His Pretend Wife

‘Your brother’s insufferable,’ she snapped.

‘I could have told you that. Dull as ditch water. I don’t know what made him arrive home tonight of all nights. He’s supposed to be studying for his exams.’

‘I thought he was already a doctor.’

‘He is. He qualified last summer. This is a different lot of exams. He’s always studying for something. Forget him and enjoy yourself. Here.’ He poured some cider into a glass for her and she drank it in one gulp. Johnny immediately refilled her glass and she drained it again.

Out of sight she clutched the edge of the table. Not for the world would she have done anything so uncool as reveal how it was affecting her. She took a deep breath against the swimming of her head, and held out her glass.

‘Fill it up,’ she commanded with bravado.

He did so, and from somewhere there was an admiring cheer. Encouraged, she seized the big plastic bottle and drained it.

When she took the floor again she found that something had happened to her. Her limbs were mysteriously light, she danced as if floating on air and her whole body seemed infused with sensuality. Partners came and went. She didn’t know who she was dancing with from one moment to the next, but she knew that none of them was the one she wanted.

‘Hey,’ she said, suddenly aware that there was a pair of unfamiliar arms about her, and she was being urged towards the door. ‘Who are you?’

‘You know me,’ somebody whispered against her mouth. It was a man, but she couldn’t think who he was. ‘And you fancy me, don’t you?’

‘Do I?’

‘’Course you do. You’re up for it, I can tell. Hey, what do you think you’re doing?’ The last words were addressed to someone who’d appeared out of nowhere and was determinedly freeing Ellie from the man’s arms. ‘Clear off.’

‘No, you clear off,’ came Andrew’s voice.

‘Now, look here—’

‘Get lost before I do something very painful to you,’ Andrew said, speaking almost casually.

‘He will too,’ Ellie remarked to nobody in particular. ‘He’s a doctor, so he’d know how.’ The whole thing suddenly seemed terribly funny and she collapsed in giggles. Strong arms held her up, but now they were Andrew’s arms.

‘Thank you, kind sir,’ she said with dignity, ‘for coming to my rescue like a knight in shining armour.’

‘What the devil have you been drinking?’ Andrew demanded, not sounding at all like a gallant knight.

‘Dunno,’ she replied truthfully. ‘It’s a party.’

‘So because it’s a party you have to pour filthy rubbish down your throat and make a fool of yourself?’ he said scathingly.

‘Who are you calling a fool?’

‘You, because you act like one.’

‘Push off,’ she said belligerently. The scene wasn’t going at all as it should. ‘I can take care of myself.’

‘Oh, yeah!’ he said, not even trying to be polite. ‘I’ve seen children who can take better care of themselves than you. Come on.’

He’d taken a firm hold of her, but not in the way that other young men tried to. More like a man clearing out the rubbish. Ellie found herself being propelled firmly to the door.

‘What d’you think you’re doing?’ she demanded.

‘Taking you home.’

‘I don’t want to go home.’ She tried to struggle but he had his hand firmly around her waist. ‘Let go!’

‘Don’t waste your energy,’ he advised her kindly. ‘I’m a lot stronger than you.’

‘Help!’ she yelled. ‘Abduction! Kidnap! Help!’

That made them sit up, she was glad to see. Heads turned. Pete appeared, blocking their path.

‘Where are you taking my girl?’ he said belligerently.

‘Who said I was your girl?’ she demanded, briefly diverted. ‘I never—’

‘Shut up, the pair of you,’ Andrew said without heat. ‘She’s not your girl because you don’t know how to look after her. And you—’ he tightened his grip on Ellie as she tried to make a bolt for it ‘—you aren’t old enough to be anybody’s girl. You’re just a daft little kid who puts on fancy clothes and her mother’s make-up and thinks she’s grown up. Now, let’s get out of here.’

‘I don’t want to get out of here.’

‘Did I ask what you wanted?’ he enquired indifferently.

‘You’ll be sorry you did this.’

‘Not half as sorry as you’ll be if I don’t.’

She redoubled her efforts to escape, but he simply lifted her off the floor and left her kicking helplessly as he pushed Pete aside and strode on. Her head was swimming from the cider and her limbs were growing heavy, but through the gathering mist of tipsiness she could see her friends sniggering at her plight.

But then—relief! Johnny appeared, also trying to block their path.

‘Put her down,’ he said. ‘She’s my girl.’

‘Another one?’ Andrew said ironically. ‘Listen, Johnny, I’ll deal with you later. Just now I’m taking Ellie home where she’ll be safe. What’s her address, by the way?’

‘Don’t tell him,’ she raged.

But Johnny had seen his elder brother’s face and decided on discretion. He gave Andrew the information with a meekness that made Ellie disgusted with him. Before she could tell him so she found she was being carried out of the room. As the door swung to she was sure she could hear a burst of laughter, and it increased her rage.

Outside the house stood the most disgusting old van she’d ever seen. She couldn’t believe he actually meant her to travel in that, but he was opening the door and shovelling her into the passenger seat. Shovelling was the only word for it. She immediately tried to break out and he slammed the door shut again.

‘We can do this the easy way, or the hard way,’ he said through the half-open window. ‘The easy way is for you to sit here quietly. The hard way is for me to chuck you in the back, lock the rear doors and keep you there until we reach the other end.’

‘You wouldn’t dare.’

He grinned. ‘Even you’re not stupid enough to believe that.’

‘Whaddaya mean? Even me?’

‘Work it out.’