Maya - Illusion

Lek had already decided that she would choose money, although not for entirely selfish reasons. Selfishness was in there though, he was sure. He knew that she would not be able to bear the shame of having to withdraw Soom from university for lack of funds.

Although that was the mechanics of the situation, it did not help his predicament. He loved Lek, but he was being offered an honourable way out. No-one would blame him for cutting and running now. Lek had told him that he was on his own.

Craig wondered for a little while whether Lek was offering him this easy exit because she had found someone new, but he dismissed the idea as much for lack of evidence as the fact that it would have hurt him too much to countenance it. He believed that Lek was genuinely concerned about her daughter’s future and that helped him with the next choice, which was whether he should stay or go.

That would take another beer. It was not that he didn’t want to stay. It was more a question of whether this problem would erupt again over an unrelated issue like Soom’s first home, Soom’s first car, Soom’s babies, when she had them, which she inevitably would. Soom had been brought up by her grandmother as had Lek and he knew that Lek was looking forward to the role in her turn.

Craig, however, was not, yet the likelihood of it coming to pass was only three or four years away.

Nong saw the empty bottle and swiftly brought another one.

The ultimate decision was between selling everything that he had left in the UK, looking after Soom’s children and staying with Lek in the village that he had come to call home or to call it a day and move on.

It was a tough one.

∞

Lek had gone to her Mum’s house, which was just over the lane from their place, less than half-way to Nong’s shop. She hadn’t discussed her predicament with anyone yet, because so much depended on Craig, but she was ready to bite the bullet and go back to work if things worked out that way.

She was prepared to accept her own bad Fate, but she was not prepared to allow Fate to affect Soom’s future, if she could do anything about it.

If Craig fell by the wayside, then so be it. The ball was in his court now. She had given him an out and a two-week period to come up with a solution. There was nothing more to do than steel herself again and wait for what her Karma would throw at her. She did care about Craig, but she cared more about Soom and she cared nothing for herself.

After the dreams she had had for and the nightmares she had had about Soom’s future over the last eighteen years, Lek was not about to leave anything to something as intangible as Fate. Her daughter might not be clever enough to pass the examinations, that was something else, but she would sit them, shortage of money notwithstanding.

She sat with her mother, but her mother could see that she was troubled, so she cut and peeled some fruit for them both and pretended to be busy until her daughter made the first move.

“What would you think if I moved to Bangkok, Mum, to be closer to Soom if she needs me? I think that I can be more use there than here now. What do you reckon?”

“I reckon that that is your decision, Lek, but what does Craig think about it? He is your husband and therefore the one you should be asking this question, not me.”

“Yes, I know, but... I’m just not sure...”

“I never followed you around when you were growing up. Did I do wrong? Why do you think that you have to be at your daughter’s side and not your husband’s?

“Soom has her own mistakes to make like we all did and still do – it is part of growing up. Will you be there when she meets her first lover too?”

“I would like to be, yes! And if he’s not good enough I’d...”

Lek could see her mother’s smiling eyes although no mirth showed around her mouth.

“You can only do what you can do. You could not be here for the first part of Soom’s life, but that is not so bad. I did my best and you were here for the last eight years. Soom is a good, level-headed, intelligent girl, now is the time to give her some headroom – let her practice what she has learned – don’t keep her hemmed in.

“She may start to think that you think that she’s stupid and you don’t want that do you? Not when she is in a big Bangkok university with all the rich kids. They will give her enough complexes already.

“What is your true concern?”

“Money, Mum, if I am honest. I want the university fees for the full, four-year term of the course in my bank account right now, so that I know that money will not stop her staying at university. I want to see it, in a bank book.”

“Yes, I see. We would all like enough money in the bank to be safe, but that is not how it is for working class people like us, unfortunately. What does Craig have to say about it all?”

She didn’t want to say that she hadn’t consulted him or that she was thinking seriously of going back to work, so she said, “He doesn’t want to live in Bangkok. Nor do I really, since I don’t know anyone there except Chalita and her husband and I couldn’t just hang around with them all the time. Sis has her own life to lead. Maybe I could live in Pattaya, it’s only an hour or so away.

