The Little Gift Shop on the Loch: A delightfully uplifting read for 2019!

No matter how tired she was, Lily Ballantine prided herself on keeping to her strict morning routine. Her battle with sleep – or rather lack of it – had crept into her life over recent months, insidiously stealing precious hours of blissful oblivion.

She tried to regard her sleep deprivation as a measure of success; her inability to switch off from deadlines and to-do list was a good thing, a sign her career was on the up. So she endured her tiredness, wearing it like a slightly warped badge of honour, although some mornings were harder than others.

Earlier she’d stumbled through to the bathroom, her bleary-eyed, pale reflection confirming the few glasses of wine last night had done their worst. The alcohol sometimes helped, just enough to tip her over to sleep. But never for long enough. Somehow, frustratingly, she always managed to wake up at that deathly hour of 3 a.m., when the world was at its darkest and she just knew she was the only person on the entire planet who was awake.

The scalding shower and transformative contents of her make-up bag had worked wonders and now she was preened and polished, ready to face the day. Her unruly hair had been straightened into submission and she was dressed in her customary dark trouser suit and crisp shirt – pink today because it was Friday.

Lily automatically checked her watch as she closed her front door at precisely seven o’clock, pleased she was on schedule. Situated in a quiet cul-de-sac, the flat’s location meant she could make the walk to Edinburgh’s city centre in under thirty minutes. She walked at her usual brisk pace, weaving her way through the cobbled streets, past the elegant Georgian tenements and narrow alleyways.

The spring morning showcased Edinburgh’s unique charm to perfection, its turreted buildings silhouetted against a pale blue sky. Lily loved this time of day, while the city remained largely untouched by the throng of workers and shoppers and the air still held a clarity in its gentle breeze.

She took a deep breath thinking back to the previous evening when she’d joined a few colleagues for drinks. She rarely went out these days, but it was best to show face now and again and it had made a change to drink in company. She’d found the bar rather noisy, and had trouble hearing Harry from menswear recount his latest hysterical story. Something to do with slim-fitting trousers and inside leg measurements.

She wondered at what age it was acceptable to admit you hated noisy pubs, certain that 28 was too young. She simply wasn’t used to it anymore. Not like the evenings she’d frequented the best of Edinburgh’s bars, immune to the clamorous voices and pulsating music vying to be heard. Erin and Clare had been her willing accomplices but since they’d both left, Lily was less inclined to go out and making excuses had become a habit. It was amazing how quickly invitations stopped and people fell away if you constantly turned them down.

Lily slowed her pace as she approached her usual coffee shop, anticipating the extra hot skinny cappuccino which provided a pleasant kick start to the ten – possibly more – hours that lay happily ahead of her.

With her coffee in hand, Lily turned into Princes Street. After six years of working there, she still felt a little thrill as she approached Bremners department store. For over a hundred years it had dominated Edinburgh’s skyline, sitting on the corner of Princes Street like a grand old lady; graceful and enchanting and just a little bit formidable. To most people, Bremners department store was the iconic building which stood opposite the castle, its beautifully ornate facade a testament to Victorian architecture. To Lily, the building was like an old friend, one she was always happy to see.

As usual Lily was the first to arrive, slipping in through the staff entrance and nodding to the security guard as she entered. Soon the shop would be fully awake, the lights on and doors open, and shoppers would start to filter in. The staff would be ready to spend time with their valued customers, providing the antidote to the quick and cheap retail fix offered by so many other shops. Lily had always thought there was something magical about the old-fashioned store. Bremners oozed an old-world charm and elegance from another era. A place where you could still buy tweeds and reliable underwear, a place where dreams were lived out. The perfect wedding dress, a special gift for a lover or simply a treat for yourself. Shoppers could drift from shoes to cosmetics, stop for lunch or visit the bookshop. Lily thought there was something comforting that people still wanted to buy darning needles from the haberdashery department or silk handkerchiefs from menswear.

Lily skirted around the perfume department on the ground floor where notes of jasmine, amber and magnolia lingered in the air, and headed to the lifts. She knew the layout of the shop, knew how every department operated. Her new boss thought it was important that all staff, no matter their role, should be familiar with the stock and ambience of the shop. It was just one of the things that made James Sinclair such a wonderful boss. Lily sighed, thinking of him, and wondered if she’d see him today.

