Untamed Cowboy

“It makes as much sense as any of this does,” Kaylee said. “If you felt like you wanted him gone in the next five minutes, that would be okay too, because nothing about this is normal. There’s not exactly a guidebook for what to do when the son you didn’t know you had shows up out of nowhere.”

“I guess not,” he said.

“I just can’t believe it,” Kaylee said, shaking her head. “I mean, now that I’ve seen him I can. He looks just like you, Bennett. And I mean in an uncanny way. It’s like looking at you when we were in high school.”

“He doesn’t look that much like me,” Bennett said, kicking against the edge of the porch rail with the toe of his cowboy boot.

“He does,” Kaylee said. “And it’s everything. The way that he stands, the set of his shoulders. He’s just...you through and through, and he’d never even met you before today.” She sighed. “He’s not as happy as you were.”

“Of course not,” Bennett said. “Because he’s had an awful life, and I’m partly to blame for that.”

“You couldn’t force her to tell you. She lied to you, and you had no reason to think that she would do that.”

“My whole...everything since then...this is why I plan like I do. Why I make sure I have everything mapped out in my head, because I know what happens when you don’t do that. When you just...think of the moment and not the future.”

“I thought... I thought it was because of your mom.” She reached out and touched his arm.

“Partly,” he said. “You know things were hard after she died. We missed her, and Dad didn’t do a great job organizing. Not that I blame him. I had to keep my part of the world organized or it would all fall apart.”

Her heart twisted. “I know. I get that.”

“I know you do,” he said. “And then Marnie got pregnant. I knew that I had let us both down. I just wanted... I didn’t ever want anything like that again. I was young, and sex was new, and I didn’t think. I didn’t think, and I put her through loss and pain. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong in her life. And maybe I still own part of that blame. Because I was dumb. Because I didn’t keep control. I thought of my own physical pleasure over anything else.”

Kaylee didn’t like the way this conversation was going. Didn’t like the way it made her feel like there was heat crackling beneath her skin. Didn’t like how off-kilter she felt. Didn’t like imagining Bennett, her steady, staid Bennett, losing control with a woman.

It made her feel hot all over, imagining Bennett making love with intensity.

Hell, she was about to have a hot flash.

“I’ve never felt anything like that,” she said, the words sticking in her throat on the way out.

Bennett whipped his head sharply to the side, his beer bottle frozen midway between the porch rail and his lips. “You... Never...”

“I’ve never felt out of control. In that...situation. That’s all I’m saying.”

Something caught between them in that moment, and it was electric, intense enough that it was undeniable. It rolled over her like a wave, an ultrasonic wave, sharp and shocky and quite unlike anything she had ever felt coming from him before. Yes, there had been some small moments. Little pops of awareness, of both of them suddenly remembering that they were male and female, and not simply two genderless people sharing a friendship.

But not like this. Nothing like this.

“Well,” he said, clearing his throat.

“Nothing good comes of it, apparently,” she said, her throat feeling scratchy.

“No,” Bennett said. “And I’ve made sure it never happened to me again.”

“Does that mean...” She shouldn’t be continuing this conversation. She really shouldn’t. “You didn’t feel that way about Olivia?”

“I never slept with Olivia,” he said, his tone rough.

Kaylee felt like she’d been slapped. This was a lot of weird revelations for one night. “You never...you never slept with her?”

“No,” Bennett responded. “I never did. She wanted to wait until we were engaged. And we never got engaged.”

“I thought that you...” She had spent so much time imagining dark-haired, petite Olivia wrapped around Bennett, had made herself sick thinking about it. And he hadn’t done it. “She’s so...beautiful,” she finished lamely.

Olivia was everything Kaylee wasn’t. Petite. Feminine.

“She was safe,” Bennett said. He took another drink of beer. “I wanted safe. I wanted something that I could plan. I wanted to be able to plan my life. And she seemed like a pretty great thing to plan it around. She felt the same way about me. It was never... We were never in love, we were just hoping to make a good life together. And then I lost her, and now I have a kid. So I give up. I give up on sensible. I give up on control.” He shook his head and took another drink.

She had a feeling he did not give up on control at all. That he was going to try to corral and take the reins of this situation, whatever he said now.

“I see,” she said, looking up, her eyes clashing with his.

She hadn’t imagined it. Hadn’t for one moment fabricated that spark between them. It was there. It was there now.

And then he looked down at her lips.

She felt the impact of that shoot down between her thighs. Good Lord Almighty. Bennett Dodge was looking at her mouth.

Bennett Dodge was having a breakdown. And if he did something with her now, it was only going to be for that reason.

That snapped her back to reality. She took a swig of beer, needing for her lips to be busy so that they didn’t decide to occupy their time with him.

“I should go,” she said.

“Do you have to?”

“Yes,” she said, not quite sure if they were talking over the top of the same subtext. She knew what she felt. She knew what she read here, but apparently she didn’t know much of anything. Bennett hadn’t slept with Olivia. He thought she was safe.

It was a totally different relationship to the one she had thought she had been witnessing. The one where he called her princess. Where he treated her like this beautiful, delicate and fragile thing that Kaylee was so certain she could never be.

This wonderful, deserving little creature that Kaylee knew she wasn’t.

But his relationship with Olivia hadn’t been passionate or physical. All that time she’d tortured herself over it and he’d never been with Olivia. She would never have guessed that.

So maybe Bennett was looking at her mouth because he wanted to kiss her, or maybe he was trying to figure out how much beer she was going to drink, or he was just spacing out because everything was weird.

Whatever, she wasn’t in the space to try to figure it out and she needed to stop trying before she did something really foolish.

“I’m going to have to go over to the ranch and talk to my brothers tomorrow. Will you go with me?”

“Of course I will.”

No matter what was wacky and off tonight, she was going to be there for him. There was no question about that. That was the kind of friendship they had. That kind of unconditional support that he had been the first person to show her.

“Thank you,” he said. She shrugged and set the beer on the porch rail, turning to walk down the steps. And then, Bennett spoke again, his voice heavy. “Kaylee... I really need our friendship right now.”

Those words were so weighted down that she knew in that instance he had felt the same thing she had.