The subpersonalities in your head. Psychological Analysis

Controllers see themselves as the centre of the universe, which leads to their two biggest issues: responsibility and guilt. If I am so omnipotent, I must foresee everything, plan everything, and control everything – and if something goes wrong, it must be my fault, even if I wasn’t present at the time. Such a person can’t admit that some things are beyond their control, that some events can’t be predicted or influenced. Because that would mean saying goodbye to their grandiosity – and they can’t accept that.

Gradually, this total control extends to their close circle: they force everyone to walk in line. Often, this stems from fear of social judgement. After all, if a person doesn’t regularly check in with their family about where they are, what they’re doing, or how they’re progressing, it means they’re being irresponsible toward their family. In other words, they don’t care at all about how their loved ones live – and in society’s eyes, they will appear irresponsible and unpromising.”

“Partially, I can agree, of course, but…”

“There are various moments shaped by a person’s life experience,” Zamorochkin reflected. “For example, I had two negative experiences – nearly drowning and being bitten by a dog. Of course, there was also the control from parents, educators, teachers, coaches – all of them wanted to protect me and help me overcome difficulties. But other people have very negative experiences too. So how can they live without control?!”

Over the course of life, character develops, conclusions are drawn from experiences, and everyone moves through life based on all of that. Of course, control – let’s call it “Controllius” – is always present. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it interferes.

But in either case, it’s necessary.

Now, when I see a dog, I don’t rush headlong or put my hand in its mouth. I stay close to my nephews and friends’ children when they approach water or dogs. I already had a tragic experience of nearly drowning, and I’ll do everything to keep a child safe! This “Controllius” activates my survival instinct – and that’s a positive thing!

Let’s consider the negative side: I might yell at a child or pull them away when they approach a dog. By doing so, I prevent them from gaining the same experience I had. And when they face a dog alone, they won’t have that instinct. But I could first meet the dog myself, learn its behaviour and aggression level, and only then allow the child to play with it! And of course – we’ll never have a dog!

P.S. Control can lead to overprotection of one’s children – in everything! No matter where they are or what they’re doing – the fear that something might happen to them. What to do when such control arises? Of course, work through your own control, your tension, fear, and anxiety.

Because if you control every step of your child (even if they’re 30), they won’t learn anything new, won’t gain experience, and won’t become independent. Our experience is our experience. Someone else’s experience isn’t ours – it can’t be valuable to us because we haven’t lived through it.

Therefore, only working through your own fears and worries will help you release control over your child – and consequently, help them become independent and confident in life. It’s not easy, but it’s possible!

* * *

Zamorochkin was driving along the main road. His thoughts were far from the mood of the weather – the blizzard, slushy snow, and grime kicked up by all sorts of vehicles, especially trucks. Upbeat music played on the radio.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Zamorochkin yelled at the driver of another car who was trying to pull out from a side road – boldly, abruptly, and defiantly.

“Can’t you see I’m on the main road?! Are you stupid or what?!” Zamorochkin shouted, waving his arms.

The other driver responded with aggressive facial expressions and gestures. Zamorochkin refused to let him in and continued driving almost bumper-to-bumper. Eventually, Zamorochkin passed, leaving the bold driver behind. Zamorochkin praised himself for this – after all, why should he have let him through?!

“I don’t want to, that’s it!” Zamorochkin said. “Why do they all push in… He could’ve waited or waved, like: ‘Please, brother, can I go through?’ Of course, I would’ve let him pass… But bold people need to be taught a lesson!”

As Zamorochkin talked to himself, he didn’t notice that the car ahead suddenly stopped. Two men jumped out, walked up to the driver’s door, and started yelling aggressively for him to get out.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” Zamorochkin shouted back. “What’s your problem? I’m calling the police right now!”

They didn’t back off and tried to open the door. Zamorochkin jumped out and started arguing with them. Luckily, he had trained in various martial arts in his youth, so when the two men started grabbing at him, he easily threw them in different directions. Not expecting such resistance and sensing his strength, they decided to talk calmly with Zamorochkin.

“Guys, you realized you were wrong! Why act so boldly? Of course, I would’ve let you through if you’d waved politely!”

“Brother, okay, we got carried away! Let’s just part ways peacefully! We’re running late!”

“Okay!” Zamorochkin replied, getting back into his car.

“What a night this is turning out to be?! I was driving fine! Not bothering anyone! The music was great! And they ruined my whole mood! It doesn’t seem fair!”

P.S. Justice is a good thing, but… It can be very dangerous, especially nowadays! You could not just get hurt, but even lose your life! That’s why “Justicius” is always accompanied by “Controllius” and “Distrustinus” – they’re like bodyguards and protectors during “Justicius’s” moments of euphoria.

Each of us sees, interprets, and relates to a situation from our own perspective. And both opponents are always right! Zamorochkin didn’t want to let the bold driver through because he was on the main road and was right in this situation. He was thinking about the rules and his own rightness, unaware of the other driver’s circumstances.

Let’s face it – none of us are perfect, and we’ve all had situations where we were running late, breaking rules, being bold, squeezing into traffic. People let us through, we’d flash our hazard lights in gratitude, and keep driving. Everyone stays calm, relaxed, right, and happy with their lives! The “Super-Rational” driver (another sub-personality just occurred to me!) would be pleased! And you wouldn’t be fraying your nerves! As scientists say – nerve cells don’t regenerate!

If you’re confident in yourself – why stress and get nervous?!

Author’s Note

While working with a client, I came up with this phrase: Jesus taught us: “Love your neighbour as yourself!” A psychologist’s therapy involves first teaching the client to love themselves, and only then learning to love others.

There’s something to think about, isn’t there?!

Zamorochkin entered the Moscow Ring Road, and his car slowly crawled in traffic. Instrumental music played on the radio, and he drifted into his memories.

* * *

Zamorochkin was walking around the courtyard when he saw a boy about his age – 12 years old – beating up another boy who was about 7.

“Hey! Why are you bothering him?!” Zamorochkin shouted at the older boy.

“Why are you so cocky?!” the older boy replied.

“He’s smaller than you. Let him go. What did he do to you?”

“The little one was insulting me, so I want to teach him a lesson.”

“Well, that’s not good. But you’re bigger than him. Give him a slap on the back of the head and let him go. He’s still dumb, doesn’t understand.”

“Exactly, I need to make him understand not to do that,” the peer replied. “I could punch you too!”

“Go ahead, then!” Zamorochkin stepped closer, and they grappled with each other. They fought so hard and fiercely that two grown men had difficulty separating them. The boys rubbed their red noses and tried to kick each other.