The Baby They Both Loved

If Simon was right about Lucy—if she intentionally kept him from his son—then he might actually have a legitimate claim to Nathan. He had already said he wanted his son. But he couldn’t just take him away from her. She was already his legal guardian and the adoption was very near to being finalized—

“I don’t know why,” Simon admitted. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since I first saw Nathan standing in his playpen. She knew I loved her and she knew I wanted her to live with me in Seattle. Hell, I must have asked her to marry me half a dozen times that summer. She’d just smile and say she’d think about it.

“Then she said the one thing she had to know was guaranteed to run me off. You were her best friend, Kit. You were the one she would have trusted most, yet she lied to you, too, didn’t she?”

“Only if I believe what you’ve told me is the truth,” Kit countered.

Gathering Nathan’s empty bowl and cup, she pushed away from the table and crossed to the sink, turning her back on Simon. He was making too much sense for her peace of mind.

“Why would I lie to you?” Simon asked relentlessly, echoing the question she’d posed to herself once already.

“So you can strut around town again without looking like a jerk,” she retorted, aware that she was grasping at straws.

Why would Simon Gilmore care what anyone in tiny Belle, Montana, thought of him—including her? He could certainly snow his own parents without a practice run, and he had a whole other life in Seattle, Washington. None of his friends in the big city need ever know about his youthful indiscretion.

“You should know me better than that after all the time we spent together, Kit,” Simon chided her gently. “I’ve made my share of mistakes and I’ve always owned up to them. But I’m not hanging my head in shame over something I didn’t do. And I did not abandon Lucy or my son.”

“I thought I knew Lucy, too, but now I’m not so sure,” Kit admitted, failing to realize until too late that she had finally sided with him, at least in an indirect way.

“That’s not exactly a vote of total confidence, but hey, I’ll take what I can get,” Simon said, his gruff tone lightening perceptively. Then as Kit took Nathan’s bottle from the warmer, he added to the little boy, “Hey, buddy, how about I get you out of that high chair?”

Clutching the baby bottle in both hands, Kit spun around to face Simon again, just as he lifted Nathan into his arms. The child went to him willingly, looking up at him with wondering eyes. His expression grave but unafraid, Nathan patted Simon’s jaw with one little hand. Simon seemed equally enchanted by his son, returning the little boy’s gaze with one full of awe.

Kit was both endeared and terrified by the sight of father and son taking their first tentative steps in the bonding process. Simon couldn’t think she’d let him take Nathan away from her on the basis of some wild, impossible-to-prove story.

“Let me have him,” she demanded.

Her voice sounding harsh and afraid to her ears as she plunked the bottle on the table, she reached for Nathan.

Obviously startled by her tone, Simon took a step back. His hold on Nathan seemed to tighten as he gazed at her in confusion. Nathan, too, stared at her, his eyes widening, his lower lip beginning to quiver.

Pain squeezed at Kit’s heart as she thought of how easily Simon could turn and walk out of the apartment with Nathan still in his arms. The way he was standing, he had a clear shot through the kitchen to the front door. She wasn’t strong enough to stop him physically. She doubted George and Bonnie together would be, either, even if she managed to alert them in time.

Tears welled in her eyes and her hands began to shake. She couldn’t lose Nathan. Not after all the other losses she’d suffered in the past six months.

“Please,” she begged, unable to hide her desperation as she held her arms out to Simon in supplication. “Please let me have him….”

Chapter Four

S imon stared at Kit in silence for several long, confusing moments, unsure at first what had triggered the high note of panic in her voice as she reached out so greedily for Nathan. He had only been trying to lend a hand, wanting to release the fidgeting little boy from the confines of his high chair before he began to fuss.

Taking such action had seemed harmless enough, and of course he’d handled Nathan with consummate care. He had thought Kit would appreciate the help, busy as she was rinsing dishes at the sink, then fetching Nathan’s bottle from the warmer. But the longing that had built steadily inside of him as he’d sat by the table, talking to Kit, had motivated him, as well.

Focusing more and more of his attention on the child happily eating the chicken soup and saltines she fed him so patiently, Simon had noted the many physical similarities between him and his son. He had seen in Nathan, too, something of Lucy in the determined tilt of his little chin and the elegant arch of his eyebrows.

With increasing urgency Simon had wanted to feel the warm, solid weight of his son’s small body in his arms. He had needed to hold his child close, to look into his bright blue eyes with the gentle reassurance of a father promising his beloved child that he would move heaven and earth to make sure everything in his world would always be just fine.

Your daddy’s here now, little guy, and he’s going to take very good care of you.

Understanding finally dawned on Simon as Kit continued to stand in front of him, however, her eyes darkened by the shadow of inexpressible fear. She must have sensed the intensity of his determination to accept responsibility for the son he only now knew he had. And she must now think that he intended to take Nathan from her at that very moment.

