A Baby on the Ranch

Eli kept looking at the door to the downstairs bedroom, waiting for it to open. It seemed to him as if Kasey had been in there with the baby for a long time.

Was that normal?

He debated knocking on the door to ask if everything was all right. But on the other hand, he didn’t want Kasey to feel as if he was crowding her, either.

He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he just kept watching the door for movement. He had no idea how long it took to actually feed an infant. Alma was the last one born in their family and since he was only eleven months older, he never had the opportunity to be around an infant.

Dragging a hand through his unruly, thick black hair, he blew out an impatient breath. No doubt about it, he’d never felt so out of his depth before.

When he glanced down at his watch, he noted that twenty minutes had passed. Again he wondered if he should be worried that something was wrong. Though she’d tried to hide it, Kasey had been pretty upset when she’d gone into the bedroom with the infant. Not that he could blame her. The man she’d wanted to count on had abandoned her without so much as a shred of consideration for how she would feel about the situation. Hollis certainly hadn’t had the courage to face her before he’d pulled his disappearing act.

She really was better off without him, but, if he said anything like that now, it might strike her as cold.

Frustrated, concerned, Eli ran his hand through his hair again, trying to think of a possible way to make things better for Kasey.

Maybe Hollis should have at least left her a letter or some sort of a note, apologizing for his actions and telling her that he just needed to get his head straight. That once that happened, maybe he could come back and do right by her. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became that Kasey would have taken comfort in that.

But there was no point in reflecting on that, since Hollis hadn’t even been thoughtful enough of her feelings to do something as simple as that—

Eli stopped thinking of what was and began thinking of what should have been.

If it helped, why not?

He looked at the door again, and then at the old-fashioned writing desk butted up against the far wall in the living room. Weighing the pros and cons, he wavered for less than a moment, then quickly crossed over to the desk, took out a piece of paper, a pen and an envelope.

With one eye on the entrance to the living room, watching for Kasey, he quickly dashed off a note of apology to her, doing his best to approximate Hollis’s handwriting, then signed it Hollis.

He’d just finished sealing the envelope when he heard the bedroom door opening. The very next moment, he heard Kasey calling to him.

“Eli? Eli, are you down here?” Her voice sounded as if she was coming closer.

Stuffing the envelope into his back pocket, Eli raised his own voice slightly. “Out here. I’m in the living room.”

The next moment Kasey walked into the room. Both she and the baby looked somewhat calmer.

“Well, he’s all fed and changed, thanks to the disposable diapers in that little care packet the hospital gave me.” Even as she said it, Kasey caught her lower lip between her teeth.

He was so tuned in to her, he could almost read her mind. She was already thinking ahead to all the things she was going to need, including a veritable mountain of disposable diapers.

“Well, unless we can get Wayne potty-trained by tonight, you’re going to need more of those,” he commented, taking the burden of having to mention it from her. “Tell you what, why don’t you make up a list of what you’ll need and I’ll take a quick trip into town?” Eli suggested.

Kasey smiled, grateful for his thoughtfulness. How did one man turn out like this while another—

Don’t go there, she warned herself. There weren’t any answers for her there and she would drive herself crazy with the questions.

“Sounds like a good idea,” she agreed. Then her eyes narrowed as she saw the long envelope sticking out of his back pocket. “What’s that?” she asked.

Appearing properly confused, Eli reached behind himself. He pulled out the envelope, looked at it and slowly allowed recognition to enter his expression.

“Oh, in all the excitement of bringing you and Wayne home, I totally forgot about this.”

Kasey cocked her head, curious as she studied him. “Forgot about what?”

“When Hollis came over in the middle of the night to ask me to look after you, he wanted me to give this to you.” And with that, he handed her the envelope.

She stared at it, then looked up at Eli. “Hollis left me a letter?” That really didn’t sound like the Hollis she knew. He would have made fun of anyone who actually put anything in writing.

“I don’t know if it’s a letter or not, but he left something,” Eli told her vaguely. “Here, why don’t you let me hold on to the little guy so you can open the envelope and see what’s inside.” Even as he made the offer, Eli was already taking Wayne away from her and into his arms.

Really puzzled now, Kasey nodded absently in Eli’s direction and opened the envelope. The letter inside was short and to the point. It was also thoughtfully worded. She read it twice, and then one last time, before raising her eyes to Eli’s face. She looked at him for a long moment.

Swaying slightly to lull the baby in his arms, he looked at her innocently. “So? What did Hollis have to say?”

She glanced down at the single sheet before answering. “That he was sorry. That it’s not me, it’s him. He doesn’t want to hurt me, but he just needs some time away to get his head together. Until he does, he can’t be the husband and father that we deserve. In the meantime, he’ll send money for the baby and me when he can,” she concluded. Very deliberately, she folded the letter and placed it back in its envelope.

Eli nodded. “That sounds about right. That’s more or less what he said to me before he left,” he explained when she looked at him quizzically. “At least he apologized to you.”

“Yes, at least he apologized,” she echoed quietly, raising her eyes to his. Still looking at him, she tucked the letter into her own pocket. There was an odd expression on her face.

Did she suspect? He couldn’t tell. There were times, such as now, when her expression was completely unreadable.

The next moment Kasey took her son back from Eli and sat with the infant on the sofa. A very loud sigh escaped her lips.

Eli perched on the arm of the sofa and looked into her face. Hollis was clearly out of his mind, walking away from this.

“Are you all right, Kasey?” he asked solicitously.

She nodded her head slowly in response. When she spoke, her voice seemed as if it was coming from a very far distance. And, in a way, she supposed it was. With each word he uttered, she closed the door a little further to her past.

He was about to ask her again when Kasey abruptly began to talk.

“I guess, deep down, I knew that Hollis wasn’t the father type. As long as it was just him and me, he could put up with some domesticity, provided it didn’t smother him.”

Her eyes stung and she paused for a moment before continuing. She didn’t tell Eli about the times she suspected that Hollis was stepping out on her, that he was seeing other women. There was no point in talking about that now.

“But then I got pregnant, and once the baby was here, it really hit Hollis that he might have to…” Her voice trailed off for a moment as she struggled with herself, vacillating between being angry at Hollis and feeling disloyal to him for talking about him this way. For once, anger won out. “That he might have to grow up,” she finally said.

“First of all, you didn’t just ‘get pregnant,’” Eli corrected. “Last time I checked, it took two to make that happen. Hollis was just as responsible for this as you were,” he pointed out.

Kasey smiled affectionately at him then. Smiled as she leaned forward and lightly touched his face. Both the look and the touch spoke volumes. But Eli had no interpreter and he wasn’t sure just what was hidden behind her smile or even if there was something hidden behind her smile.

All he knew was that, as usual, her smile drew him in. There were times, when he allowed his guard to slip, that he loved her so much that it hurt.

It would be hard having her here under his roof, sleeping here under his roof, and keeping a respectful distance from her at all times.

Not that he would ever disrespect her, he vowed, but God, he wanted to hold her in his arms right now. And more than anything in the world, he wanted to lean over and kiss her. Kiss her just once like a lover and not like a friend.

But that was impossible, and it would ruin everything between them.