More Than You Know

More Than You Know
Matt Goss

Matt Goss recounts his unbelievable life story in emotional detail. From financially deprived but emotionally rich beginnings, Matt sees his fortunes literally turned upside-down, with all the fame, glamour and money he could hope for violently snatched away from him.Matt Goss has been a staple part of British tabloid life for years – yet, the general public has had no idea of the astounding life that he has led – and still lives – behind the headlines and sound-bites. Here, for the first time, he takes them into his confidence and reveals the true extent of his own astounding tale.Matt was brought up in a proudly close but financially frustrated south London family with twin brother Luke and his mother. Fortunes changed rapidly for Matt when, alongside his brother Luke and school friend Craig, he created Bros – a band that sold sixteen million records in an intensely chaotic and record-breaking reign over the world's pop charts. By the end of his teens, Matt could boast eleven Top 40 hits, number ones in nineteen countries, a Brit Award and the record for being the youngest band to headline Wembley Stadium.Bros became a by-word for mercurial celebrity extravagance, hysterical fan stories, financial scandal, personal tragedy, tortuous upset and glorious triumph. Yet after those bizarre and insane times, Matt's life became even more tempestuous, crammed with inner fear, personal revelation and unforeseen challenges.He is now back with a vengeance after spells on TV's Hell's Kitchen, finding a new audience through his acclaimed solo music career, which has already included chart-topping soundtracks and further Top 40 hits, plus his appearance in 2013’s Strictly Come Dancing Christmas contest.Here he finally tells the true story of his life, revealing a litany of private torment, personal revelations and celebrity anecdotes.This is the account of a man who can truly say that he has experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, to have held the world in his hand and seen it snatched away from him in the blink of an eye, yet has the strength of character and personal insight to continue to claim to be 'truly blessed'.

Dedicated to my grandad, Samuel Matthew Read – aka Harry – I love you

Contents

Cover (#u9fe6d6ca-09eb-5957-af65-32f89fb98778)

Title Page (#u1468d80e-5efe-5d65-a276-5c601eee26cf)

Dedication (#ulink_9c5da097-52d4-53b1-8800-4d5745b6d2b3)

1 Innocent As Snow (#ulink_27369db3-4eb1-5da5-b949-bbd5d4a0d7bd)

2 This Lonely River (#ulink_96b00363-26ec-53d6-b52e-93a2d8545232)

3 Some Roses In My Cheeks (#ulink_f1ad5c79-e92a-57c3-a84d-ca37266534f5)

4 Redirected (#ulink_19d83be8-9242-5c27-b2df-2aa0c05fd5ee)

5 The More I See The More I Want It (#ulink_305f7817-e442-5692-9321-b8651ce69ff6)

6 If I Was A Wishful Thinker . . . (#ulink_a4f42b03-5d38-52c8-b473-5d733091342f)

7 A Righteous Way Of Getting Paid (#ulink_8da14e21-ed67-50a7-b625-952ea9316b89)

8 A Pocket Full Of Green (#litres_trial_promo)

9 Dreams Cannot Rescue Me (#litres_trial_promo)

10 Even Angels Have A Past (#litres_trial_promo)

11 This Crazy Life (#litres_trial_promo)

12 Regret Ain’t Meant To Last (#litres_trial_promo)

13 When You’re Not Here (#litres_trial_promo)

14 When I Wake I Must Do More Than Exist (#litres_trial_promo)

15 The Best Part Of Me (#litres_trial_promo)

16 Chasing Demons (#litres_trial_promo)

17 All Those Who Don’t Believe (#litres_trial_promo)

18 I Can’t Hold My Breath That Long (#litres_trial_promo)

19 So Many Miles From Here (#litres_trial_promo)

20 Freefall (#litres_trial_promo)

21 My Heart Has Had Enough (#litres_trial_promo)

22 Life Is A Slow Dance (#litres_trial_promo)

23 My Solitude Will Fade Away (#litres_trial_promo)

24 Waiting For The Light (#litres_trial_promo)

25 Where You Are, Can You See The Moon? (#litres_trial_promo)

26 Just Me And My Thoughts (#litres_trial_promo)

27 I Think I’m Gonna Fly (#litres_trial_promo)

28 Gangster Or Spiritual Leader (#litres_trial_promo)

29 It’s Good To See You Again Postscript (#litres_trial_promo)

Picture Section (#litres_trial_promo)

Postscript (#litres_trial_promo)

Index (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)

Picture Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

ONE (#ulink_d1d63da8-4436-573a-9f42-aeafa1996699)

Innocent As Snow (#ulink_d1d63da8-4436-573a-9f42-aeafa1996699)

When I was a little boy and had toothache, my grandad would lay his hand on my cheek and the pain would go away. I can still feel the roughness of his builder’s hands on my young face. His home, a flat in Crawford Road, Camberwell, south-east London was an emotional anchor for my childhood, one of the few constants in my early life, along with my twin brother Luke and my mum. We moved house so often, nine times in all. That flat was the only place that stayed the same. At that tender age, I knew so little of what lay ahead. No one could have possibly predicted I would lead a life as exciting, traumatic, extreme, painful, loving and rewarding as I have. There would be so many moments of such exhilaration that I felt as if I’d been blessed. There would also be several times when I would wish that Grandad could have laid his hands on me and made the pain go away. Back then, as long as the toothache subsided, I was happy.

For the first five years of my life, everything seemed normal. Mum and Dad had fallen for each other in, of all places, a hospital, when my mum and her sister Ann were visiting their gran. My parents were both very stylish, shared a passion for music and quickly fell madly in love with each other. My dad, Alan Goss, was a bit of a Mod and my mum, Carol Read, liked the way the Mods dressed. They were both barely into their twenties but the relationship was immediately very intense – so much so that less than a year after they first met, Mum accepted Dad’s proposal of marriage, at Christmas 1967.

Mum was the middle of three kids and, unusually, was exactly twelve years older than her younger sister, my Aunt Sally. There must be something in the family genes about babies arriving on the same day! Reading between the lines, I think Mum sometimes felt a little bit of a piggy-in-the-middle, with Ann being the first-born and Sally being the apple of her parents’ eye, the baby. But Mum never complained, ever. It’s just not her way. Besides, she was very close to both her parents. When her mum died, on Bonfire Night, 1971, my mum was devastated.

Grandad was bereft. His wife Win was everything to him. She was a very spiritual lady and their hearts were seamlessly dovetailed. Grandad’s full name is Samuel Matthew Read (which is where I get my Christian name) but most people know him as Harry. He was a gunner in the Second World War and his trade throughout most of his life was as a builder’s foreman. He’d planned on studying to become a surveyor but the army interrupted that; on his return from war, he found work in a trade desperate for labour to help rebuild the capital. Consequently, he worked on the construction of some of London’s many important buildings.

When he lost his wife, rather than disown his faith, Grandad leaned towards it. Although he was a bit of a ruffian, Grandad found that he had a gift and subsequently became a faith healer. Obviously, many people are sceptical of this whole subject, but I have seen what he is capable of with my own eyes. I could choose from scores of incidents to illustrate this. For example, many years ago, a man who’d heard about Grandad’s gift came to Crawford Road, explained that he had been diagnosed with brain cancer and given only three months to live. He asked only that Grandad help him to prepare for what was coming. Along with a friend, Grandad gave this man intense healing. One month passed, then two, then three and still there were no signs of this man’s physical or mental deterioration. Then the cancer started to regress. Eventually, the disease was just a single, small tumour which surgeons were able to remove successfully. That man is still alive to this day.