Expectant Father

“It’s not a man’s world anymore.” Becca struggled to make her words sound convincing. The farther she climbed up the management ladder, the less she could say about the way it really was in the system. She didn’t know Victoria at all, and, much as she wanted to, she wasn’t going to agree with her about the barriers women still faced in wildland firefighting ten minutes after meeting her.

Becca picked up an apple and wiped it with a napkin to keep herself from admitting anything. She’d accepted her dinner invitation to help Victoria, not ruin her chances at that promotion. A quick glance showed her that all the men in IC, including Carl, were congregated at a table on the other side of the mess area.

Victoria looked at her closely, then sighed. “So if I say I’m going to file a harassment suit against the Department of Forestry because my crew ran down the mountain, flags waving out of their boxers, you’re going to tell me I should, right?” Despite the bandages around her wrists, Victoria had delicate hands with short nails painted a beautiful shade of red. She pointed at Becca, her disappointment evident in every word. “You don’t understand. It’s different out there.”

Becca did understand. It wasn’t that different in base camp. To succeed, a woman had to have a nearly squeaky-clean reputation, look the other way seventy-five percent of the time, as well as be quicker, smarter and tougher than a man. Becca stroked a hand around her belly. Try outdoing a man while being pregnant.

“Forget it,” Victoria said, turning her attention to her meal.

The Hot Shot’s disappointment stung because Becca and this woman had a lot in common. Both were struggling to appear as strong and capable as any man. Keeping up the facade was a tough job. For the first time since joining NIFC, Becca was tired of doing it. Granted, the pregnancy was sapping her staying power, and her pounding head wound wasn’t helping her energy level today, but mentally, Becca needed time away to regroup, even if it was only an afternoon. Time was something she didn’t have in base camp, not when she didn’t have an accomplished assistant.

While Becca stared at Victoria’s nail polish, the baby kicked her ribs as if in reprimand. Still she hesitated.

“So much for the myth of the sisterhood,” Victoria mumbled with a shake of her head.

Becca had watched out for her female colleagues most of her life. And, in their own way, they’d watched out for Becca. There were some things that only another woman would understand. The Hot Shot was right—in a man’s world, women needed to support each other.

“Off the record—” Becca put her fork down, glancing around to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard “—you and I both know you can’t file a claim.” She’d be labeled trouble, and no one would hire her after that.

“I know.” Victoria pushed her spaghetti around her plate. “This is my second year as a Hot Shot. I thought the first year was tough but this year is different. Everything seems to be going wrong. Everything,” she repeated, a dejected gloss in her eyes.

“You just need to find your rhythm, that’s all.” Becca had been right to spend time with Victoria. She seemed to need a friend.

“Do you really think so?”

Becca put her hand on Victoria’s, careful of the bandages around her wrist. “Hey, if it’s worth it to you, it’s worth the sacrifice—the dirty jokes, the way they act like fifteen-year-old boys, even the skinny-dipping in that mountain stream—all the things they can do together that you can’t because you’re a woman. If you want to fight fires that much, it’s just like having a bad commute or a crummy office—you put up with it, because you’re good at it and you want this more than anything.”

“I can’t see myself doing something else. It’s stupid, but I feel as if I was destined to do it, even though it’s harder than anything I’ve ever tried before.” Victoria’s smile elicited one from Becca, who knew exactly what the Hot Shot meant. “Some of the assistant supers, well, just one of the assistant supers, gives me a pretty hard time. He’s not in charge of my unit, thank heavens, but he…” She glanced up. “Here he comes.”

To Becca’s dismay, Aiden was bearing down upon them with Jackson. She swung one leg over the bench to leave. She’d been lucky—if offended—so far in that Aiden didn’t remember her. Just how far would luck take her?

“Don’t go,” Victoria whispered, a plea in her eyes that Becca wanted to ignore. The woman needed more backbone if she wanted to succeed out here.

Becca hesitated long enough for the men to stop at their table. If she left now, she’d have to acknowledge Aiden. Sensing her agitation, the baby hiccuped. Maybe if she sat really still, they’d ignore her.

