Not Without Thorns

“I won’t answer silly questions, Floss,” replied her aunt, her face flushing, nevertheless.

“’Tisn’t silly,” said Floss, indignantly. “Big people said it. Mamma said you had failed off tewibly, and Uncle Beachey looked cross and said it was your own fault. I don’t think Uncle Beachey is nice at all. He spoke so cwoss. I thought falling off meant tumbling and hurting yourself, but it doesn’t. It’s something about being pwetty and ugly. And mamma said she wished she hadn’t interfered once, and then somebody else who wouldn’t have failed off would have been here. Does it mean about widing? Everybody says Aunty Woma looks pwetty widing, and I know mamma meant her.”

So far, in a sort of stupor of bewildered amazement, Eugenia had listened in silence to the child’s curiously jumbled revelation. Suddenly she recollected herself.

“Floss,” she said, sternly, “you must not repeat what you were not meant to hear, and I will not listen to you.”

“It wasn’t not meant for me not to hear. I was just playing with my new doll. I never listened behind the curtains. I never did,” said Floss, “not since the day I cut the worm up, and Uncle Beachey scolded me. The day Aunty Woma said she’d go away, and Uncle Beachey was angwy. And I never told that mamma scolded Aunty Woma till she cwied. Aunty Woma didn’t go away, but Uncle Beachey did, and when he comed back he bwought you, Aunty ’Genia, and I wish you wouldn’t look so gwave. Please don’t be angwy with me.” There was an “et tu, Brute,” inflection in the child’s tone which, through all her tumultuous feelings, touched Eugenia. She stooped to kiss Floss, promising her not to be angry if she would never again talk about what she heard big people say. Then she sent her away to her dolls, and sat by herself trying to think over what she had heard, calmly; trying to persuade herself the inference to be drawn from Floss’s garbled communication was not what her first instinct had told her it was; trying to believe it could not be true that her husband had never really cared for her – that he had married her merely in a fit of mortified vanity, “out of pique.”

Beauchamp was away that day. He had left home on a two days’ visit in the neighbourhood, in which, greatly to her disgust, Mrs Eyrecourt had not been invited to accompany him. Had he been at home, doubtless Eugenia, in her first impetuous excitement, would have rushed to him for confirmation or refutation of what her morbid imagination had already worked up into a plausible history of deception and concealment on his part – of cruel advantage taken of her inexperience and confiding trust – an explanation, she told herself, of his having so quickly grown weary of her, to which it now seemed to her innumerable, little-considered trifles pointed as the true one.

“Not that I blame him for loving Roma,” she thought. “Oh no – not that. But he knew I was giving him my all, and he took it, sought it, knowing he had nothing to give me in return. Ah, it was cruel!”

She pressed her hands to her throbbing temples and burning eyes. It was too late in the day for any relief by tears; she felt as if she could never cry again. For a long time she sat there motionless. Then a sudden thought struck her. “I will hear the whole truth,” she said, with a sudden fierce determination. “I will make his sister tell it all. There is nothing dishonourable in forcing her to tell me what he has wilfully concealed, if, as the child says, they talk together of the past, and wish now – now that I am his wife, the mother of his child,” (this thought, alas! bringing no softening influence with it) “that it could be undone. Yes, I will make her tell it all, and she shall see what she has done – ruined two lives, if not three.”

But through her tremendous excitement she remembered one trifling consideration. She would not betray poor baby Floss. Mrs Eyrecourt should never know how she had learnt the truth.

Volume Three – Chapter Six.

Friends in Need

Did I speak once angrily…
…You woman I loved so well,
Who married the other?

    R. Browning.
The days were almost at their longest, but it was late enough to be nearly dark one evening, when a fly rattled along the street in Wareborough where the Thurstons lived, and drew up at the curate’s door. Frank was out: he had been sent for by a dying parishioner, and had warned his wife he might be detained till late – she had better not sit up for him. Sydney had just made up her mind to act upon this injunction, and was gathering her feminine odds-and-ends about her, previous to going to bed, when the unexpected sound of an arrival startled her in the midst of her housewifely “redding up.”

She was standing in the middle of her pretty little drawing-room, her work-basket in one hand, the book she had been reading in the other, the lamplight falling softly on her fair, quiet face and deep mourning dress – a peaceful, home-like picture, it seemed to the stranger, who suddenly came in upon the scene. A tall, black figure, with veiled face and shrouding drapery, stood in the doorway. Sydney was not hysterical, so she did not scream, but for a moment or two her heart beat fast, and her breathing seemed short and irregular. Who could it be?

“Sydney,” said the veiled woman, “don’t be startled, dear. It is only I.”

“Eugenia!” exclaimed the sister, scarcely less startled than before. “Can it be you, Eugenia? Oh, what is wrong? What is the matter?”

Before answering, the new-comer turned to the door, said a word to the servant waiting just outside – a word of directions as to paying the driver, for which purpose she handed her purse to Sydney’s mystified handmaiden – then, re-entering the room, she carefully closed the door.

