Peach Blossom Pavilion

‘You think I’ve never thought of that?’ She sighed, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe my tears. Her voice came out soft and low. ‘Sorry that I hit you, Xiang Xiang. But do you have any idea what kind of a life it is to be a nun? It’s fine with me since my prime has passed and now I’m but a worthless old woman. But you’re young and beautiful and have a bright future waiting before you, so I won’t let you squander it in a nunnery. Besides,’ she sighed again, ‘one of the novice nuns told me that the Mother Abbess said …’ She stopped in midsentence.

‘Said what?’

‘That you’re too beautiful to be a nun, and she fears your beauty will bring bad luck to her temple.’

Usually my heart would leap to heaven when people said that I was pretty, but now it sank to the bottom of the sea. ‘How do they know that I’m pretty?’

‘I told them, because I’m so proud of you.’ Mother patted my head. ‘Xiang Xiang, I know a servant girl’s life isn’t easy. But it’s only temporary. We’ll find a way out sooner or later. Now listen to me. After you’ve seen me off, go right back to your master. And don’t forget it’s very important that you obey him and his wives, and try your best to get along with everyone, otherwise you won’t have a roof to live under nor even thin rice gruel to warm your stomach. Remember, not only that you must put up with any hardship, you have to endure it with a smile, so no one will see a trace of bitterness.’ She paused to search my face. ‘Xiang Xiang, instead of complaining, you should thank heaven for all this, you understand?’

I nodded, licking and tasting the salt of my tears. ‘Ma, when will we see each other again?’

‘Not for a while, but we will.’ Mother squeezed out a smile. ‘We can always write to each other. Or maybe I can even try to come back here to see you.’ She paused, ‘There are many temples on the western side of the Taiyi Mountain south-west of Peking. I think I’ll settle there, but I’m still not sure in which one. I’ll write you as soon as I arrive.’

She sighed, looking at me with her tear-misted eyes. ‘Hai, Xiang Xiang, I know no matter how decently they treat you in your new house, you’re still a maid after all.’ She considered for a moment, then spoke again thoughtfully, ‘Just remember one thing: We can’t beat fate, but we can play along and make the most out of it. Try to be happy.’ Mother went on, ‘Also, be careful what you tell about yourself in the new house. Don’t say anything about how your baba died. Be cautious.’

I nodded.

Mother gave me a quick hug. ‘Xiang Xiang, I’m afraid our paths must part now. May Guan Yin be with you till we meet again.’

With that, she hurried toward the train, tripped, pulled herself up, then, without turning back, mounted the black monster. With her back to me, she frantically waved her one-way ticket until her familiar slender figure vanished among the crowd.

I stared hard at the tracks that would take her away to the nunnery in Peking but would never bring her back.

3 (#ulink_a3fcd43d-b4bb-58c6-b8b4-7b8a180f0b1e)

The Dark Room (#ulink_a3fcd43d-b4bb-58c6-b8b4-7b8a180f0b1e)

With the ‘Wu! Wu!’ sound of the train still ringing in my ears, I hired a rickshaw to go back to Peach Blossom. When I got off the vehicle and started to walk, I felt both the bitter cold wind and my own tears stinging my cheeks.

To my surprise, as I sneaked up to the main gate, I saw Fang Rong standing there, thrusting forward her fat, wrinkled neck. Once she spotted me, she hollered, ‘Catch this little bitch!’

Immediately, a huge lump of a man appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me. His hold was so tight that his fingers pinched deeply into my flesh. Before I could scream, I felt blows on my head and slaps on my face.

Then Fang Rong’s voice screeched next to my ear like an out-of-tune fiddle. ‘I told you that you can’t go out by yourself! Where have you been?!’

‘To … see my mother off to Peking.’

‘See your mother off? Are you blind? Don’t you see your mama is right here in front of you?’ More slaps on my face, then, ‘To the dark room!’

I was immediately blindfolded, lifted up, and carried away. Although the man walked fast, it still seemed a long time before he dropped me down and removed my blindfold. I was thrown into a dim, airless cubicle, and immediately I knew that people didn’t have to die to go to hell. It was right here on earth.

The stench of the damp, rotten floor pierced my nostrils. Although I could hardly see anything in the dark, I could hear squealing, which made me aware that I was not alone.

