The Secretary's Secret

She looked about two seconds from passing out cold, so he walked over to where she stood and pulled her into his arms. She collapsed against him, her entire body trembling.

She rested her forehead on his chest, wrapped her arms around him, and he buried his nose in her hair. She smelled spicy and sweet, like cinnamon and apples. He realized, he’d missed this. Since that night in the hotel, he’d been itching to get his arms around her again.

He’d almost forgotten just how good it felt to be close to her, how perfectly she fit in his arms. Something had definitely changed between them that night in the hotel. Something that he doubted would ever change back.

For a while they only held each other, until she’d stopped shaking and she wasn’t breathing so hard. Until she had gone from cold and rigid to warm and relaxed in his arms.

He cupped her chin and tilted her face up. “It’s going to be okay.”

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

“Well, I guess we’re going to have a baby,” he said, and felt the corners of his mouth begin to tip up.

Zoë gaped at him, her look going from bewilderment to abject horror. She broke from his grasp and took a step back. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“You’re smiling. You’re happy about this.”

Was he?

The smile spread to encompass his entire face. He tried to stop it, then realized it was impossible. He really was happy. For five years now he’d felt it was time to settle down and start a family. True, this wasn’t exactly how he planned it, and he sure as hell hadn’t planned on doing it with Zoë, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t work. That didn’t mean they shouldn’t at least give it a shot.

He gave her a shrug. “Yeah, I guess I am. Would you feel better if I was angry?”

“Of course not. But do you have even the slightest clue what we’re getting into? What I’ll have to go through?”

She made it sound as though he was making her remove an appendage. “You’re having a baby, Zoë. It’s not as if it’s never been done before.”

“Of course it has, but have you ever actually witnessed a baby being born?”

No, but he definitely wanted to be in the delivery room. He wouldn’t miss that for anything. “I’m sure it will be fascinating.”

“Fascinating? I was there when my mom had Jonah, my youngest brother.”

“And?”

“Have you ever seen the movie, The Thing?” she asked, and he nodded. “You remember the scene where the alien bursts out of the guy and there is this huge spray of blood and guts? Well, it’s kinda’ like that. Only it goes on for hours. And hurts twice as much.

“And that’s only the beginning,” she went on, in full rant. “After it’s born there are sleepless nights to look forward to and endless dirty diapers. Never having a second to yourself…a moment’s silence. They cry and whine and demand and smother. Not to mention that they cost a fortune. Then they get older and there’s school and homework and rebellion. It never ends. They’re yours to worry about and pull your hair out over until the day you die.”

Wow. He knew she was jaded by her past, but he’d never expected her to be this traumatized.

“Zoë, you were just a kid when you had to take care of your brothers and sisters. It wasn’t fair for your parents to burden you with that much responsibility.” He rubbed a hand down her arm, trying to get her to relax and see things rationally. “Right now you’re still in shock. I know that when you take some time to digest it, you’ll be happy.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for it.”

A startling, disturbing thought occurred to him. What if she didn’t want to have the baby? What if she was thinking about terminating the pregnancy? It was her body so, of course, the choice was up to her, but he’d do whatever he could to talk her out of it, to rationalize with her.

“Are you saying you don’t want to have the baby?” he asked.

She looked up at him, confused. “It’s not like I have a choice.”

“Every woman has a choice, Zoë.”

She gave him another one of those horrified looks and folded a hand protectively over her stomach. He didn’t think she even realized she was doing it. “I’m not going to get rid of it if that’s what you mean. What kind of person do you think I am?”

Thankfully, not that kind. “I’ve never considered raising a baby on my own, but I will if that’s what you want.”

“Of course that’s not what I want! I could never give a baby up. Once you have it, it’s yours. My brothers and sisters may have driven me crazy but I love them to death. I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.”

He rubbed a hand across the stubble on his jaw. “You’re confusing the hell out of me.”

“I’m keeping the baby,” she said firmly. “I’m just…I guess I’m still in shock. This was not a part of my master plan. And you’re the last man on earth I saw myself doing it with. No offense.”

“None taken.” How could he be offended when he’d been thinking the same thing earlier. Although maybe not the last on earth part.

She walked over to the couch and crumpled onto the cushions. “My parents are going to kill me. They think I’m still a good Catholic girl. A twenty-eight-year-old, snow-white virgin who goes to church twice a week. What am I going to tell them?”

Nick sat down beside her. He slipped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him, soft and warm.

Yeah, this was nice. It felt…right.

And just like that he knew exactly what he needed to do.

“I guess you only have one choice,” he said.

“Live the rest of my life in shame?”

Her pessimism made him grin. “No. I think you should marry me.”

Zoë pulled out of Nick’s arms and stared up at him. “Marry you? Are you crazy?”

Dumb question, Zoë. Of course he was crazy.

Rather than being angry with her, he smiled, as if he’d been expecting her to question his sanity. “What’s so crazy about it?”

If he couldn’t figure that out himself, he really was nuts.

“If we get married right away, your parents don’t have to know you were already pregnant. Problem solved.”

And he thought marrying someone he didn’t love wouldn’t be a problem? Not that kind of love anyway. She didn’t doubt that he loved her as a friend, and she him, but that wasn’t enough.

“We’re both feeling emotional and confused,” she said. He more than her, obviously. “Maybe we should take a day or two to process this before we make any kind of life altering decisions.”

“We’re having a baby together, Zoë. You don’t get much more life altering than that.”

“My point exactly. We have a lot to consider.”