The lift pinged its arrival and Lily stepped in and pressed the button for the seventh floor. Although she was familiar with the shop floor, it wasn’t where she belonged. Instead, she was happy to retreat behind the scenes, to be part of the invisible workforce on the top floor dealing with HR, legal and – in her case – financial matters.

As she entered her office, a sense of calm and purpose took hold of Lily. This was her world, her cocoon of order where she felt comfortable and in control. Swapping her well-worn trainers for three-inch Carvelas, her eyes scanned the room, checking everything was in its correct place.

She sat down with a small contented sigh, with a sense that all was as it should be. Only then did she allow herself the first sip of coffee, now at the perfect temperature. She booted up the computer, her mind running over the day ahead.

An hour later Lily was engrossed in a spreadsheet and when her phone rang, she answered it without thinking. Her pulse quickened as she heard the icy tones of James’s secretary. ‘Can you come along to Mr Sinclair’s office, please?’

And although her day had started like any other, Lily didn’t know the phone call was about to change everything.

***

As Lily walked into James Sinclair’s office she thought back to the first day she’d met him. After months of rumours, speculation and negotiations, a multimillion-pound deal had finally been agreed and Bremners department store was now part owned by Dunn Equity. Although it had always been hugely successful, Bremners wasn’t immune to the economic pressures brought by spiralling costs and internet shopping and the deal had given a huge injection of much-needed capital. Bremners was no longer an independent store and – amidst reassurances its unique identity would be preserved – had been thrust into the corporate world.

James Sinclair belonged to that world and had swept into the boardroom one bleak Monday morning. The mood was sombre and speculation rife amongst the administrative staff gathered for the much-anticipated meeting. Lily had felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle when James had entered. For the next hour she’d sat transfixed as he’d explained he was part of the management team whose job was to put procedures in place to standardise systems and provide the necessary in-house training to ensure a smooth transition.

It wasn’t just the way his blonde hair flopped over his forehead or his penetrating blue gaze that Lily hadn’t been able to tear her eyes from, it was his sheer energy. The very air around him seem to crackle.

‘What do you think of him?’ she’d whispered to Erin, perched on the seat beside her.

‘Looks like a ruthless bastard to me. Wouldn’t trust him an inch,’ she’d muttered darkly while Lily had remained silent.

There followed an uneasy period of redundancies and jostling amongst management and Lily was bereft when Erin and Clare both decided to take the package on offer. They had all started at the same time and had quickly become confidants. Clare, already struggling to balance work with 1-year-old twins, saw it as the perfect opportunity to embrace full-time motherhood. Erin, recovering from a messy break-up, had declared she was taking herself off around the world to eat, pray and love.

‘Come with me,’ she’d implored Lily, her voice filled with excitement. Lily had considered it for all of five seconds – she’d never really been one for spontaneity. And so she had stayed put, feeling even more isolated when the other two senior accountants both nearing retiring age, had left. James’s team included accountants and Lily worried her position was precarious.

Shortly after that, James introduced himself personally to Lily and up close he was even more impressive, his disarming eye contact and firm handshake staying with Lily long after he told her he was looking forward to working with her.

As it turned out, she needn’t have worried. With her knowledge of staffing, costs and systems Lily soon became James’s go-to person. Lily accepted most people might not find preparing balance sheets particularly sexy and she’d be the first to admit the prospect of filing tax returns didn’t always leave her fizzing with excitement. But when she started working with James, her job rocketed to a whole new level. She’d never considered herself overly ambitious but now, under his watchful gaze, she’d stepped out of her comfort zone.

Reporting directly to him, Lily found herself compiling reports, analysing data and presenting business plans. Work became a different place. Exciting. She attended meetings and sat on committees set up to oversee the integration process. On several occasions she’d travelled with James in his sleek company car to meet new and existing suppliers. Over meetings, coffee breaks, and sometimes dinner, they discussed business, the conversation occasionally veering onto something more personal as they shared snippets of their lives – the line between professional and personal blurring pleasantly over a glass or two of wine.

The work had been consuming, exhausting and Lily thrived on it. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ James said to her one day with a look that sent a thrill through her.

With furtive glances she watched James operate, marvelling at how he commanded a meeting, winning people round to his way of thinking. A room changed when he walked into it, people noticed him. Charismatic, dynamic and tough when he needed to be, she breathed him in, hanging on his every word, his every movement.