“Craig doesn’t think we can afford to live in a city and he’s probably right. I would have to find a job to pay the rent and most of the university fees...”

“I see,” said her mother slowly. “Like that is it? How old are you now? Thirty-nine, forty? Not old certainly, but getting old to be doing some types of job, don’t you think? Your job opportunities would be limited by your qualifications, lack of experience and age, I imagine. What sort of work did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know Mum. I only know bar work and basic bookkeeping. Perhaps I could get a job as a cashier in a bar, or a receptionist in a hotel or working the till in a shop.”

“Don’t you need qualifications to be a bookkeeper these days? I think you do, unless your family gives you a job. Have you spoken to Beou about it?”

“No, not yet. I just told Craig and he’s gone to Nong’s to think about it and get drunk, I suppose. He took it rather badly although I did kind of hit him with it out of the blue.”

“It is a shock to me, I can’t imagine what he is going through. He gave up everything to come here to be with you. All his friends, his family, his connections... and now you are dumping him. Not a very nice prospect, is it? Now that he’s spent most of his money too. It makes you look heartless, my dear, although I know you are only thinking about the security of Soom’s future.

“However, you are married now and you and Craig must work as a team. This may sound like your concern alone, but it is not. We might not be able to help you financially, but we would miss you if you left again. It has been so..., so homely, like the good old days, having you around again for the last eight or nine years.

“Then there is Soom. Have you asked her about your idea of moving down with her? Perhaps she was looking forward to a lot more freedom. That is one of the perks of going away to study, isn’t it? To learn about life in the ‘real world’, learning to stand on your own two feet? And she’ll have you hanging around criticising her every mistake.

“If you want the advice of an old woman, I would say not to abandon the people who love you the most. Look for ways that we, or you and Craig can sort this problem out together. Talk to him properly, don’t just tell him ‘this is how it is going to be...’. He has his pride too and if you push him into a corner, he may leave you and I think that you would regret that sooner or later. Probably sooner too.

“Soom would miss Craig too. Well, we all would. We have all become fond of him and his funny little ways. He’s a breath of fresh air sometimes.”

“Do you think that I should go to him now, Mum?”

“That is up to you, Lek, but maybe it is better if he thinks things through on his own for a little while longer. Give him an hour longer and that will give you time to think what to say to him and cook him something nice. What is his favourite? Oh, yes, Paneng. Put some of your love into a Paneng for him and if he’s not back by the time it’s ready, take him a bowl to the shop.”

“Thanks, Mum, you always know what to say just at the right moment... whereas I, well I just rush in and... Do I get that from Dad? I’ll give it a shot. Do you fancy some curry too? I’ll make enough for all of us.”

∞

Craig was well into his fourth pint when Lek appeared at his side. He actually smelled her coming before he saw her, or at least he had caught a whiff of his favourite Thai meal being cooked somewhere near by.

“Hello, telak. I have brought you something to eat. You not eat all day and drinking with no food is no good.” As soon as she had mentioned drinking and an implied criticism, she regretted it.

“Who cares? Go to Bangkok, then you won’t have to watch, will you?”

“I did not mean anything, my dear, honestly. May I sit down and join you? I think I need a few beers too.”

“I don’t need a few beers, I want a few beers... Sure sit down, what do you want? A Leo? Nong! Can I have a Leo, a glass, some ice and another Chang, please?”

Lek was unwrapping her parcel of food and two dishes that already had servings of white, fluffy rice in them. She passed the bowl of curry, a bowl of rice and a spoon to Craig, so that he could serve himself first in the traditional way.

“Thank you. It smells very nice. Thanks, Nong. Cheers, my dear, bottoms up! When are you off? Oh, yes, in two weeks...”

“I want to talk to you about that, Craig. I am so sorry that I sprang it on you so suddenly like that. It must have been a terrible shock. I should have been more... more subtle. Is that the right word?”

“Well, it’s one of them and you certainly were not it.”