Forever A Father

After the shock and gut-wrenching trauma of losing what he’d held dearest, a family, he was nowhere near ready to look for a relationship again. He couldn’t trust his instincts.

Man, he was frustrated—why couldn’t he find that report? He shuffled a pile of papers around.

Keela popped into his thoughts again, her smile, her cheerful outlook.

And why was he still thinking about Keela? He should’ve noticed and heeded the not-so-subtle omen when his grandfather, after first hearing about his new employee, had said, “Did you know that the name Keela in Irish means ‘beauty that only poetry can capture’?” Where did Gramps get that stuff?

Daniel glanced across his desk at another mound of papers, plus a patient appointment list that promised to keep him working until 8:00 p.m. These days the only commitment he could handle was his medical practice, a full-time job and relationship rolled into one, and it was all he could manage. There simply wasn’t room for anything else. So here he was, working like a lunatic to get his business off the ground, with a PT assistant who’d started to lure his mind off the goal. He frowned and stared at his desk. Maybe that was why he was always gruffer with her than he intended. Self-preservation? You bet.

He sighed. Today had made everything different. He’d landed the City College account. He couldn’t afford to take his eye off the prize. He shivered. What if he lost everything...again? He couldn’t bear to think of the consequences. A kernel of apprehension over the future of his clinic quickly grew to full-out anxiety, which prompted him to call out. “Keela!”

She arrived in his office, sat, brows lifted, eyes sparkling like they had all through lunch. So alluring, so off-limits. Guilt filtered through him. Nip the attraction in the bud, and file it under the heading of survival. He swallowed and forged ahead, but not before noticing her delicate fingers lacing and unlacing in her lap. He’d made her nervous and he hadn’t said a word. Already feeling like a heel, he so hated what he was about to do.

“So here’s the deal,” he said in a firm tone, skipping any niceties. “We’re going to be challenged like never before with the City College athletes. I’ll be spending time away from the clinic to attend their practices and games, and more responsibility will fall on your shoulders. So my question is, are you up for that?”

She sat on the edge of the chair in his office and nodded, her smile gone, a serious stare replacing the earlier glow. The power he wielded over her as her boss pinched behind his sternum, but he couldn’t back down.

“I can’t settle for excuses about back East weather holding up our supplies. It’s unprofessional and can’t happen again.”

“I’ll do my best to keep us stocked. If you give me the okay, I’ll order far in advance or set up a standing order. It’s just we’ve been counting pennies until now.” Her fingers kept lacing and unlacing.

“Not anymore.” This was his lifeline. The clinic had saved him after losing baby Emma, and when Kathryn no longer needed or wanted him. He shuddered when he considered what he might have done without the support of his family and this business venture to pull him through. This 4Cs deal gave him the chance to morph from struggling and heartbroken to successful businessman. His personal life might still be in shambles, but dammit, this clinic would shine because he was in control of this one thing. Work.

“From now on we have to work like a fine-tuned engine. Every minute will be put to good use. Last-minute childcare issues will be your issue, not mine. That can’t happen again. Got it?” Because he might not survive spending another afternoon with her daughter and the heart-wrenching feelings it had brought up of Emma, innocent and helpless, and beyond his control to save.

How could he expect Keela to never have childcare issues or for the vendors to never screw up? She sat quietly, and he felt like an ogre reading her mind, but he continued full-on. “Can you deliver? Because your job depends on it.” There, he’d said it—given her an ultimatum, his employee of the month, and he’d just entered the running for despicable boss of the year.

She looked stunned, anxious, chewing her lower lip as what he’d just said registered. “Yes. Of course.” Insecurity had slipped into her voice.

“Good.” She needed her job; what else could he expect her to say? Bastard.

He forced himself to look at her again. Seeing her squirm over the possibility of losing her job made him queasy, the mistrust he’d just planted in her usual open and honest gaze made him want to kick himself, but he ground his molars and kept quiet. She rose, serious and quiet.

He swallowed with difficulty. Great going. He’d just successfully ripped the shine off their luncheon and put fear and dread into the best employee he’d ever hired.

Once she’d left, he followed her out of his office, on his way to the reception desk in hopes of finding a fresh pot of coffee. Hating how he felt, he swore to never have a beer at lunch again, no matter how much he had to celebrate. What a mess.

That evening, when Keela left for home, she didn’t stop at his door to say good-night like she usually did. He’d been a complete ass, so what did he expect—Mother Theresa?

She didn’t deserve to take the heat for her ex-husband hanging her up at the last minute, but Daniel had heaped it on her anyway. Wasn’t the mark of a good boss compassion, and shouldn’t a skilled businessman be able to find a balance between laying down the rules and reading a riot act? Sitting behind his desk, he dropped his head into his hands.

