Heart of A Cowboy

“So what are you going to do?”

“That’s a good question. One I need an answer to.”

“Hon, you’ve got to figure that out yourself. I know it’s been rough raising Nicholas by yourself, especially with his heart problem, but the doctor said he was fine now, that the surgery was a success. You’ve done a wonderful job with him.”

“But, Mom, I’ve made some big mistakes.” She was blessed to have Nicholas in her life and wouldn’t trade him for anything. But a mistake she had been paying for these past eleven years was believing that she and Zachary would be together forever and giving herself to him before they were married.

“We all make mistakes. Remember Christ was the only person who walked this earth who was perfect. I’m not perfect. You aren’t. Zachary isn’t.”

“I know, but in South Carolina I could forget that Zachary was the other half of Nicholas. Here I can’t. I discovered that today. My past has caught up with me.”

“Then you need to tell Zachary right away.”

“I’ve got to find the right place and time. I want to tell Zachary before I say anything to Nicholas. I owe Zachary at least that much. I’m giving myself some time to figure it out. What to say. Where to say it. I’m not rushing into it. I’ve got to do it right.”

Her mother pushed to her feet, clutching the cold pack. “You always have to analyze everything. You never rush into anything. Don’t wait too long, hon. The truth needs to come from you and frankly Nicholas looks a lot like Zachary.”

Her son’s features were similar to Zachary’s, but Nicholas’s hair was blond and his stature was small like hers.

“As sharp as your son is, he might figure it out if given the time and given the connection between you two.”

Jordan stood. “Okay, you’ve made your point.” She couldn’t have that. She needed to decide how and when.

“Now if I could only make my point with your grandma.”

“What’s going on with Granny?”

“She has a date tonight.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Don’t you think eighty is a little old to start dating after being a widow for twenty-five years?”

Jordan chuckled. “It’s wonderful. Where did she meet him?”

“At church. He’s a widower. Doug Bateman lives down the street. She can barely walk without her walker, but I think she’s been sneaking out to meet him in the park.”

“She’s an adult. I think she can do what she wants.”

Her mother snorted, rounded the coffee table and crossed the den to the doorway. “I’m gonna see if I can get more support from your sister,” she mumbled as she left the room.

Jordan eased into the chair again. The throbbing beat of her headache pulsated behind her eyes. She buried her face in her hands and massaged her fingertips into her forehead.

I need help, Lord. I don’t know how to tell Zachary or Nicholas. Everything will change if I do.

“Ashley told me a new kid named Nicholas joined them today riding and his mother is Jordan. Do you have something to tell me?” Becca approached Zachary not an hour after Jordan had left the ranch with her son.

Zachary slanted a look at his sister standing on the other side of the corral fence with her hand on her hip. “Nope.”

“The other day I heard Jordan Masterson came back to town. Was that her?”

“Why didn’t you tell me she was back?” He removed his hat and tapped it against his jeans. “I don’t like surprises.”

“I didn’t think she would come out here.”

“So it was okay not to say anything to me? I was bound to meet her sometime in Tallgrass. We have a number of the same friends, and I’m sure she’ll get reacquainted with them.”

His older sister studied him. “I thought you had moved on.”

He’d thought so, too. Until he’d seen Jordan and all the old hurt came back. His gut burned as if acid eroded it. “As much as I’m enjoying this little chitchat, I’ve got to train this horse.” He gestured toward Midnight, warily watching him on the other side of the paddock.

Becca huffed, her mouth pinched into a frown. “If you need to talk, you know where the house is.”

As his sister left, Zachary made his way toward Midnight. He’d wanted a family, children, and couldn’t have any now. But in spite of the rodeo accident that snatched away his dream he’d carved out a life here in Tallgrass, and Jordan had come back and disrupted everything.

Why couldn’t she just stay away? Leave him in peace? All those years ago he’d fled his hometown because every place he’d gone reminded him of Jordan. Even when he had joined the army—anything different to take his thoughts off Jordan—in the back of his mind he’d clung to the hope she would call and come back to him. She never did, and he was left to pick up the pieces. When he had patched his life back together, he’d vowed she would never break his heart again.

And now he’d gone and agreed to teach her son to ride. Now he would have to see Jordan once a week. He didn’t want a weekly reminder of what could have been.

“Ms. Masterson, Nicholas seems to be having a hard time adjusting to this school. He knows the rules, and yet he snuck into the school at lunchtime when he was supposed to be outside on the playground. His teacher found him sitting at his desk when she came in after eating lunch.”

Seated in front of the elementary school principal on Wednesday, Jordan crossed her legs, shifting to try to make herself more comfortable. But there was no way around it. She felt as though she’d been sent to the principal’s office, rather than her son. “Was he disruptive or doing something he shouldn’t in the room?”

“No, but that’s not the point. He wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“Did you ask him why he came inside early?”

“He wouldn’t say why.” The principal scanned a piece of paper. “And I’ve got a report from the nurse that he’s going to her almost every day complaining of a stomachache or something else being wrong. Have you taken him to the doctor to make sure he’s all right?”

“Last week and he’s fine.” Jordan rose, gripping her purse in front of her like a firewall. “I’ll talk with him.” It was the same situation as his last school. He didn’t fit in easily. She needed to do something to make his learning years more enjoyable.

As the older woman came to her feet, she leaned into her desk. “Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped a grade.”

“That’s something the school in South Carolina did to keep him interested in his studies. The curriculum was too easy for him. Is he having problems academically?”

“On the contrary, his grades so far are excellent, but socially…” The principal averted her gaze for a moment then reestablished eye contact and said, “Frankly, he doesn’t interact with the other children much. I’m concerned about him.”

“Thank you. I’ll talk with Nicholas today about following the rules.” Her son always followed the rules. Which made this new behavior troubling.

When Jordan emerged from the principal’s office, Nicholas pushed himself off the wall and trudged toward her. With his head down, she couldn’t see his expression.

“We need to talk in the car.” She didn’t want others to overhear their conversation. She was determined to get to the bottom of what was happening to Nicholas.

Five minutes later with the air-conditioning cooling the interior of the car, Jordan sat behind the steering wheel in the parking lot of Key Elementary, Nicholas in the front seat next to her. “What’s going on at school?”

“I don’t understand the other guys’ fascination with video games and football.”

Well, neither did she but that didn’t solve the problem her son had. He was more comfortable with adults. “Are they making fun of you?”