No wonder she had panicked, Simon thought, his heart going out to her in sympathy. She must see him as her enemy, when that wasn’t his intention at all. They had been friends once. For Nathan’s sake, he hoped they could be friends again.

Kit had said that Lucy named her as the boy’s legal guardian. She had also said that she was in the process of adopting him, and it was apparent, by all she’d said and done, that she loved and cherished him deeply.

In the months since Lucy’s death Kit had mothered Nathan as if he were her own child. She was the one constant in his son’s short life, and she was the one Nathan reached for now with a tearful whimper, aware as children always are, of emotions running high.

Simon knew that he would gain nothing by alienating Kit Davenport, and he would upset Nathan, as well, by behaving like a bully. There were ways that he could go about asserting his parental rights in a calm and dignified manner. He truly had no desire at all to cause Kit unnecessary pain.

To his way of thinking, he owed her an enormous debt of gratitude. Had it not been for her generosity of spirit, Nathan could have become a ward of the state. Put into a foster home and eventually adopted by strangers, his son would never have known he had a father ready and willing to love and care for him.

No, Simon didn’t want to hurt Kit, or upset her unnecessarily. But he wasn’t going to give up his son to her, either—at least not on any kind of permanent basis.

Of course, he was going to need time to bond with his son before he would be ready to take over as a full-time father. And Kit was the one person who could facilitate that bonding. Her acceptance of him would, in turn, guarantee Nathan’s acceptance of him, and only with mutual acceptance and understanding would they avoid any further emotional trauma.

“Hey, no problem,” Simon said finally, shifting Nathan into Kit’s arms with a reassuring smile. “I hope I didn’t scare him.”

The little boy’s quivering lip vanished as he snuggled contentedly against Kit’s shoulder. Her relief was almost palpable as she held the child close. But there was also embarrassment evident in the lingering glance she shot Simon’s way.

“Actually, I believe I’m the one who frightened him, raising my voice the way I did,” she admitted, her slight smile rueful.

“You weren’t afraid that I’d drop him or anything, were you?” Simon asked, wanting to find out just how honest she would be with him.

Kit hesitated a moment, her smile fading as she looked away, then met his gaze again, her chin tipped at a defensive angle.

“I trusted that you’d be careful with him,” she said, her tone matter-of-fact. “What concerned me was the possibility that you’d try to leave with him, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop you.”

Her truthfulness, coupled with her acknowledgment of just how vulnerable he’d made her feel, touched off deep in Simon’s soul an unexpected inclination to protect. Had anyone posed a similar threat to Kit Davenport’s well-being, he knew he would have come to her aid without a moment’s hesitation. But the only way he could save her from himself was to give up his son, and that Simon could never do.

Again he realized how loathe he was to see Kit hurt, and again he admitted that he was the one most likely to cause her pain in the very near future. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see that he had any choice in the matter. He could be as honest as she was, though, and hope that she would respect him for it as he respected her.

“The thought did cross my mind,” he said. “Nathan is my son, after all.

“But there are other issues involved, legal issues that we’ll have to sort out. There’s also the fact that he doesn’t know me very well yet. It’s going to be a while before he’s as comfortable with me as he is with you. If I’d taken off with him, I would have probably scared him half to death. That wouldn’t do any of us any good, but especially wouldn’t have been good for Nathan. His best interests have to come first, as I’m sure you’ll agree.”

“Of course, I agree that his best interests are of primary importance. But just because you happened to donate the sperm doesn’t automatically give you parental rights,” Kit retorted in righteous indignation, all evidence of weakness on her part gone in a flash. Holding Nathan tight, she squared her shoulders and met his gaze unswervingly. “I’m the one Lucy designated as her son’s guardian. Nothing was said about you in her will. I don’t think she would have left you out of the equation if she wanted you to be a part of Nathan’s life.”

“Lucy made a lot of decisions about our son that didn’t include me,” Simon pointed out, his own ire returning in full force. “But only because I didn’t know I had a son, thanks to her deception. I know about Nathan now, though, and I’m not letting you exclude me the way she did. I’m a good man and I deserve to have the chance to raise my son. You can try to fight me if you want to, Kit. But be fore-warned—while I don’t want to see you hurt, I will do whatever it takes to get full custody of my son.”

He spoke in a measured tone, never once raising his voice. Still Kit seemed to wilt under his barrage. She didn’t respond verbally in any way, just looked at him with wide, suddenly frightened eyes. Despite all his justifications, spoken and unspoken, in that moment she made him feel like a bully. He could blame her for the provocation, but that didn’t excuse completely his intimidating behavior.

“I want you with me, Kit, not against me,” he added, softening his voice as he reached out to touch her cheek with gentle fingertips.

She flinched away from him as if she’d been scalded.

“It’s Lucy’s wishes that matter to me, not yours, Simon Gilmore. Lucy wanted me, not you, to take care of Nathan if anything happened to her, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you in court,” he stated simply, accepting at last that they’d reached an impasse.