Spending an afternoon with Anna the other day had nearly been his undoing, seeing what he’d never have, grieving over a frilly tutu. Wishing life could be different. Then today, he and Keela had looked at each other in a special way during lunch. Beer or no beer, he’d felt that zing down to his toes. And for an instant he’d wondered if life could be different. The mere thought of opening up to a woman again had scared the egg rolls out of him, yet he’d considered it for that single moment. Just now he’d overcompensated for both instances by hiding behind the tough-boss act.

And it sure as hell didn’t feel right.

* * *

Friday morning Daniel appeared at Keela’s office door. She’d come in a few minutes early to make sure she was up to date with all her supply orders, and also to mentally prepare for her appointments lined up for the day. He looked...regretful maybe, or was that what she’d wanted to see because he’d been tough on her yesterday? “Hi,” she said.

“Hi.” He stepped inside. “Okay if I sit?”

“Of course.” She stopped what she was doing to give him her full attention.

“I need to apologize for being a jerk. I was being unreasonable and I came down too hard on you yesterday evening.”

“You were right, though. I wasn’t assertive enough regarding the supplies. That company isn’t the only one and I should have made some waves. And I should always have a backup plan where Ron is concerned. It was just that Mrs. Jenkins had that hair appointment.” There she went, overexplaining out of insecurity. “I won’t let that happen again. Promise.” She said everything the way she’d practiced on her drive in that morning, fearing her job was at stake if she didn’t.

“I thought I was supposed to be apologizing to you.” He stared at her for a second while considering her carefully prepared explanation. “I won’t let it happen again, either. Promise.” Then he stood, turned and left.

After she’d married Ron and Anna had been born, Keela had tried hard to please him. She’d done it because she could tell his attitude toward her had changed. He’d had to marry her out of obligation, and though he’d never said it aloud, he’d always sent the subtle message: he was doing her a huge favor.

Just now, with Daniel, she’d fallen into an old and bad habit of bending over backward to please. But Ron had always managed to find fault somewhere, somehow, no matter how hard she’d tried. She was never good enough—like having a daughter instead of a son. Once she’d made a mistake, he’d never let her off the hook. Eventually, she gave up even trying to please him, feeling such a failure, and he’d used that as an excuse to seek a relationship with someone else. Like it was her fault! Once a self-assured young woman, Keela had become unconfident, always doubting and second-guessing herself.

Now, under Daniel’s scrutiny, she’d reverted to old habits. Maybe because all men were the same? But Daniel had apologized, then listened to her explanation and apologized again. In that regard, he was nothing like her ex.

* * *

Daniel finished his intake assessment of the quarterback of the 4Cs football team and arrived in his office to find the telephone light blinking.

“Your mom’s on the phone!” Abby called from the reception desk, making him wonder how long she’d been on hold.

He’d been keeping busy all morning to avoid his thoughts about how he’d come off as a boss, how he’d intentionally intimidated Keela and how lousy he felt about it, and he knew any conversation with his mother would draw him back into the realm of the thinking and feeling. He considered asking Abby to tell her he was busy, but caught himself. Mom always knew when he was avoiding her.

“Hey, Mom, what’s up?” He opted to sound rushed and on the run.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything, but I’ve had a brainstorm and just wanted to run something by you.”

“Okay.”

“Dad and I have been discussing how to draw more visitors to the hotel this season, and I got the bright idea to add more amenities. You know, like massages and facials. My hairstylist has a part-time esthetician who would be willing to do some moonlighting, but I’m at a loss for where to find a massage therapist. You’re kind of in that biz, right? Any thoughts?”

He pulled in his chin. He wasn’t exactly in that biz. He didn’t run a spa, but he did happen to know a former massage therapist turned PT tech. “Keela.” For all the times she had to chase down her ex for child support, he figured she could use some extra money.

“Keela?”

In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. This would give him a reason to talk to her again, and to hopefully mend the damage he’d caused yesterday afternoon. He hated how things felt in the clinic today, all strained and quiet. Even though he’d apologized, he suspected that wasn’t nearly enough.

“Yeah, Keela. Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I bring her to Grandda’s birthday party on Sunday and you can talk to her about it then. What do you say?”

“Sounds good to me. She has a daughter, right? Tell her to bring her, too.”

“Sure thing.” Daniel hung up feeling more positive than he had all day. Problem solved?

* * *

When Keela passed Daniel in the hallway, he gave a reassuring smile, the first she’d seen from him all day. Though it did seem forced, it was better than the grim face he’d been wearing. He didn’t look like a man who wanted to fire her on the spot, which helped her breathe a bit easier. By her second-to-last appointment that day, there he was hanging out in her office doorway again. What was up?

He appeared uncomfortable, as if he might have to tell her some bad news. More bad news? A sudden chill traveled up her spine. Insecurity made her wonder, what if he was going to fire her? She was still in the probationary period, and he had the right to call the shots on her future. Now the chill turned to a cold hard lump in her stomach. What would she do if he did?