Paddington Takes the Test

“Perhaps we should move off now?” said a voice. “We seem to be getting nowhere very fast.”

“Very good.” Taking a firm grip of himself, the examiner settled back in his seat. “Go straight up this road about two hundred metres,” he commanded, “then when you see a sign marked BEAR LEFT …”

“A bear’s been left?” Paddington suddenly sat bolt upright. He wasn’t at all sure what was going on and he’d been trying to decide whether to obey his next set of instructions or wait for Mr Brown to arrive back. The latest piece of information caused him to make up his mind very quickly indeed.

“I’m afraid I shall have to stand up to drive,” he announced, as he clambered to his feet. “I can’t see out properly if I’m sitting down, but I’ll get there as quickly as I can.”

“Now, look here,” cried the examiner, a note of panic in his voice. “I didn’t mean there was a real bear lying in the road. I only meant you’re supposed to…” He broke off and stared at Paddington with disbelieving eyes. “What are you doing now?” he gasped, as Paddington bent down and disappeared beneath the dashboard.

“I’m putting the car into gear,” gasped Paddington, as he took hold of the lever firmly with both paws. “I’m afraid it’s a bit difficult with paws.”

“But you can’t change gear with your head under the dashboard,” shrieked the examiner. “No one does that.”

“Bears do,” said Paddington firmly. And he gave the lever another hard tug just to show what he meant.

“Don’t do it!” shouted the examiner. “Don’t do it!”

“Let the clutch out!” came a voice from the back seat. “Let the clutch out!”

But if either of the men expected their cries to have any effect they were doomed to disappointment. Once Paddington got an idea firmly fixed in his mind it was very difficult to get him to change course, let alone gear, and apart from hurriedly opening the car door to let out the clutch he concentrated all his energies on the task in hand.

In the past he had often watched Mr Brown change gear. It was something Mr Brown prided himself on being able to do very smoothly indeed, so that really it was quite hard to know when it had actually taken place. But if Paddington hoped to emulate his example he failed miserably. As he gave the lever one final, desperate shove there was a loud grinding noise followed almost immediately by an enormous jerk as the car leaped into the air like a frustrated stallion. The force of the movement caused Paddington to fall over on his back and, in his excitement, he grabbed hold of the nearest thing to hand.

“Look out!” shrieked the examiner.

But he was too late. As Paddington tightened his grip on the accelerator pedal the car shot forward with a roar like an express train. For a second or two it seemed to hover in midair, and then, with a crash which made the silence that followed all the more ominous, it came to a halt again.

Paddington clambered unsteadily to his feet and peered out through the windscreen. “Oh dear,” he said, gazing round at the others. “I think we’ve hit a car in front.”

The examiner closed his eyes. His lips were moving as if he was offering up a silent prayer.

“No,” he said, slowly and distinctly. “You haven’t got it quite right. We haven’t hit anything, you have. And it isn’t just a car, it’s …”

The examiner broke off and gazed up at the driving mirror in mute despair as his eyes caught the reflection of those belonging to his superior in the back seat.

“It happens to be mine,” said a grim voice from behind.

Paddington sank back into his seat as the full horror of the situation came home to him.

“Oh dear, Mr Bogey,” he said unhappily. “I do hope that doesn’t mean you’ve failed your test!”

As with Mr Brown’s encounter with the Police, Paddington’s disaster at the Test Centre was a topic of conversation in the Brown household for many days afterwards. Opinions as to the possible outcome were sharply divided. There were those who thought he would be bound to hear something more, and others who thought the whole thing was so complicated nothing would be done about it, but none of them quite foresaw what would happen.

One evening, just as they were sitting down to their evening meal, there was an unexpected ring at the front-door bell. Mrs Bird hurried off to answer it, and when she returned she was accompanied, to everyone’s surprise, by Paddington’s examiner.

“Please don’t get up,” he exclaimed, as Paddington jumped to his feet in alarm and hurried round to the far side of the table for safety.

He removed a large brown envelope from his briefcase and placed it on the table in front of Paddington’s plate. “I … er … I happened to be passing so I thought I would drop this in for young Mr Brown.”

“Oh dear,” said Mrs Brown nervously. “It looks very official. I do hope it isn’t bad news.”

The man permitted himself a smile. “Nothing like that,” he said. “Congratulations on passing your test,” he continued, turning to Mr Brown. “I was glad to hear you were able to take it again so quickly. All’s well that ends well, and I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that now my superior officer has had his bumper straightened you’d hardly know anything had happened.”

