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The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V
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Год написания книги
2019
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And they'd all be the same with me—
Ef I only had my ruthers.
I wouldn't likely know it all—
Ef I only had my ruthers;—
I'd know some sense, and some base-ball—
Some old jokes, and—some others:
I'd know some politics, and 'low
Some tarif-speeches same as now,
Then go hear Nye on "Branes and How
To Detect Theyr Presence." T'others,
That stayed away, I'd let 'em stay—
All my dissentin' brothers
Could chuse as shore a kill er cuore,
Ef I only had my ruthers.
The pore 'ud git theyr dues sometimes—
Ef I only had my ruthers,—
And be paid dollars 'stid o' dimes,
Fer children, wives and mothers:
Theyr boy that slaves; theyr girl that sews—
Fer others—not herself, God knows!—
The grave's her only change of clothes!
… Ef I only had my ruthers,
They'd all have "stuff" and time enugh
To answer one-another's
Appealin' prayer fer "lovin' care"—
Ef I only had my ruthers.
They'd be few folks 'ud ast fer trust,
Ef I only had my ruthers,
And blame few business-men to bu'st
Theyrselves, er harts of others:
Big Guns that come here durin' Fair-
Week could put up jest anywhare,
And find a full-and-plenty thare,
Ef I only had my ruthers:
The rich and great 'ud 'sociate
With all theyr lowly brothers,
Feelin' we done the honorun—
Ef I only had my ruthers.
THE DUTIFUL MARINER[4 - From "Nautical Lays of a Landsman," by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1904, by Dodd, Mead & Co.]
By Wallace Irwin
'Twas off the Eastern Filigrees—
Wizzle the pipes o'ertop!—
When the gallant Captain of the Cheese
Began to skip and hop.
"Oh stately man and old beside,
Why dost gymnastics do?
Is such example dignified
To set before your crew?"
"Oh hang me crew," the Captain cried,
"And scuttle of me ship.
If I'm the skipper, blarst me hide!
Ain't I supposed to skip?
"I'm growing old," the Captain said;
"Me dancing days are done;
But while I'm skipper of this ship
I'll skip with any one.
"I'm growing grey," I heard him say,
"And I can not rest or sleep
While under me the troubled sea
Lies forty spasms deep.
"Lies forty spasms deep," he said;
"But still me trusty sloop
Each hour, I wot, goes many a knot
And many a bow and loop.
"The hours are full of knots," he said,
"Untie them if ye can.
In vain I've tried, for Time and Tied
Wait not for any man.
"Me fate is hard," the old man sobbed,
"And I am sick and sore.
Me aged limbs of rest are robbed
And skipping is a bore.
"But Duty is the seaman's boast,
And on this gallant ship
You'll find the skipper at his post
As long as he can skip."
And so the Captain of the Cheese
Skipped on again as one
Who lofty satisfaction sees
In duty bravely done.
MELINDA'S HUMOROUS STORY
By May McHenry
Ef I only had my ruthers.
I wouldn't likely know it all—
Ef I only had my ruthers;—
I'd know some sense, and some base-ball—
Some old jokes, and—some others:
I'd know some politics, and 'low
Some tarif-speeches same as now,
Then go hear Nye on "Branes and How
To Detect Theyr Presence." T'others,
That stayed away, I'd let 'em stay—
All my dissentin' brothers
Could chuse as shore a kill er cuore,
Ef I only had my ruthers.
The pore 'ud git theyr dues sometimes—
Ef I only had my ruthers,—
And be paid dollars 'stid o' dimes,
Fer children, wives and mothers:
Theyr boy that slaves; theyr girl that sews—
Fer others—not herself, God knows!—
The grave's her only change of clothes!
… Ef I only had my ruthers,
They'd all have "stuff" and time enugh
To answer one-another's
Appealin' prayer fer "lovin' care"—
Ef I only had my ruthers.
They'd be few folks 'ud ast fer trust,
Ef I only had my ruthers,
And blame few business-men to bu'st
Theyrselves, er harts of others:
Big Guns that come here durin' Fair-
Week could put up jest anywhare,
And find a full-and-plenty thare,
Ef I only had my ruthers:
The rich and great 'ud 'sociate
With all theyr lowly brothers,
Feelin' we done the honorun—
Ef I only had my ruthers.
THE DUTIFUL MARINER[4 - From "Nautical Lays of a Landsman," by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1904, by Dodd, Mead & Co.]
By Wallace Irwin
'Twas off the Eastern Filigrees—
Wizzle the pipes o'ertop!—
When the gallant Captain of the Cheese
Began to skip and hop.
"Oh stately man and old beside,
Why dost gymnastics do?
Is such example dignified
To set before your crew?"
"Oh hang me crew," the Captain cried,
"And scuttle of me ship.
If I'm the skipper, blarst me hide!
Ain't I supposed to skip?
"I'm growing old," the Captain said;
"Me dancing days are done;
But while I'm skipper of this ship
I'll skip with any one.
"I'm growing grey," I heard him say,
"And I can not rest or sleep
While under me the troubled sea
Lies forty spasms deep.
"Lies forty spasms deep," he said;
"But still me trusty sloop
Each hour, I wot, goes many a knot
And many a bow and loop.
"The hours are full of knots," he said,
"Untie them if ye can.
In vain I've tried, for Time and Tied
Wait not for any man.
"Me fate is hard," the old man sobbed,
"And I am sick and sore.
Me aged limbs of rest are robbed
And skipping is a bore.
"But Duty is the seaman's boast,
And on this gallant ship
You'll find the skipper at his post
As long as he can skip."
And so the Captain of the Cheese
Skipped on again as one
Who lofty satisfaction sees
In duty bravely done.
MELINDA'S HUMOROUS STORY
By May McHenry
Другие электронные книги автора Marshall Pinckney Wilder
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