“Can you take me in for a night, Sydney?” she asked. “You see, I have made sure of your doing so. I had nowhere else to go to.” She sat down, as she spoke, on the nearest chair: her attitude told of extreme dejection, her voice sounded faint and weary.

“Take you in, dearest? Of course we can, and with the greatest pleasure,” said Sydney, warmly. “Only – only – I fear – is there something wrong?”

“Yes,” replied Eugenia. “At least, I suppose you will call it something wrong. It is just that I have left him – left my husband – for ever.”

“Oh, Eugenia, oh, dearest sister, do not say so. It is too dreadful to be true. It cannot be so bad as that,” exclaimed Sydney, in horrified amazement. “Surely, dear, you don’t mean what you say – you cannot!”

“I do, though,” said Eugenia. “I left Halswood secretly this afternoon, and I never shall return there. It is done now; there is no turning back.”

“And why?” asked Sydney, striving to speak calmly, half inclined to think her sister’s brain was affected, yet, on the other hand, shrinking from the thought of what miserable story she might not be going to hear of terrible delinquency on Captain Chancellor’s part which had driven his outraged wife to this fatally decisive step. “I don’t like to ask you, Eugenia,” she went on, “but I suppose I must.”

“I will tell you all. I have been longing to do so,” returned Eugenia. “But, if you don’t mind, I should like to go upstairs and go to bed. I am so tired. Then I will tell you everything. May I have a cup of tea or a glass of wine? I have eaten nothing since the morning. I am so sorry to trouble you, dear,” as Sydney hastened away in search of the sorely-needed refreshment. “Frank is out, I suppose?”

Half an hour later, somewhat refreshed and revived by Sydney’s care, Eugenia told her story – told Sydney “all,” from the first faint misgiving as to the prospects of her married life – the first shadowy suspicion of her estimate of Beauchamp’s character having been a mistaken and illusory one; down through the long, painful struggle to blind herself to the truth, through the sad history of disunion and disagreement, of ever-increasing alienation, to the discovery of to-day – the discovery that, as she expressed it, “the one thing I clung to through all – the belief in his love for me, in his having loved me at least, was but a dream too – a part of the whole illusion – of the whole terrible mistake. For he never really cared for me, Sydney. When he left Wareborough that Christmas he had no thought of ever seeing me again; he had only been amusing himself. What happened at Nunswell was a mere chance – a mere impulse. He was in a mortified, wounded state from Roma’s rejection, and my evident devotion offered itself opportunely. I dare say he was sorry for me, too – pleasant to think of, is it not? I see it all as plainly as possible; the only thing that puzzles me now is, how I could ever have been so infatuated as to see it differently.”

“And did Mrs Eyrecourt really tell you all this?” inquired Sydney, for Eugenia had made no secret of the sources of her information. “When you taxed her, I mean, with the inferences to be drawn from the little girl’s chatter? I can hardly understand how your sister-in-law dared to say such things. Surely she might have tried to soften the facts!” She spoke indignantly, nevertheless she was conscious of a strong suspicion that her sister’s excited imagination had had to do with the filling in of some of the details which gave colour and consistency to the whole story.

“I made her tell me all,” answered Eugenia. “Not that she wanted to soften it, but at first she was a little frightened. Afterwards I do believe she enjoyed telling me, though all the while affecting to do it so reluctantly. She cannot understand where I learnt what I already knew, and she shall never know. Oh, Sydney, she said hateful things! When I asked her how she could have interfered between her brother and Roma, when I told her that by so doing she had ruined three lives, she said something about my romantic ideas, and hinted that if Beauchamp had known that he was to succeed his cousin, when he met me again at Nunswell, he would never have thrown himself away as he did. But I don’t think I minded that; it seemed too coarse to touch me. Then, at the end, she seemed to get frightened again, and tried to soothe me down. She reminded me that no wife should expect her husband’s full confidence as to the past, and she said that no girl could be so foolish as to imagine that a man like Beauchamp could have lived twenty-eight years in the world without love affairs of some kind. If it had not been Roma, it would have been some one else; I should think myself fortunate I had nothing worse to complain of. I dare say there is a sort of coarse truth in it – the world is a dreadful, miserable place; and, oh, Sydney, I wish I were dead!”

There was nothing for it but to soothe and caress her into temporary calm. She was too utterly worn out to be capable of being reasoned with; it would have been cruel to attempt it. Much as Sydney felt for her – intensely as she pitied her – she could not for a moment deceive herself into thinking that Eugenia had acted well or wisely. It had been a wild impulse that had urged her to this foolish, undignified step – so her best friends would say, and the world would say yet harsher things – yet, oh, poor Eugenia, how well Sydney understood the tumult of her feelings – the peculiar agony to her nature and disposition of the wounds she had received, the bitter anguish of the disappointments she had had to endure! It was with a very sore heart Sydney left her for the night; it was with no small uneasiness she reflected on what she had to tell her husband, and tried to imagine what course he would determine on pursuing. For in certain directions Frank could see but one road; rough and thorny though it might be, he sometimes showed but scant tenderness for those who, he decided, must walk therein. He was a good man – a good and true-hearted man, but of some kinds of trial and temptation he knew as little as his own baby son.