He mopped his brow with a handkerchief as the memory of it came flooding back. “It all sounded much worse than it actually was. As you know, I was being examined myself at the time, so I was under a certain amount of strain. As a matter of fact, I came through with flying colours. The chief examiner thought that in the circumstances I did extremely well. He’s even recommended me for promotion.”

“But whatever is it?” cried Judy, as Paddington opened the envelope and withdrew a sheet of paper with an inscription on it.

The examiner gave a cough. “It’s a special test certificate,” he said. “It enables the owner to drive vehicles in group S.”

“Trust Paddington!” said Jonathan. “I bet he’s the only one who’s ever driven into the back of an examiner’s car and still passed his test into the bargain.”

Mr Brown gave the examiner a puzzled look. “Group S?” he repeated. “I didn’t know there was such a thing.”

“It’s very rare.” The examiner permitted himself another smile. “In fact there probably isn’t another one like it in the whole world. It’s for shopping baskets on wheels. I noticed young Mr Brown had one with him at the time of our … er … meeting.”

“Gosh, Paddington,” Judy gazed at him in relief. “What are you going to do with it?”

Paddington considered the matter for a moment. He really felt quite overwhelmed by his latest piece of good fortune. “I think,” he announced at last, “I shall fix it to the front of my basket. Then if I ever have trouble at the supermarket cash desk I shall be able to show it.”

“What a good idea,” said the examiner, looking very pleased at the reception his gift had met. “And you’ll be pleased to see it’s made out for life. That means,” he added, gently but firmly, “that you need never, ever, ever, come and see us to take your test again!”

Chapter Two IN AND OUT OF TROUBLE (#u699feadc-bd34-57ca-a4d3-9dbdfbc3f74e)

One morning, soon after the visit from the driving examiner, Paddington was pottering about in the garden doing some testing of his own in order to make sure Mr Brown’s fruit was properly ripe, when he happened to glance through a knothole in the nearby fence. As he did so he nearly fell over backwards into the raspberry canes with astonishment at the sight which met his eyes.

The fence belonged to the Browns’ neighbour, Mr Curry, and in the normal course of events there was seldom anything of any great interest to see. Gardening wasn’t one of Mr Curry’s strong points. Apart from one or two shrubs and a couple of old trees, most of the ground was given over to what he called ‘the lawn’, but which in reality was nothing more than a patch of rough grass.

For once, however, it was looking unusually neat and tidy. In fact, overnight it had undergone nothing less than a transformation. The grass had been newly mown, the bushes pruned, and the trees had been lopped of their lower branches. There was even a small table in the centre of the lawn on which had been placed a tray with a glass and a jug of what looked like orangeade.

Paddington rubbed his eyes and then took a closer look through the hole. Now that he thought about it, he remembered hearing the sound of sawing the day before. At the time he hadn’t taken much notice of it, and never in his wildest dreams had he pictured it coming from Mr Curry’s garden.

The Browns’ neighbour had obviously been busy, but it wasn’t the view of his actual garden, nor the orangeade that caused Paddington’s astonishment; it was the sight of something very odd suspended between the two trees. At first glance it seemed to be a cross between a very large hairnet that had been hung out to dry, and some overgrown knitting that had gone sadly wrong; in fact he couldn’t remember having seen anything quite like it before in the whole of his life.

It was all very strange and Paddington was about to go indoors in order to tell Mrs Bird about it when he had his second shock of the morning.

Having rubbed his eyes once more so as to make doubly sure he wasn’t dreaming the whole thing, he opened them again in order to take one last look, only to find to his surprise that the scene had disappeared. Something or other was now covering up the knothole.

Paddington was not the sort of bear to be beaten by such trifles. After finding a suitable cane from among the pile in the raspberry patch, he bent down again and poked it through the hole as hard as he could in order to remove the offending object. A second later the cane fell from his paw like a red-hot poker as a yell of pain rang round the garden.

“Bear!” roared a familiar voice. “Is that you, bear? How dare you!”

Paddington scrambled to his feet and gazed mournfully at the sight of the Browns’ neighbour as he bobbed up and down on one leg on the other side of the fence.

“That was my shin you poked, bear!” howled Mr Curry. “What were you doing? Spying on me? Mark my words … I shall report you for this!”

“Oh no, Mr Curry,” gasped Paddington. “I wasn’t spying. I wouldn’t do that. I was only trying to see what was going on. There’s something hanging from your trees and I wondered if you knew about it.”

“What’s that, bear?” Mr Curry hopped closer to the fence and gave a snort as he peered over the top. “Of course I know about it. I put it there. There’s no need to go around telling everyone.”