begun talking to another hiker. Claire, he thought she’d said her name was.

He took a hesitant step forward, then stopped, his throat feeling tight and painful. He wouldn’t be able to speak right now if he tried. She clearly wanted nothing to do with him. She was ignoring him. Spurning him.

I deserve it.

Other people in the room were milling about. Mixing, being friendly. Introducing themselves to each other. Gray allowed himself to fall into the crowd. Tried to join in. But his gaze kept tracking back to her.

She still looked amazing. Her beautiful red hair was a little longer than he recalled, wavier, too. She’d lost some weight. There were angles now where once there’d been curves, and the lines around her eyes spoke of strain and stress rather than laughter.

Was she happy in life? He hoped that she was. He knew she was successful. Her name had been mentioned in a few case meetings at work. He’d even suggested her once for a family member of an old patient. His own work in cardiology didn’t often give him reason to work with neurology, but he’d kept his ears open in regard to her. Keen to know that she was doing okay.

And she was. Though she had to have worked hard to have got where she had. So had he.

He watched from a distance as she mingled with the others, placing himself in direct opposition to her as she moved. The room was a mass of backpacks, hiking boots, men slapping each other on the back or heartily shaking each other’s hands as they listed their posts and achievements to each other. Two women at the back of the room sat next to each other, their backpacks on the floor as they sipped at steaming cardboard cups. The last taste of civilisation before they hit the wilds of America.

But all Gray could concentrate on now was Beau. And his own overwhelming feelings of regret.

Would simple words of apology be enough?

Would telling her about the many times he’d picked up the phone and dialled her number even be adequate? Considering that he’d never followed through? He had always cancelled the call before she’d had a chance to answer. And all the emails he had sitting in his ‘Drafts’ folder, addressed to her, in which he’d struggled and failed each time to find the right words... The times he’d booked to go to the same medical conference as her, hoping to ‘accidentally’ bump into her, but had then cancelled...

She’d just call me a coward. She’d be right.

He had been afraid. Afraid of stirring up old hurts. Afraid of making things worse. Afraid of hurting her more than he already had...