Extra Time

She pulled away slightly, looking into his eyes, stroking his face with her fingertips. ‘I love you, so much, Jim. And I guess marrying you, finally being with you, the way I always wanted to be, I guess it’s suddenly made me want all those things I… all those things I thought I didn’t want. When all the time it was… it was just that I couldn’t have them with you. I didn’t want them if I couldn’t have you. And to have them with anyone else, it wouldn’t have felt right, none of it felt right. But it feels right now. Now I can’t stop thinking about all those things and… I can’t stop thinking about us, about how right that feels.’

Jim took her hand in his and squeezed it gently, leaning forward to kiss her. She tasted so good, her lips so soft against his, her mouth opening in response to him as he kissed her harder, pulling her against him.

He loved her like he’d never loved anyone before – to the point of obsession sometimes. But it was an obsession he could handle, because he knew how she felt about him. And for her to want this, for her to want a baby – his baby – it spoke volumes. And maybe he wanted that, too. Maybe he wanted that family, that security. Something to soften the blow when she found out the truth about him? About what he’d been hiding from her? From everyone? He didn’t want to think about that right now. Although the longer he kept putting it off, the worse the situation was going to become, he knew that. But she’d kind of put paid to any likelihood that he was going to tell her anything today. Now really wasn’t the time. ‘You want a baby? Really?’

She smiled at him, resting her forehead against his. ‘I know this sounds crazy, Jim. I know it sounds as though it’s come completely out of the blue, but… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. For weeks now it’s been on my mind and… and since coming off the Pill I…’

He shut her up with another kiss, a slower kiss, a longer kiss, because he needed time to think about this. He didn’t want to lose her, not now, not ever, not after everything it had taken to win her back. But was this really what he wanted? What he needed? Was it really the right way to be going? Under the circumstances? Circumstances she was completely unaware of. But it couldn’t stay that way. It wasn’t going to stay that way, that was out of his hands now. And he didn’t have long before it was all going to come out, regardless of whether he’d found the time to tell her or not. And it really would be better off coming from him.

‘Look, Amber, honey, you’ve just got this brand new job and … How’s it going to look if you suddenly need time off to…?’

She cut him off mid-sentence with one of her trademark withering looks, and Jim couldn’t help but smile. That’s what he loved about Amber. His beautiful wife, the woman who could cut you down with a stare or shut you up with one smart remark. ‘You’re really going down the sexist route, Jim? Hmm? Is that where you’re going?’

He was still smiling, he couldn’t help it as he backed away from her with his hands held up in mock surrender. ‘Amber, baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But this is so crazy, sweetheart, you have to see that. The Amber I knew, she didn’t want to be a mom. She didn’t want any of that, and I’m just finding it strange…’

‘And you think I’m not? You… you think this is something I’m handling okay, do you? This fucking weird and sudden alien need inside me to…’ She looked at him, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘I don’t have a lot of time left, Jim. I don’t have time to sit and think about this, to weigh up every pro and con a million times over until I’m 100 per cent certain that this is what I really, truly want. I don’t have that luxury. I’ve got to make that decision soon – we’ve got to make that decision soon. Before it’s too late. Because…’ She stopped talking, looking away for a second.

He walked back over to her, tilting her chin up so she was looking straight at him. ‘Because, what?’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she sighed, letting him pull her closer.

‘You really want this, huh? Me and you, making babies?’

‘Only you could make that sound like the most erotic thing in the world.’ She smiled, her breathing suddenly starting to speed up for some reason.

‘And, isn’t it?’ he whispered, his mouth almost touching hers now. ‘I mean, surely, the act of making babies is one of the most erotic things in the world.’

She felt her stomach flip over what felt like a thousand times as the warmth of his body engulfed hers, the heat between them palpable. ‘I don’t know,’ she said quietly, quite surprised that she could actually string a sentence together right now.

‘Do you want to see just how erotic it can be?’ He smiled, his mouth still not quite touching hers as he spoke, but almost. Maybe this was the right way to go. Yeah, he was definitely coming round to the idea. After all, giving Amber a baby might mean she was distracted from anything else that was going on, and that, as far as Jim was concerned, wouldn’t be a bad thing. He loved her beyond words, he loved her more than he could ever explain, and that’s why he needed to protect her. He needed to do that. And anyway, why wouldn’t he want a baby with the most beautiful woman he’d ever set eyes on? Why wouldn’t he want to make her happy? Anything she wanted – if he could give it to her, then he would. He would do that in a heartbeat.

