The last time they’d done this she hadn’t seen enough. She’d been too discombobulated, first by his comforting after she’d revealed too much, later by the fact he’d wanted to have sex with her. Also, she’d insisted on darkness, so had only seen his body in shadows. Tonight, she intended to rectify that travesty.
‘If I strip for you, it’s only fair you do the same for me,’ he said, dangling those damn condoms like a carrot in front of a donkey. From what she remembered he had a pretty impressive carrot and with a little luck she’d be ee-awing all night.
‘Take it all off,’ she said, relieved when he didn’t push her for an answer. No way in hell she’d be getting naked in front of him in this much light.
Conquering her body issues had taken time but no matter how hard she worked to appear confident, revealing her body still made her quake inside.
Silly, because this man had never made her feel anything other than gorgeous, but she couldn’t shed all her inhibitions along with her clothes. No matter how many sit-ups or planks she performed in Pilates, no matter how many carbs she sacrificed, she had a body made for comfort.
The way Brock’s gaze burned her up from the inside out, he had a hankering for a whole lot of comfort.
He draped the condoms across her hips like a naughty promise, a foil packet belt designed to taunt. She bucked a little in response and he grinned, tugging his shirt out of his trousers.
At last, they were getting to the good stuff. She scooted up the bed until she felt a pile of pillows behind her, then linked her hands behind her head and eased back, ready to enjoy the show.
The last time they’d done this had been all frantic hands and whispered promises and soft panting in the dark. This time, she intended to make every moment count.
‘You’re making me feel cheap and easy,’ he said, slipping buttons through holes at an infuriatingly slow pace.
‘Don’t forget demeaned and idolised for your body only.’ She let out a long wolf whistle. ‘Come on, Sexy, show me what you’ve got.’
Surprise widened his eyes. ‘I like your new confidence. It’s a major turn-on.’
She pointedly stared at his groin and the sizeable bulge there. ‘Like you needed a reason.’
He chuckled and shrugged out of his shirt, letting it fall to the floor. Jayda loved trading quips with him. They hadn’t had this ease between them six years ago and it was fun to spar as foreplay.
Her gaze roved over his bare chest in blatant appreciation, surprised when she spied a tattoo emblazoned across one side.
‘That’s new,’ she said, staring at the flock of seagulls in flight beneath his left breastbone, intricate and incredibly artistic. She wondered if the unusual tattoo meant something to him.
‘Who would’ve thought, a geek with tats, huh?’
She heard the vulnerability in his lowered voice and quashed the surge of protectiveness. She knew that feeling well, that soul-sapping uncertainty of being judged by appearance. It ate away at confidence and made you second-guess everything. She didn’t let the doubts creep in much these days but when they did, she hammered them into submission quick smart.
‘I love it.’
And she meant it. The contrast between the nerdy, dedicated student she remembered and his sexy counterpart now made her want him all the more.
‘Well, if you love this, wait till you see what else I have for you.’
His crooked grin made her chuckle and her heart leapt in anticipation as he unsnapped the button on his chinos.
‘Don’t tell me you tattooed that.’
He winced and pointed to his chest. ‘This hurt like the devil so that would be a resounding no.’
‘So you were boasting in general, huh?’
One eyebrow quirked in provocation. ‘You’ve seen it. Don’t you think I have a right to boast?’
‘Absolutely,’ she said, nodding so vigorously her neck cramped, enjoying that they’d reverted to sparring when he laughed again.
‘This is... I mean...you and me...’ He waved his hand between them and muttered, ‘Fuck. What I’m trying to say is, is sex usually this playful for you?’
A flush swept into her cheeks. She should lie. It wouldn’t bode well for him to discover he’d been her last six years ago. He’d know that she’d been a tad hung up over that night. Or, worse, think she was some kind of frigid freak.
But Jayda hated lies. Ever since she’d discovered the truth about her father and why he’d misappropriated funds from the charity she’d helped run, she abhorred untruths. If her dad had trusted her she could’ve seen he’d got the help he needed. Instead, her mother had joined him in the cover-up, not telling her anything until she’d discovered their treachery.
She understood the lengths to which her father had gone to deal with his unhappiness, stemming way back from Sasha’s death, but she’d been a teen at the time and she’d dealt with the mind-numbing grief of losing her sister, why couldn’t he as an adult? Why did he have to screw up so badly and affect everybody in the process?
‘Forget it, I shouldn’t have asked.’ He eyeballed her. ‘That look on your face says it all.’
Mortified that she’d let thoughts of her family problems intrude at a time like this, she shook her head. ‘Sorry, I was mulling whether to lie to you or tell the truth, and I’ve decided on the latter.’
She sighed. ‘No, sex isn’t playful for me, because I’ve only ever slept with two guys.’
She didn’t have to wait long for Brock to understand. The guy had topped their graduation class with a quick-fire intelligence that had once annoyed her when she had to study hard for every single grade.
‘You mean...’ Incredulity made him stare at her in wide-eyed shock.
She nodded. ‘Yep. That dickhead Deon who took my virginity on a bet, and you.’
He gaped, a deep groove burrowing between his brows. ‘But that means... I was the last...six years ago...fuck.’
This time he shook his head as if trying to clear it but she didn’t want to give him too much time to assimilate what the information she’d revealed actually meant.
‘I’ve been with other guys since, fooled around a bit, but not everyone gets to see this.’ She swept her hands over her body with a flourish. ‘This is too good to reveal to just anybody.’
Her exaggerated self-deprecation cleared his frown as she intended but he hadn’t lost the shell-shocked expression. He wanted to ask more, she could see it in his expressive eyes, so she did the one thing guaranteed to distract him.
Pushing into a sitting position, she grabbed the condoms from across her hip and tore off the first one. Placing it deliberately on the bed between them as a promise, she stood, and reached behind for her zip.
Her fingers fumbled as the moment arrived to reveal her body to him, but she had to do this. To prove to herself that she wasn’t that scared, vulnerable girl she’d been six years ago and to regain control of the situation.
Admitting the truth usurped some of her power and she needed to get it back, starting with disrobing for the last guy to see her semi-naked.
Thankfully lust replaced confusion in Brock’s stare as she eased the zip down and pushed the sleeves down her arms, taking the top of the dress with it.
Her skin pebbled in the cool air and she resisted the urge to rub her skin for warmth. Besides, the longer Brock stared at her, the more she heated from the inside out, his burning gaze creating a flush that started at her neck and swept downwards.
‘Fuck me,’ Brock muttered, as his hungry gaze zeroed in on her breasts and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.
She always wore sexy lingerie because it empowered her. She might not feel attractive on the outside some days but knowing she wore risqué underwear leant her a swagger that would otherwise be missing. With Brock staring at her with blatant appreciation, she felt vindicated in wearing a black satin bra and matching panties dotted with tiny crimson lips.
‘You are so beautiful,’ he murmured, as she shimmied out of the dress and let it fall to the floor in a soft swoosh.
She stepped out of the dress and he was on her in an instant.