The Lower Depths

THE BARON [pacing up and down] You know – as far back as I can remember, there’s been a sort of fog in my brain. I was never able to understand anything. Somehow I feel embarrassed – it seems to me that all my life I’ve done nothing but change clothes – and why? I don’t understand! I studied – I wore the uniform of the Institute for the Sons of the Nobility.. but what have I learned? I don’t remember! I married – I wore a frock-coat – then a dressing-gown.. but I chose a disagreeable wife.. and why? I don’t understand. I squandered everything that I possessed – I wore some sort of a grey jacket and brick-colored trousers – but how did I happen to ruin myself? I haven’t the slightest idea… I had a position in the Department of State… I wore a uniform and a cap with insignia of rank… I embezzled government funds.. so they dressed me in a convict’s garb – and later on I got into these clothes here – and it all happened as in a dream – it’s funny.

SATINE. Not very! It’s rather – silly!

THE BARON. Yes – silly! I think so, too. Still – wasn’t I born for some sort of purpose?

SATINE [laughing] Probably – a man is born to conceive a better man. [Shaking his head] – It’s all right!

THE BARON. That she-devil Nastka! Where did she run to? I’ll go and see – after all, she.. [Exit; pause]

THE ACTOR. Tartar! [Pause] Prince! [The Tartar looks round] Say a prayer for me.

THE TARTAR. What?

THE ACTOR [softly] Pray – for me!

THE TARTAR [after a silence] Pray for your own self!

THE ACTOR [quickly crawls off the stove and goes to the table, pours out a drink with shaking hands, drinks, then almost runs to passage] All over!

SATINE. Hey, proud Sicambrian! Where are you going?

[Satine whistles. Miedviedieff enters, dressed in a woman’s flannel shirt-waist; followed by Bubnoff. Both are slightly drunk. Bubnoff carries a bunch of pretzels in one hand, a couple of smoked fish in the other, a bottle of vodka under one arm, another bottle in his coat pocket.]

MIEDVIEDIEFF. A camel is something like a donkey – only it has no ears..

BUBNOFF. Shut up! You’re a variety of donkey yourself!

MIEDVIEDIEFF. A camel has no ears at all, at all – it hears through its nostrils.

BUBNOFF [to Satine] Friend! I’ve looked for you in all the saloons and all the cabarets! Take this bottle – my hands are full.

SATINE. Put the pretzels on the table – then you’ll have one hand free —

BUBNOFF. Right! Hey – you donkey – look! Isn’t he a clever fellow?

MIEDVIEDIEFF. All crooks are clever – I know! They couldn’t do a thing without brains. An honest man is all right even if he’s an idiot.. but a crook must have brains. But, speaking about camels, you’re wrong.. you can ride them – they have no horns.. and no teeth either.

BUBNOFF. Where’s everybody? Why is there no one here? Come on out.. I treat! Who’s in the corner?

SATINE. How soon will you drink up everything you have? Scarecrow!

BUBNOFF. Very soon! I’ve very little this time. Zob – where’s Zob?

KLESHTCH [crossing to table] He isn’t here.

BUBNOFF. Waughrr! Bull-dog! Brr-zz-zz! – Turkey-cock! Don’t bark and don’t growl! Drink – make merry – and don’t be sullen! – I treat everybody – Brother, I love to treat – if I were rich, I’d run a free saloon! So help me God, I would! With an orchestra and a lot of singers! Come, every one! Drink and eat – listen to the music – and rest in peace! Beggars – come, all you beggars – and enter my saloon free of charge! Satine – you can have half my capital – just like that!

SATINE. You better give me all you have straight away!

BUBNOFF. All my capital? Right now? Well – here’s a ruble – here’s twenty kopecks – five kopecks – sun flower seeds – and that’s all!

SATINE. That’s splendid! It’ll be safer with me – I’ll gamble with it.

MIEDVIEDIEFF. I’m a witness – the money was given you for safe-keeping. How much is it?

BUBNOFF. You? You’re a camel – we don’t need witnesses.

ALYOSHKA [comes in barefoot] Brothers, I got my feet wet!

BUBNOFF. Go on and get your throat wet – and nothing’ll happen – you’re a fine fellow – you sing and you play – that’s all right! But it’s too bad you drink – drink, little brother, is harmful, very harmful.

ALYOSHKA. I judge by you! Only when you’re drunk do you resemble a human being.. Kleshtch! Is my concertina fixed? [Sings and dances]

“If my mug were not so attractive,
My sweetheart wouldn’t love me at all.”

Boys, I’m frozen – it’s cold.

MIEDVIEDIEFF. Hm – and may I ask who’s this sweetheart?

BUBNOFF. Shut up! From now on, brother, you are neither a policeman nor an uncle!

ALYOSHKA. Just auntie’s husband!

BUBNOFF. One of your nieces is in jail – the other one’s dying.

MIEDVIEDIEFF [proudly] You lie! She’s not dying – she disappeared – without trace.

[Satine roars.]

BUBNOFF. All the same, brothers – a man without nieces isn’t an uncle!

ALYOSHKA. Your Excellency! Listen to the drummer of the retired billygoats’ brigade! [Sings]

“My sweetheart has money,
I haven’t a cent.
But I’m a cheerful,
Merry lad!”

Oh – isn’t it cold!

[Enter Zob. From now until the final curtain men and women drift in, undress, and stretch out on the bunks, grumbling.]

ZOB. Bubnoff! Why did you run off?

BUBNOFF. Come here – sit down – brother, let’s sing my favorite ditty, eh?

THE TARTAR. Night was made for sleep! Sing your songs in the daytime!