Play It Again, Sahm

Rosalyn Ebberly

SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)

THAT’S her big confession? After all the pomposity, after all the “I’m so much better than you, you poor things, why can’t you be more like me…ah, but you can’t and never will, you LOSERS”…after waging a war on Christmas because retailers weren’t saying the greeting SHE thought was most correct…after being so paranoid about her husband that she hired a detective to spy on him…after her kids were freaking out and drawing pictures of themselves in COFFINS…

She expects us to be impressed that she’s confessed to a lack of interest in the culinary arts???

Air. I need air. I’m hyperventilating. Her first day back, and I’m already developing a nervous tic. At this rate, we’ll ALL need intensive therapy.

Z

How do you really feel, Ham? Honestly. Share it on the loop, dear one. You know it’s for posterity. The emotional health of your children hangs in the balance.

Dulcie

Don’t tempt me.

Z

Poor Zelia, it sounds as if you may have some unforgiveness toward her. Are you certain you don’t need to confess it on the loop? It will do you much good.

Teasing,

Phyllis

Phyllis, darling, don’t you have a graduate class to study for? Something along the lines of “Dripping Faucets: A Survey of the Most Irritating Women of Western Civilization”? You could write a paper on our loop moderator.

Besides, the TOTW was about honesty, not forgiveness. I’ve never struggled with being honest.

Z

Betcha five bucks that forgiveness is next week’s topic.

Dulcie

Dulcie,

I’ll see your five and raise you one.

Phyllis

Aaaarrrgghhh!!! You’re a PASTOR’S WIFE! You don’t make bets! And besides, you did it wrong. If you think Dulcie’s bet is right, why would you raise it? Oh, never mind… I have to go pick up my children from school. Why they have to schedule school all the way into June boggles the mind.

Z

Oops. Do you think I made her angry? I was only trying to joke around with her. All of you know I think betting is stupid. I was truly just kidding.

Phyllis

LOL! I think you’re okay, Phyllis. You know she’s been really touchy about Rosalyn ever since The-Incident-That-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned last year. But Z’s been a bit stressed out lately. No wonder—things haven’t been going too well with Lishan and Duri. I think she’s really worried about them. It’s been eighteen months since they brought those two home from Ethiopia, and they’re still having a lot of language problems. She told me Duri has been wetting the bed almost every night, and Lishan has terrible nightmares. I feel bad for her—wish there was something I could do to help.

Dulcie

Hi! I’m new—so I guess anything I share will fit the topic of the week because I’ve never told it to any of you! LOL!

I’m Hannah, and I’m nineteen years old. I have a two-month-old baby named Boaz, and in two weeks I will celebrate my FIRST year of being married to my totally awesome husband, Bradley. We live in South Carolina, and I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with lots of kids. My best friend, Krissy, went off to college in Florida to be a marine biologist. I guess I’m majoring in the Domestic Arts here at home. I joined up with this group because our moms’ group at church doesn’t meet during the summer, and Krissy decided to spend the whole summer in Hawaii. I’m hoping to make lots of good friends here!

And Rosalyn, I’m like totally impressed that u can talk so easily about being in family counseling! I read through the archives and found out what happened to u—thinking your husband was having an affair and then the woman turned out to be a Lesbian! And all the problems with your kids! That’s so humiliating! You’re really brave to come back to a big loop like this where everyone knows all that bad stuff about you.

I’m just trying to say don’t feel bad about not liking to cook. Compared to all that other stuff, it’s no big deal. But if you want, I’ll be glad to share some recipes with you that I like. I’ve been getting more into organic cooking, so anytime you want some help, just let me know. Okay?

Oh, I’m so happy to be here. You’re all going to be my best friends forever (BFF). I can just FEEL it!

In the love of Jesus,

Hannah Farrell

Is it my imagination, or did that new chick just like totally dog Rosalyn?

Brenna

Like, she so totally did, Brenna! I like, LIKE her, you know?

Like, how cool is that? She’s so like going to be my new

BFF!

Like totally Dulcie

Come on, guys! She’s only nineteen. Yikes! That’s only seven years older than Tyler! Anyway, I think she was rude. Rosalyn’s been through a lot. We shouldn’t mock her.

Jocelyn

Jocelyn wrote:

< Rosalyn’s been through a lot. We shouldn’t mock her.>

WHAT? Are my eyes seeing correctly? Jocelyn, babe, come back from the Dark Side. Did she slip you some Kool-Aid while we weren’t looking? Did you DRINK IT?

Z

Of course not, I’m not stupid!

But I do feel a bit sorry for Ros. She’s had a hard time of it the last couple of years. We should be kind. However, that new…child does look like she might provide some entertainment. Nineteen! My goodness. And since when is “lesbian” a proper noun? And is there a problem with her fingers that she is unable to type out the word “you”?

Jocelyn