“How are you feeling?” Jackson asked Becca as he stopped near her with a friendly smile.

Trying not to grit her teeth, she reassured Jackson that she was fine and bit into her apple, carefully wiping the juice from the corners of her mouth. Out of the corner of her eye, Becca caught Aiden looking at her with his now familiar scowl.

The baby hiccuped again.

Becca stared at her plate. How dare he not remember her? How dare he not remember the way she’d taken him to the limits of his willpower and beyond. She just had to look at him and she was flooded with memories.

And an unwanted sense of longing.

She arched her back as the baby hiccuped a third time. Aiden probably dismissed her as just another old, pregnant woman, of no more interest to him than a heavily veiled nun.

Without preamble, Jackson got down to business. “Victoria, I think you might benefit from a change. I’m assigning you to Spider’s unit.”

Victoria appeared stricken. “Why?”

“Maybe he thinks I’ll whip you into shape,” Spider said, arms crossed over his chest. He didn’t smile or reassure Victoria in any way. He clearly did not want Victoria reporting to him and Becca felt sorry for her all over again.

She willed Victoria to fling a snappy retort at him, but Victoria didn’t move or speak. Without thinking, Becca stepped up for her new friend. “Maybe Jackson thinks Victoria will whip you into shape, Aiden.” Then, because she was a little surprised at herself and wanted to soften her words, Becca gave him a cordial smile.

Jackson and Aiden were momentarily speechless.

“I think the team would benefit from the change.” Jackson finally filled the awkward silence. Then he touched Victoria’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

Victoria’s curt nod and downcast eyes broadcast how hurt she was by the move. Aiden had gone back to scowling.

“Get some rest. We’ll see you in the morning.” Jackson bid them good-night.

“Socrates…er, Sirus, asked me to talk to you about our experience today,” Aiden said with a stubborn set to his chin.

Becca managed to choke out, “Perhaps I can find some time for you after the briefing.” Drat. It was the last thing she wanted to do.

With a brief nod in Becca’s direction, Aiden followed Jackson up to the dinner line.

“Thanks.” Victoria groaned. “Spider hates me.”

“Don’t give him an inch. Guys like him look for weakness, especially in women out here.” Becca wasn’t going to let Aiden find her weakness, her secret. The baby shimmied around, making her dizzy for a few seconds.

“Oh, great. Just what I need to top my day.” Victoria ducked her head. “There’s that creepy old guy.”

“Who?” Becca glanced around, one hand splayed protectively across her belly.

Victoria made a face. “That guy with shaggy hair standing at the end of this row of tables.”

Becca tried to look casually in that direction. She spotted a beaten-looking firefighting veteran. He was gazing at them with a dull expression on his lined face, then he turned his attention to Jackson and Aiden.

“I’ve seen him around fire camps this year,” Victoria whispered, barely moving now, as if keeping still might make her invisible. “He seems to stare at our crew a lot. It creeps me out.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Becca saw Aiden turn and lock his gaze on her. She was suddenly able to relate to Victoria as a target of unwanted attention. She rubbed the baby in her tummy with one hand, trying to reassure herself that he didn’t recognize her, although it was disappointing that he didn’t. She’d thought they’d been spectacular together.

It was hard to believe that her impression had been wrong.

Maybe…she sucked in bed.

Becca shied away from the embarrassing notion. It didn’t matter that she was nothing to Aiden or any other man, for that matter. She’d gotten what she wanted.

Becca patted her belly again.

“I KNOW HER,” SPIDER SAID as he trudged back up the hill with Golden to the supper line. The afternoon breeze had died down and the oppressive heat was making one last run before the sun sank low on the horizon. “She knew my name.” Few people in the fire community knew his given name.

“The Fire Behavior Analyst?” Golden asked. “You might. She’s been around for years and years. I hear her brother was a Hot Shot a long time ago.”

“She’s not that old,” Spider grumbled, not knowing why he felt the need to stick up for her. “Have we been on other fires with her?”