Here’s Looking At You

James only half-phrased this as a joke and all the backs in the room stiffened. Except for Parker’s.

‘The point of the app is that it’s something different to the exhibition itself, something that complements it,’ James said, aiming for an air of finality.

‘I don’t understand why the emphasis is on recreating stuff that isn’t there, to distract people from stuff that is there. It’s as if the artefacts aren’t interesting enough in themselves.’

‘It’s about narrative. People are principally going to be interested in Theodora as a person, right? She’s the focus of the exhibition. Along with Justinian. They’re the story.’ James was matching Anna in vigour now. It was that kind of terse politeness that strained at the leash to romp into full-blown rude.

‘Yes but that’s not to turn the show into a Ye Olde Posh and Becks power couple.’

‘Justinian Bieber,’ Parker said, guffawing. Everyone in the room dead-eyed him.

‘We’re coming at this from different angles but our aims are the same,’ John intervened. ‘Wait until you see it, Anna. The Royal Manuscripts app was really something, I’ll get James to show it to you.’

James nodded. Anna simmered.

‘We’re drawing up some questions on the themes of the exhibition, to help us develop our side in line with your vision for the key messages of the show.’

Key messages! Like it was an ad campaign. Buy Zantium! That’s all these digital gits were, Anna thought. Advertisers, with a big shiny social media sheen pasted over the top. Might as well be flogging chamois leathers as the artefacts of the sixth century. James Fraser did look like Don Draper from Mad Men.

James cleared his throat. ‘We were playing around with a “medieval bling” theme for the digital pre-launch presence …’

‘Bling?’ Anna said, her intonation holding the word between finger and thumb, at arm’s length.

‘Yes …’ James said, but this time had the decency to look embarrassed.

‘You know, bling, like, big rocks, baller ass, fly, dope …’ Parker began.

‘We were thinking it was an accessible way to represent the wealth of the period,’ James cut in, desperately. ‘Obviously we can work on this in tandem with you.’

‘The “whore” angle is strong for grabbing attention, but causes problems with your younger, school age demographic,’ Parker said, in a solemn tone that made it sound as if he was quoting someone else.

School. Anna’s throat tightened.

‘We’ve been throwing ideas around, nothing’s set in stone,’ James said.

‘Not sure about the use of the word “whore” really,’ John the curator said, mildly. ‘It’s a bit of a value judgement about a female.’

‘Yes. It’s not as if you’d ever call a show Genghis Khan: Mongol Warlord, Massive Shagger,’ Anna said.

Parker looked as if he might be about to try to answer a rhetorical question.

‘We want to stress that Theodora was an amazing, ambitious woman. Not some … hooker who got lucky with the right husband,’ Anna continued. ‘It was more burlesque dancing anyway. She was an entertainer …’

This was pushing it. Theodora’s sex life was pretty darn rococo. But Anna wasn’t going to have her beloved heroine casually slut-shamed by a man wearing an Acid House smiley earring, named after a Thunderbird.

‘Oh right. I was going by her Wikipedia page, and there was something on there about a party trick with barley on her … down there, and geese pecking it off? Quite rad,’ Parker said.

James rubbed his eyes in a way that might have been an attempt to put his face in his hands.

‘Oh well, I bow to the knowledge of someone who’s been on Wikipedia,’ Anna said to Parker. The tension in the room reached snapping point.

‘If we could meet up to film a Q and A soon, that’d be helpful,’ James said, stony faced, with a near-sarcastic emphasis on ‘helpful’.

‘Yes I think it’d help, Anna, if you and James touched base over a coffee soon,’ John said, nervously. ‘Make sure we’re all happy with the direction. I have a feeling this is going to turn out to be a very fruitful collaboration.’