I banged on the iron door. ‘Mama, let me out! Please let me out!’

Fang Rong’s voice sneered, ‘Mama? Haven’t you just told me that your mama has already left for Peking?’ A deafening pause, then, ‘Now see whether you dare to run away again!’ followed by a peal of chilling laughter and footsteps marching triumphantly away.

I didn’t know how long I’d been banging on the door before I felt so exhausted that I groped around and slumped on a wobbly cot.

It was then that I noticed the squealing again.

My heart flipped. Was there another person here? Or were there ghosts?

I quickly pulled the filthy blanket over my head. Then I felt something cool and hairy brushing against my hand. I screamed and jumped off the bed.

Rats.

They were everywhere – to keep me company!

I vomited though I hadn’t had food in my stomach for hours. Suddenly a frenzied squealing almost froze my heart – the rats were swarming to vie for my vomit!

Another wave of nausea sloshed in my stomach, but this time nothing came out of my mouth. My throat felt scorched. I wrapped the blanket tightly around myself and tried to forget my fear in sleep, but the coldness of the room made my teeth chatter, freezing me awake. Finally thirst became so unbearable that I got off the bed, stomped my feet to scare away the rats, then slipped off my trousers and tried to pee. Maybe I could ease my thirst by drinking my own …

But nothing came, not even one drop, then suddenly I felt something slimy scurry up my leg.

I screamed. But that didn’t stop the rat from climbing inside my trousers. He was now squirming around my crotch. Cold sweat broke out all over my body. I screamed more. The filthy creature kept bumping until I realised that he must have been as scared as I. Crying hysterically, I snatched off my trousers and flung him off.

Overcome with disgust, I banged my head on the door and hollered, ‘Let me out! Let me out!’ But there was no response except more screeching – this time my own – echoing eerily in the ghostly room. I kept banging and hollering. When nothing happened, I used my whole force to hit my head on the door.

‘Let me die!’ My scream bounced in myriad directions. Suddenly, I felt something damp and sticky flow down from my scalp, then a salty, metallic tang seeped into my mouth …

I peed and lost consciousness.

When I woke up, I found myself still surrounded by filth and darkness, but luckily the squealing was gone – the rats were now probably easing their full bellies by taking a nap. But my stomach was like a drum frantically beating and my throat was scorched as if I’d just swallowed burning coals. I tried to scream but my voice only came out in a whisper.

As I fidgeted on the bed, I felt something strange – slimy and sticky – underneath my backside. I felt around with my hand, then put my fingers below my nose.

‘Blood! Blood!’ I heard my scream bouncing off the walls.

Instinctively I reached for my head, but the blood there had already dried. Again I touched the spot where I’d lain and felt the wet, warm bed. Strange, I didn’t see how I could have hurt my bottom so badly that it bled. As I was brooding, a gradual pain rose in my stomach, followed by a warm surge of fluid oozing from between my thighs. It was then that I realised it was my yin part that had been bleeding.

Panicked, I shot up from the bed, dashed toward the gate, and thrust my fists on the cold iron. ‘Mama! Mama! Please let me out! I’m going to die! I’m dying!’

I didn’t know how long I’d been banging until a state of lethargy and semi-consciousness took over my whole being. And the screeching began again …

I lost count of time. But I thought it must be the second or even the third day when a loud clang of the door jolted me awake. In burst Fang Rong and Wu Qiang. When I tried to shield my face from the blinding harsh light, Fang Rong slapped off my hand.

‘Oh, Mama!’ I was stunned; I couldn’t believe I’d just called her Mama! Was I so desperate to have a mother’s comfort?

I suddenly realised that instead of comforting me like my mother, she might hit me. Again I swung up my hand to shield my face.

But to my utter surprise, Fang Rong squeezed a big grin and cooed, ‘Ah, my dear daughter, how you’ve suffered!’ She laid her damp, fleshy palm on my forehead. ‘Thank heaven you don’t have a fever.’ Then, ‘Are you hungry?’

I nodded my head like a pounding jackhammer.

‘Now do you want to go back to the pavilion and have something to eat?’

Again I nodded until I felt my head almost dislodge from my neck.