‘… then he ate my boy entrancers.’

Mum said, “Don’t be silly, Georgia.”

Grandad said, “Do you remember when you took Georgia to the doctor’s surgery when she was a couple of weeks old?”

Mum ruffled my hair (very annoying) and looked all nostalgic. “I remember every single thing about your life, darling girl. You’ve been a pleasure and joy to me from the moment you were born.”

Dad said, “Bloody hell, Connie! Calm down.”

But Mum had gone off into Mumland, “Do you know you had no hair when you were born – all baldy, like Uncle Eddie. So sweet.”

Oh God.