She could feel his breath on her face, his hand stroking the small of her back, pulling at her dress, and already her heart was beating out of her chest, hammering hard inside her. This was crazy! What had started out as a sensible conversation about starting a family had suddenly turned into a sex-fuelled encounter that was only ever going to end one way.

She closed her eyes as she felt his hand slide her dress up over her legs and she couldn’t help but take an almost involuntary sharp intake of breath as his fingers began stroking her inner thigh. Already she could feel that familiar tingle between her legs, and a part of her just wanted him to take her there and then, to do it quickly, because she was finding it hard to control herself. Her skin was breaking out in tiny goose bumps, her head was starting to spin, her legs growing weaker by the second as his mouth finally covered hers in the lightest, most beautiful of kisses.

Oh God, she wasn’t sure how much more she could take of this. She wanted to strip off her own underwear and just make him take her now, right now, because she was physically aching for him. Were these intense, crazy feelings she had for this man ever going to fade? Yeah, of course they were. In time. Which is why she should be making the most of them while she was still feeling this way, feeling this excited, this turned on. Because nobody knew how long it was all going to last.

‘You sure this is the way you want it to go?’ he whispered, his hand on her cheek, his mouth still close to hers as he spoke. ‘No protection. No barriers. Nothing to stop it from happening. You’re really sure this is what you want?’

She looked into his eyes, searching his face, wanting, needing to know that he was serious, that he felt the same way about this as she did. ‘Are you?’

He kissed her gently, his thumb lightly stroking her cheek, his other hand still stroking her inner thigh, which, in turn – combined with his kiss – was making her breathing quite unsteady.

‘Oh, I think we’d make a rather good mommy and daddy, don’t you?’

Just the way he’d said that, in that wonderful accent of his, his voice dirty and deep, he’d made it sound like the sexiest thing she’d ever heard.

‘Yes,’ she breathed. It was all she could manage to get out before his fingers slid underneath the thin material of her panties, touching the sudden wetness, making her gasp out loud. She threw her head back as his lips brushed over the base of her neck, his fingers still probing, touching her, burying themselves in her, and it was all she could do to stop the loudest cry of pleasure from escaping. She could feel it all building up inside her, amassing itself into one huge ball of ecstasy, just waiting for its chance to be set free.

‘Jim…’ she groaned, gripping the counter top behind her, opening her legs wider to give him easier access.

‘It’s okay, honey. It’s okay,’ he said quietly, pushing her dress farther up over her thighs, sinking to his haunches as he slowly and carefully peeled her panties down her legs in an action that Amber thought might make her come there and then. She stepped out of them, the freedom she now felt turning her on to the point of no return – almost. ‘You are so beautiful,’ Jim whispered, letting his hands run back up the length of her legs as he stood up, finally resting them on her hips. ‘So beautiful…’

Their eyes locked together, and for a second Amber thought her heart had literally stopped. It was almost that same feeling she’d experienced the very first time she’d set eyes on him, when he’d walked into her mum and dad’s house all those years ago as a twenty-seven-year-old professional footballer, and she’d been a fifteen-year-old teenager in the middle of planning her sixteenth birthday party. But the effect him walking into their living room that day had had on her had been life-changing. Literally. Just as this could be now, what they were about to do here.

He gently pushed her back against the counter, her dress now up around her waist, and she closed her eyes as his lips once more brushed the base of her neck, his hands resting on her hips, keeping her steady as he carefully pushed into her.

Throwing her head back, Amber groaned out loud as he pushed hard, rocking her back against the counter, and she buried her fingers in his hair as his mouth finally met hers. The feel of his body inside her, his mouth kissing her slowly and sensually as he held onto her hips, keeping her steady, it was all so overwhelming, still so hard to get used to at times; him being there, the fact they were married. Sometimes she’d wake up in the morning and for those first few seconds she’d forget that he was her husband, that he was right there beside her. Sometimes she’d forget that he really was hers.

‘Are you still sure, honey?’ he whispered, his mouth resting on hers as he spoke. ‘Because I’m so close to coming, baby, and if you want I can just…’ She shook her head, silencing him with a kiss, and he smiled, gently stroking a stray strand of hair from her eyes. ‘I love you, Amber.’