She’d never met anyone like him before and as she watched him, Lily knew this was what she wanted. Because somewhere along the line, between the meetings, the costings, the chats, Lily had hopelessly – and unprofessionally – fallen for him.

She felt utterly ridiculous, like a schoolgirl with a crush, but she couldn’t help herself. She felt like she’d found what she was looking for, her few previous relationships paling into insignificance. So positive was she that they were meant to be together, that the connection between them was so strong, she knew it was only a matter of time. Of course, she knew nothing could happen yet, not while work was so intense. For now, it was enough to know he relied on her.

James had indicated there were exciting opportunities for those who embraced change and worked hard. Lily felt herself being caught up in his excitement for the future, his ambition was contagious. Now that the integration was over and the dust settled, Lily knew the figures and was convinced the future looked bright. She had known it would just be a matter of time – and now, after this phone call, the moment was here. The promotion was here.

She pulled out the mirror she kept in the top drawer, the mere thought of seeing him sending butterflies racing to her stomach. Silently cursing the shadows under her eyes, she sighed. If the weather stayed fine this weekend, she’d definitely try to catch some sun so she didn’t look so peaky – maybe sit in the park. Quickly, she applied some lipstick and fluffed up her hair. That would have to do.

She approached the desk outside James’s room where his secretary sat guarding her boss with her usual Rottweiler tendencies. Lily was met with her customary frosty smile but for once she didn’t care.

‘Just go through, please.’

Opening the door with a deep breath Lily stepped into the room, the thick luxurious carpet softening her footsteps as she made her way to the large mahogany desk situated in the corner. James smiled and, ever the gentleman, rose to his feet when he saw her. She caught a whiff of his familiar expensive cologne as she sat down, returning his smile and nodding to Helen from HR seated beside him.

‘I’d like to start, Lily by saying how much we appreciate the work you’ve done for Bremners over the past year. You’ve been an integral part of the smooth transition. Your professionalism and dedication have been second to none.’

‘Thank you,’ she replied feeling a warm glow of pride spreading through her. All those hours of hard work were about to pay off.

‘However, moving forward we’ve had to take some difficult decisions.’

Lily looked up sharply, something about his tone ringing alarm bells.

‘Looking to the future, we’ve decided to introduce some strategic reorganisations …’

James’s lips – the ones she had imagined tasting a thousand times – were still moving but suddenly Lily couldn’t hear anything except the pounding of blood in her ears. Her mouth went dry with a sickly sense of what was about to come. She waited, hardly breathing, as he carried on talking. And then it came.

Termination of employment. The words seemed to land with a thud on the desk, in big bold letters, creating a chasm as wide as a desert between them. In an instance they were on different sides. Part of the team and not part of the team. Lily swallowed deeply, her mind rapidly processing what this meant, none of it good. She was totally dumbstruck. Not only had she assumed her job was safe, she’d actually thought they were promoting her. The dancing butterflies scurried away leaving a ball of fury in the pit of her stomach. She looked at him helplessly for confirmation. Her mouth opened and then closed again. She thought desperately for something to say. How had she got it so wrong? How could he do this to her?

‘I – I didn’t think there were going to be any more redundancies,’ she stuttered.

‘As you know, we managed to reduce costs with natural wastage and the initial round of redundancies was successful in achieving our initial targets but now we have to look longer term. This will be the final round of strategic cuts and losses will be kept to an absolute minimum.’

He nodded patronisingly as if he was explaining something difficult to a child when in fact, she knew everything about the state of the finances. And they were good. Obviously too good. The systems she had helped set up didn’t need a team of accountants. She had effectively provided him with the ammunition he was now using against her.

Tears of humiliation stung her eyes. She felt so foolish – not just on a professional level but personally. All this time she had been working for him, had he known this was going to happen? Was he planning this all along? She’d thought they might have a future together … She felt light-headed and sick. All she wanted was to get out of there, and fast.

‘I’m very sorry, Lily, you know it’s not personal.’

God, she really wished he hadn’t said that. Because that was exactly what it was. Work had consumed her every waking moment. If she wasn’t at work, she was thinking about it. About him. Everything in her life from the moment she woke up until she collapsed exhausted into bed late at night, was based around her work.