Sydney’s misgivings proved to be not unfounded. Eugenia slept till late the next morning, for the first part of the night sleep had deserted her altogether. It was so late when she woke that Frank had already left the house, Sydney told her.

“He has gone again to that sick man, and there is a meeting of some kind at one, so he will not be back till the afternoon; but he hopes to see you then,” she added.

“And was that the only message he left for me? Could you explain things to him at all – do you think he enters into my feelings?” asked Eugenia, anxiously.

“He was exceedingly surprised, and of course distressed,” answered Sydney, a little evasively. “We talked a great deal. Frank is very anxious about you, and very desirous of advising you for the best. Indeed he is, Eugenia; you must try to believe this, whether you agree with him or not.”

“That means, he blames me, and me alone, for my misery,” exclaimed Eugenia, impetuously. “You need not try to soften it to me, Sydney. Tell me all he said, plainly; though, truly, I think he might have had the manliness to say it to me himself, and not give you the pain of doing so.”

“You are mistaking him, indeed you are, dear Eugenia,” said Sydney, eagerly. “He is far, very far from blaming you only, and he is very sorry for you. All he says is, that this step that you have taken so impulsively is a sadly unwise one, and can do no good; and he says, your husband must be told where you are, immediately.”

“Has he gone, to tell him?” inquired Eugenia, bitterly. “He won’t find him at home. Beauchamp does not return till to-morrow.”

“Of course he has not gone. He would not do anything of the kind without telling you,” answered Sydney, with a little wifely indignation. “What Frank has made up his mind to is this – I was just going on to tell you, – either you or he, he says, must write to your husband to-night, telling him where you are, and asking him to come here to-morrow, or whenever he can, and then things must be talked over.”

“And I shall be taken home again – that is to say, if Beauchamp condescends to forgive me, like a naughty child?”

“Eugenia, don’t,” said Sydney, imploringly. “Frank will tell you what he thinks himself. He hopes indeed to show you that returning home is the only right course, but he does not think of you as you fancy. He is only so very anxious to show you what terrible harm may be done if this goes further, if – if it were to be talked about. For you know you have no real grounds of complaint.”

“I have not been beaten or starved, certainly,” said Eugenia. Then, with a sudden change of tone, “Sydney, I did not think you would have been persuaded to see things so. But suppose I refuse to be guided by Frank’s advice?”

“I won’t suppose it,” said Sydney; “Eugenia, you will think differently after a while. You don’t realise how terrible a thing you propose; you would be the last person to bear philosophically the sort of odium that always attaches itself to a woman in the position that yours would be. I do feel for you intensely; still I cannot but think there was exaggeration in this last trouble – I mean in what Mrs Eyrecourt told you. Things may yet be happier with you. But you must believe that both Frank and I are earnest in our anxiety about you. Of course Frank’s being a clergyman makes him express himself very decidedly, and he may seem hard to you. He has to be so very careful, too, to avoid the least appearance of – of anything that people could say ill-natured things about.” This last was an unfortunate admission. “I quite understand Frank’s feelings,” observed Eugenia. “I shall act with consideration for them.”

Her tone of voice was peculiar. Sydney could not understand it. “Then you will write?” she said, timidly, “or shall Frank?”

“He can do so if he likes,” answered Eugenia. “But there is no mystery about what I have done. I left a note for Beauchamp, and one for Mrs Eyrecourt. I made no attempt to conceal where I was going. I only came away quietly because I did not want any discussion. I should have brought Rachel with me, but she was here already. She came to Wareborough for a holiday last week. I must let her know I am here.”

It all sounded as if Eugenia meant to be reasonable, but Sydney felt far from satisfied. She thought it wiser, however, to say no more at present; not to irritate her sister by attempting to extort any promises. She was rewarded by Eugenia’s increased gentleness of manner. The rest of the morning passed peacefully; Eugenia seemed interested in seeing over Sydney’s house, and of her own accord proposed a visit to the nursery, where it went to her sister’s heart to see how she fondled and caressed her little nephew.

“And she used to hate babies so,” thought Sydney. “I wish Frank could see her now. Poor Eugenia!”

After luncheon Sydney was obliged to go out for an hour. She was distressed at having to leave her sister, but the engagement was one which could not be deferred, and Eugenia assured her she “did not mind being left alone.”

“I shall not be long,” said Sydney; “very likely I shall meet Frank, and we shall come back together.”

Eugenia kissed her as she was setting off, kissed her affectionately, and thanked her “for being so good to her.” So Sydney departed in much better spirits.

She did not meet Frank; her business detained her somewhat longer than she expected, an hour and a half had passed before she found herself at her own door again.

“Is Mrs Chancellor in the drawing-room?” she inquired of the servant, as she went in.