Loving Leah

“Right, Leah. You care about us so much that you’ve only now come back to Missoula after eight years away. You didn’t even bother to come home for Caro’s funeral.” He paused for a moment, as if only then aware of what he’d revealed, then forged on with surly determination. “Now you want me to believe you’re here out of the goodness of your heart and you expect me to be grateful? No way in hell—”

“I was traveling in Southeast Asia when Caro died. I didn’t even know about the accident until two weeks after it happened,” Leah reminded him, realizing at last what had caused him to be so upset with her. She’d thought he knew and understood why she hadn’t been able to be there for him during those weeks immediately following Caro’s death. But it seemed he hadn’t, and he’d held it against her ever since. “I wrote to you then, John. A long letter you never answered. If you needed me, why didn’t you let me know? I would have come.”

“Because I didn’t need you then, just like I don’t need you now. Simple enough, isn’t it? So why don’t you grab your suitcase and just get the hell out of here,” he said again with a quiet emphasis that almost had her scurrying to obey.

Only the realization of how deeply he’d been hurt by her absence made her stand firm. Now that she knew how badly she’d let John down after Caro died, she wasn’t going to let him down again. There was Gracie to consider, too, and the awful disorder downstairs. Regardless of what he said or did, he needed her here, and here she was going to stay.

“I’ll get out of your study…for now. You’re obviously in the midst of a self-indulgent wallow of some sort, and I might as well leave you to it,” she stated with surprising self-possession. “But I’m not getting out of your house, not tonight or tomorrow or the day after that. Somebody needs to clean up the mess you’ve made downstairs before your daughter sees it. And somebody certainly needs to look after Gracie until Cameron and Georgette return in August. Since you seem too busy feeling sorry for yourself to even take out the trash, and since you’ve already succeeded in running off two nannies in the past nine months, you’re stuck with me. Like it or not, I suggest you get used to it,” she finished with a defiant tip of her chin.

“I didn’t run off two nannies in nine months,” he snapped back, glaring at her. “The first one left to take a higher-paying job in Seattle. I caught the second one in bed with a man in the middle of the day while Gracie was alone in her room under orders not to come out. Despite what you’ve obviously been told, I’m not quite the ogre I’ve been portrayed as being.”

“No one has portrayed you as an ogre, and I don’t consider you one, either. But by the same token, I’m not the enemy here,” she insisted, hoping to mollify him enough that he would give her at least a little cooperation.

“You did say you’d get out of my study, didn’t you?” he asked almost conversationally, obviously choosing to ignore her attempt to soften his mood. “Anytime now would be good for me.”

Both angered and exasperated by his callous dismissal but trying hard not to show it, Leah spun on her heel and crossed to the doorway, then paused.

“I never knew you could be such a jerk, John Bennett,” she tossed back at him, unable to keep the hurt she was feeling from echoing in her voice.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Leah,” he warned softly, turning to face her fully for the first time since she’d entered his study. “A lot you don’t want to know, believe me.”

There was a new element in his tone, a self-loathing that caught Leah completely by surprise. But she was too caught up in her anger with him to do more than file the thought away for future consideration.

“Right now I’d have to agree with you,” she shot back.

Her head held high, Leah quietly left and closed the door behind her. She paused in the hallway to take a deep, calming breath, then suddenly realized that Gracie could have overheard their every word. With a sense of dread, she hurried down the hallway, then sighed with relief. A glance in the little girl’s bedroom assured her that Gracie was sleeping soundly.

While Leah had no intention of allowing John to treat her badly, she didn’t want his daughter witnessing the kind of exchange they’d just had. She didn’t think John would, either, but she couldn’t be absolutely sure. His emotions seemed much too volatile.

She could only hope that in the days ahead the diplomacy she’d developed dealing with the more overbearing parents she’d come up against as a teacher would work to her advantage with him, as well.

Obviously John was still grieving deeply for Caro. That alone gave her good reason to make allowances for his behavior. And although he hadn’t said as much in so many words, he’d also been hurt by her absence after Caro’s death.

Leah had thought about coming home many times in the months since the accident, but she’d always found excuses to stay away. Not because she hadn’t cared about John, she admitted. In fact, she’d cared about him too much and hadn’t wanted him to know it.

During all the years John had been married to Caro, Leah had never really stopped loving him. Selfishly, she had sought to avoid the one situation guaranteed to cause her heartache, and in the process she had lost what friendship they’d once shared.

Well, so be it, she thought as she headed downstairs to strip the linens from the bed in her room and put them in the washing machine. It wasn’t necessary for them to be friends for her to take care of Gracie. Nor was their friendship necessary for her to scrub pots and pans, carry out the trash, load the dishwasher and wipe down countertops, she added as she surveyed the kitchen with her hands on her hips.

But it would have been so much easier being there with John if she could have counted on him treating her kindly. She deserved at least that much from him without having to demand it. She still hadn’t given up completely, at least not yet. He couldn’t ignore indefinitely the past they’d shared. He might try, but she wasn’t going to let him.

