Christmastime Cowboy

“I wonder what Violet is going to think,” Finn said with a grin.

“A baby cousin might be something she can’t play it cool about.” Cain’s daughter was in the throes of teenage snark and angst, so it was difficult to guess how she’d react to much of anything.

As far as Liam went, he was happy for his brother. But it kind of underscored the fact that everyone around him was living in a completely different phase of life than him. A different phase of life than he was ever going to live. Marriage. Family. Babies. None of it was his cup of tea. Not at all. All that happy family stuff was just a load of crap as far as he was concerned.

Yeah, he knew some people were happy. But it had never been him. And he didn’t know why he would sign on to that kind of thing. Not again. He had grown up in a house with a mom and dad. They had been in love.

And it had been awful. Vile and toxic.

Full of drama and cheating. His mother taking her anger out on her sons—most especially him—and eventually the inevitable meltdown of the relationship.

Still, he hoped that Lane and Finn would be happy. They would keep being happy. As far as he could see, they were. And it wasn’t some kind of Leave It to Beaver fantasy. Where everybody acted like they had a lobotomy just because they had fallen in love and gotten married. No. They were real people still. They were just people who seemed committed to making a life with each other. People who really loved each other. But Finn and Lane had been best friends before they had fallen in love.

As for his brother Cain and his wife, Alison, it was a second marriage for both of them. They both knew what hadn’t worked the first time around, and they seemed settled this time. He figured if you were going to do it again, you had to be pretty damn sure.

And Alex... The youngest of the Donnellys had recently gotten engaged to his fiancée, Clara. And Liam thought that Clara particularly was a little young for all of that. But like Alex always was, he was happy. Reckless and certain. Liam was glad that Alex had that certainty even after their growing-up years.

Liam didn’t. More than that, he didn’t want it.

It didn’t mean that watching all this happiness unfold in front of him didn’t make his chest feel weird though. Didn’t make him feel like he was in a strange space of longing for something he knew wouldn’t actually suit him. Like being allergic to peanuts and wanting a Snickers bar.

It was a reminder. A reminder of that small, bright window of time where he had thought that maybe, just maybe, he could have something more. More than what he had ever imagined. More than what he had thought someone like him could ever hope to touch.

That summer with Sabrina.

He’d made the right choice then. He was confident in that.

And he didn’t like dredging up all this old crap.

But, since he was trying out having a family rather than existing in isolation, he figured he had better smile and say something that wasn’t profane. “Congratulations,” he said finally. “That’s great.”

“I’m not sure you really think it’s great,” Finn said, a slight smile on his lips.

“It’s great for you,” Liam said. “I want a wife and kids like I want a suspicious rash.”

“Given your behavior, the suspicious rash is a lot more likely.”

Liam flipped his brother off, then continued up the stairs. He needed something. To change before he went outside and worked. To take a hot shower. Something. Something to keep his head on straight. He had to call Gage West and figure out when he and Sabrina could meet up to deal with that real estate stuff. Which meant seeing Sabrina again.

He had gone thirteen years without seeing her, and it had worked out pretty well. Seeing her, he supposed, didn’t really have to mean a damn thing.

If he kept repeating that to himself, he might just start believing it.

CHAPTER THREE (#ubbe947aa-eeb1-52ef-9e56-32bab7e8d982)

SABRINA WAS SURE that Liam was out to ruin her life. Because not only did he manage to make their appointment to go look at the building the very next day after she had already shared the same airspace as him, but he made the appointment at 7:00 a.m.

Scowling, she charged into The Grind and shook the dampness from her boots, curling her toes and trying to stave off the chill. The coffeehouse always had a warmth about it, with its exposed brick walls and rough-hewn floor. It created a stark contrast with the stormy gray outside.

There was a line, because it was six forty-five, and she supposed that everybody was rushing to get their caffeine fix before they went about their days. Though there were also some retirees sitting, using social media on their tablets or playing crosswords in the newspaper. As if they had all the time in the world. Sabrina supposed they did.

There were a few people that look like they might be students, or graphic design types, wearing flannel with messy buns tied high on top of their heads. Men and women alike.

She envied them. She wanted to sit in the coffee shop all morning by herself on her computer. She did not want to contend with reality. She did not want to deal with Liam Donnelly, and yet, here she was about to be dealing with Liam Donnelly at far-too-early-o’clock.

She wrapped her arms around herself and hopped in place, distracting herself with her movements more than actually needing the warmth.

When she reached the front of the line, the girl behind the register smiled. Sabrina didn’t think she possessed the ability to smile at the moment. “Just a coffee,” she said. She was tempted to add that the girl was welcome to hold the cheer. “Room for cream.” She made no comments about cheer.

That was the worst part about living in a small town. You really couldn’t let yourself have a bad day. Because if you did, inevitably the person whose head you bit off today was the daughter of someone you needed to approve a permit tomorrow. Or the person writing up your bank loan.

Or just uncomfortably, someone you had to see day in and day out forever after and pretend that you never had a tantrum wherein you acted like a petty child that one time.

Small-town politics were a thing. A thing that left very little room for cranky faces and sharp remarks.

Though she was ever grateful for the etiquette that allowed two people to ignore each other as long as they could successfully not make eye contact. The tacit understanding that you could both pretend you hadn’t seen each other so that you could get on with your day.

That brought to mind the shock of running into Liam. That first time. They had definitely made eye contact. There was no way she could pretend she hadn’t seen him. And so she had fled Ace’s bar like a scalded cat.

Her pride had yet to recover from that. Because she had some difficulty explaining it the next day to her sister-in-law.

Not that she had given much explanation.

Frankly, the whole story with Liam was just more embarrassing than anything else. Embarrassing because she had been an idiot. Embarrassing because it still hurt. Because she had gone all-in on what her teenage heart had imagined was love, and caused a permanent rift with her father that hadn’t healed yet.

Just looking at Liam hurt. She didn’t know why, but it was all as tender as if it had happened yesterday.

Because when he had broken her heart, he had truly broken it.

She would love it if there was a more dramatic story. If she could claim that he had callously taken her virginity and ruined her for all other men, etc. etc.

Sadly, all she could really say was...that he had humiliated her. Made her feel like a fool. Made her feel as though she couldn’t trust a single instinct that she had. It had been the gutting loss of a friend and first love all in one. She’d laid herself bare to him—literally—and then he’d rejected her and disappeared. From her life. From town.

Then, not content to let that be the last of it, she’d confronted her father, who had confessed to her he’d told Liam to go. That he’d paid him to leave her alone.

Discovering that Liam had put a dollar amount on their friendship had been intensely wounding. Almost more so than his rejection.

But not even that had been enough for her in her seventeen-year-old despair. No, no. She’d had to get wasted at an event at the winery for the incumbent mayor of Copper Ridge and make a total ass of herself in front of every influential person in Logan County.

And loudly revealing her family’s worst secrets to hurt her father the way he’d hurt her...

Well, that wasn’t really about Liam anymore. Even if he was the root cause.

Of her estrangement with her dad and her eternal humiliation over playing the part of wounded opera heroine so publicly. As she put her pain and the depth of all her feelings on display for everyone.

Just remembering it made her skin crawl with humiliation.

She took a deep breath, trying to dispel the tightness in her chest. Trying her damnedest to smile when the girl behind the counter handed her her cup of coffee. She took the lid off, and the dark, scalding liquid spilled over the edge and onto her skin. She growled and stuck her thumb into her mouth, trying to alleviate some of the burn.