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Tough Luck Hero

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2019
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“Excellent. When I say details I mean...below the belt details. Details about the interior of his pants.”

Lydia winced. “Sorry. I don’t have those.”

Sadie frowned. “What?” She tilted her head to the side. “Is this one of those moments where you tell me you’re too much of a lady to do this kind of back-and-forth? Because it occurs to me that we haven’t ever talked sexual details.”

Mostly because Lydia had not had any sexual details to share with Sadie over the time they’d been friends. But she didn’t want to admit that.

“No. I’m not too much of a lady. It’s just...in order to get married in Vegas I had to get blackout drunk. Which means...”

“You don’t remember.”

“No. I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything. I don’t even know what I was thinking. I don’t like Colton. I think he’s an arrogant son of a bitch.”

“Well, that’s because he always is to you.”

“I know!” Lydia took another sip of coffee. “But...when I was standing up there with all of the other bridesmaids, and the groomsmen, and there he was... I did feel bad for him. And...what was Natalie thinking? It was her wedding, for heaven’s sake. Everyone was there. The entire town. And she just...left him there.”

“I get pity sex, Lydia. Trust me, a guy in his position really needed some, but a pity marriage I get less.”

“It just started as pity shots. We went to Ace’s and started drinking. And one thing led to another.”

Sadie held up a hand. “Again, when most people say that, they mean they went back to his place and had sex. You two went to Vegas and got married.”

“I guess that’s what happens when the person you end up taking shots with is stupid rich.”

Sadie’s eyes went round. “Oh, that’s right. He is. I bet you he didn’t sign a prenup before this quickie marriage.”

“I don’t want his money. I don’t need his money. I earn my own. I don’t want to owe anyone anything, least of all Colton West. But I still kind of have to stay married to him.”

“Why?”

Lydia let out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t tell anybody. Because Colton is busily telling his family that this is the secret love match of the century.”

Sadie laughed, allowing a crack of sound in the small space. “And they’re going to believe that?”

“He seems to think so. But I know that you won’t believe it. You know too much.”

“I do. I’m extremely perceptive.”

“Not really so much that as I’ve told you a little too much about my feelings for Colton.”

“Fair enough. But you have to stay married to him... Why?”

“My campaign,” she said, tightening her hold on her cup. “Can you imagine? Lydia Carpenter goes to Las Vegas for a drunk quickie marriage, divorced already! It would be in the Copper Ridge Daily Tidings, and you know it.”

“Was that supposed to be the headline? Because that isn’t a good headline. It would have to be like Mayoral Candidate’s Marriage Didn’t Stay in Vegas!”

“Okay, that’s a cliché.”

Sadie shrugged. “It’s a small-town newspaper. You’re not going to get much better than cliché.”

“That’s beside the point. I’m up against an incumbent that makes this place look like it’s a monarchy.”

“Close enough,” Sadie said. “He’s been mayor for as long as I can remember.”

“He usually runs unopposed. Well, I’m opposing. And I know that I would be better for the job. I understand where the town is going...” Suddenly, she remembered Colton looking at her in the hotel room, his expression filled with disbelief as he asked her if she was stumping for votes. Maybe she had a little bit of a problem. But she had spent the past few years as a workaholic, and she didn’t really know what else to focus on. Particularly when things were chaotic. She tended to fall right back onto the topics she found easy. Right now, that was her campaign. And since her marriage, or rather, the continuation of it, was directly related to that campaign, it was particularly easy to do now.

“You know you have my support,” Sadie said. “And Eli’s. I mean, he can’t actually force people to vote for you under threat of arrest—I asked—but if anyone talks to him about it he makes his preferences pretty clear.”

“And I appreciate that. I appreciate the support that he’s given me, always. Which I mean in a nonsexual way.”

“I know.”

“Eli, in my opinion, is Copper Ridge. You two. The best, the future.”

“I feel like you’re avoiding giving details.”

Lydia let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m running against an institution. Not only that, he’s a man. It seems like the personal lives of women are always more scrutinized in these types of situations. I was single, which already made me somewhat unapproachable. I mean, people wonder why. They want to know if I even care about family. If I throw a quickie marriage and even faster divorce onto the pile...well, that’s it. I’m done.”

Sadie nodded slowly. “Okay. I see your point. So...what’s the plan? You stay married to him forever?”

“No. I stay married to him until I get elected. But, basically we’re just going to pretend to be married. I mean, we’re going to actually be married, but without the love, or the sex.”

Sadie frowned. “So, marriage with all of the annoying things like compromise, cohabitation and having to eat what he wants for dinner, without the things that make it fun?”

“For a limited time. We’re going to be roommates. Roommates who don’t like each other and who probably had sex and don’t remember it.”

“Wow. Good luck with that.”

“That is not helpful to me, Sadie. You’re an optimist. You’re supposed to be optimistic about this.”

“Sorry. Realist Sadie is the one who feels like weighing in. This is going to be a giant pain in your butt.”

It was Lydia’s turn to frown. “I think Realist Sadie is a pain in my butt.”

“She’s a pain in mine, too. I’m just saying, you honestly think that you’re going to live with Colton West for the next few months and pretend to be his wife and that isn’t going to be...awkward?”

“Oh, it’s going to be awkward.”

“Let me rephrase. You aren’t going to sleep with him?”

“No,” Lydia said, feeling each and every one of her muscles begin to tense up. “I’m not. The situation is complicated enough. We’re not going to mess it up further. It’s a blessing that we don’t remember what happened.”

“Okay.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“I believe that sex often overrules common sense.”
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