Eventually, he would realize she was there for his benefit as well as Gracie’s. All she had to do was be patient, and she had gotten very good at that over the years, she thought, as she grimly set to work filling the sink with hot, soapy water to soak the crusty pots and pans left on the stove.

Chapter Three

They were at it again, John thought, eyeing the clock on his nightstand with bleary eyes. Not quite seven in the morning, and for the third day in a row, the sound of feminine voices—light, bright and much too cheerful, at least to his way of thinking—drifted into his bedroom from the kitchen directly below.

He had never been an early riser, nor had Caro. But Leah and Gracie seemed to delight in waking up with the birds, then waking him up, as well, with their airy chatter, the bang of pots and pans, and the scent of breakfast cooking.

With a low groan, John sat up and scrubbed his hands through his shaggy hair. Somehow, in the days since her arrival Sunday night, Leah had quietly and efficiently taken over responsibility for his home, as well as his daughter. Not that he’d put up much of a fight. He hadn’t yet stayed in the house with Leah long enough for that to happen.

Monday morning he had gone downstairs, totally uncertain of his reception. His behavior toward Leah the night before had been abominable, but he had no intention of apologizing to her. He didn’t want or need her in his home, and any nicety on his part would only make it that much harder to get rid of her, as he kept telling himself he had every intention of doing very soon.

Shifting in his bed, he remembered how he’d walked into the spotlessly clean kitchen that first morning to find Leah and Gracie at the table, empty plates pushed aside, their heads bent over the comics in the daily paper.

“Daddy?” Gracie had looked up at him with a surprised smile. “You got up early today.”

“Couldn’t sleep with all the racket down here,” he’d replied, not sounding nearly as gruff as he should have under the circumstances.

Leah, too, had acknowledged his presence, but her smile hadn’t quite erased the wary look in her eyes.

“There’s bacon in the oven,” she’d said. “It won’t take me long to scramble a couple of eggs for you if you’re hungry, or I can put some bread in the toaster….”

“Thanks, but I’ll just have coffee.” He’d filled the thermal mug he used, then dug in a drawer for paper and pen. “Here’s the telephone number for my office at the university. I’ll be there all day if you need me. Don’t bother to wait dinner.” He’d set the note on the table, then added by way of explanation when he’d seen the crestfallen look on Gracie’s face, “I have a meeting with the dean that I’ve put off for a couple of weeks already. There’s no getting out of it today.”

“Can we come see you at your office?” Gracie had asked, her voice filled with hope.

“Maybe another day,” he’d replied, then hesitated, not really as anxious to get away as he’d been initially.

“We have to go to the grocery store this morning, Gracie, and we haven’t even begun to put together our list yet,” Leah reminded the little girl gently.

“Oh, yeah, you’ll need some money.”

John had frowned as he dug in his back pocket for his wallet, afraid that he didn’t have enough cash on hand to cover all the things he imagined Leah would probably have to buy. He had gotten in the habit of keeping only a minimal amount of perishable food in the house.

“I’ve got it covered. Pay me back when you can,” she’d told him.

“Right, I will.”

He’d left then, the memory of the reproach he’d seen in Leah’s eyes staying with him not only all day, but also well into the night. He hadn’t been so busy that he’d had to go to the university quite so early that day, and he could have come home much sooner than he had, as well. Instead, he’d waited purposely until he’d been sure that Leah and Gracie had both gone to bed.

Tuesday morning had been a replay of Monday morning except that Leah’s homemaking efforts on Monday had made him feel even guiltier. Not only had there been leftover meat loaf in the refrigerator, but a chocolate layer cake on the counter. And the rest of the house, now as immaculate as the kitchen, had smelled of fresh air and lemon oil.

Instead of being duly contrite, though, he had allowed his irritation at himself to show and be misconstrued.

“I appreciate your efforts, Leah, but you don’t have to clean my house,” he’d said as he’d filled his mug at the counter. “I can hire a maid service to come in once a week.”

“But it was fun, Daddy,” Gracie had said. “Leah let me push the vacuum cleaner and spray the furniture polish on the tables. I helped her bake a cake, too, and we made cinnamon rolls for breakfast today. Wait’ll you taste them. They are so, so yummy.”

There had been a wary look in Leah’s lovely eyes again when he’d turned to meet her gaze. But there had been the barest hint of anger, as well, and it had echoed in her voice when she spoke.

“There’s no need to hire a maid service while I’m here, John,” she said. “I intend to earn my keep, you know. By the way, the receipt for the groceries I bought is on the windowsill. You can give me a check to cover the cost whenever you have a chance. Gracie requested spaghetti for dinner tonight, too, hoping you’d eat with us.”

“Sorry, I can’t be here,” he’d answered curtly, then had wanted to kick himself when he’d seen Gracie duck her head to hide her disappointment.

“You’re awfully busy for June, aren’t you?” Leah had asked, politely yet pointedly.

“I’ve just gotten funding for an important research project,” he’d answered, his tone more defensive than he’d intended. “I’d like to have it well under way before classes start again in the fall.”