‘I love you, too,’ she said quietly, slowly closing her eyes as he kissed her long and deep, pulling away only when she felt his body tense up, signalling his impending release, and she too prepared herself for one of her own as those familiar tingles started creeping across her body. ‘Jim…’ she moaned quietly as he buried his head in her shoulder, his body shaking and shuddering in her arms as she felt him explode, spilling out into her, and she luxuriated in the warmth that feeling created. It was as if he was filling up every inch of her, taking her over, and she didn’t want to open her eyes because she felt that if she did, then this would all just be some kind of dream. Over too soon.

‘Jesus, Amber…’ Jim groaned, his hands still on her hips as his own movements slowed down, his own journey coming to an end. But she had yet to reach that summit, and he knew that, reaching down to gently touch her as he slowly withdrew. ‘You feel so good…’

She gripped the countertop behind her tighter as his fingers stroked her so carefully, touching her right where she needed to be touched and with just the right amount of pressure. The feel of his hand was enough to start the beginning of the end, to send those tingles spreading through her at a rapid rate, taking her over until she could hold out no longer. His fingers speeded up their action, pressing against her, his lips covering her neck in quick, feather-light kisses as she came in a crashing climax of cries and moans, pushing down against his hand, the feel of him there heightening every last, tiny sensation. And then it was over, done. Time for reality to make itself known again. Just like that.

‘Two seconds.’ Jim smiled, finally pulling away from her. She watched as he left the kitchen, trying hard to catch her breath. She felt drained, but also invigorated, and slightly confused. What had they just done? Had she really just told him she wanted to start a family? Had she really said all that out loud? Just like that? When she knew, deep down inside, that it wasn’t going to be quite as simple as she made it out to be. But, yeah, they really had just gone through with it. They’d taken that first step. But the journey wasn’t going to be an easy one.

She bent down and retrieved her panties, pulling them on and repositioning her dress, shaking her hair out as she tried to compose herself. Spontaneous sex wasn’t exactly an unusual occurrence, considering they were still very much in the ‘honeymoon’ period of their marriage, but what had just happened there had sobered her up; to the point where she felt a little disorientated. What the hell was wrong with her today?

‘You okay?’

She swung round at the sound of his voice. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘You sure?’ he asked, frowning slightly as he walked over to her, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him. ‘Because you look as though you’ve still got something on your mind. Is there anything else you want to talk about?’

She smiled, running her hands up and down his strong arms, the soft material of his shirt smooth beneath her fingers. ‘I’m sorry, Jim, if this all feels a bit surreal, my sudden need to have a baby, but…’ She looked into his eyes. Her heart still skipped that proverbial beat when she did that, and she never wanted that feeling to go away, ever. She wanted to cling onto it for as long as she could. ‘I really have been thinking about it, seriously, for a while now.’

‘So why didn’t you talk to me? Did you think I wouldn’t listen? That it was something I wouldn’t want?’

‘Well, to be fair, Jim, the look on your face when I mentioned it just now wasn’t that of a man who was expecting those words to come out of my mouth.’

‘No, I suppose it wasn’t. But only because you never seemed to be the type of woman who…’

She shut him up with a kiss, standing on tiptoe, holding onto his upper arms to steady herself as her lips touched his, ever-so-lightly.

‘The type of woman who, what?’ she asked, a slight smirk appearing on her face. ‘Who never showed any maternal inclinations whatsoever? Then you really don’t know me at all, Jim. My mum was the best mum a girl could have asked for. She was funny and smart and beautiful…’

‘Just like her daughter.’

She stopped talking and looked at him, cocking her head.

‘I knew your mom, Amber. Remember? I knew what an amazing woman she was.’

She said nothing for a few seconds as she let memories of her late Spanish mother fill her head, her heart aching all over again with a loss that still hurt. Because there were times when she really needed her mum. And now was certainly one of those times.

‘What I’m trying to say is that I always wanted to be like her. She was so beautiful, so kind and funny and strong, she was so strong. Right to the end she kept on fighting, until there was nothing more anyone could do. She didn’t give up until she had to. She had this… this aura about her, you know? She would walk into a room and it would just light up. I loved her so much, Jim. So much. We were so close, never a day went by when I didn’t speak to her. And she was so supportive, always there for me no matter what. She was my rock. My best friend, and when she died… I miss her so much, all the time, that never goes away. Ever. And I… I always wanted to be the kind of mum to a child of my own that she was to me, and just because I didn’t go round shouting about the fact I would love a baby one day…’ She broke off, walking over to the window, folding her arms as she looked outside, the late-summer sunshine making their large, walled garden look gloriously pretty with its multitude of coloured flowers and fruit trees. ‘Deep down inside, I’m scared I’ll never get the chance.’