Her Last Secret

They just had to make sure, somehow, that Eddie never went down that path. Teach him right from wrong, although there were some who said this kind of stuff was inside kids from the get-go; the whole nature vs. nurture debate. Looking at him here, his sweet, sweet kid, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, Matt found it hard to image Eddie doing anything like that when he grew up. But given the right circumstances, the right push, couldn’t anyone snap? He saw it all the time in his line of work, though never usually this dramatically it had to be said. If life threw enough shit at you, maybe one day you’d just lose it and …

Matt shook his head and closed the door. You could drive yourself mad thinking thoughts like those. Which was why he tried his best not to; he thought he’d gotten quite good at it, but …

Even as he warmed up his food and ate (he didn’t bother with the lager) then attempted to watch a movie with Katherine – some political thriller about a president being in danger – what had happened to Julie, Jake, Jordan, was going round and round in his head.

Katherine was first in bed that night, and by the time he’d brushed his teeth and climbed in, she was sound asleep. It had been a long day for her as well, Matt understood that, working, then picking up Eddie from the sitter who took him after school, before cooking. But he could really have used some form of affection that night, even just a cuddle would have done the trick. It was like Katherine had this switch she’d flip when she went to sleep, out like a light – while he’d be there for hours staring at the ceiling or the clock, just trying to nod off.

Then, after it felt like he’d only just got to sleep, the alarm went off early for another day. Seconds later, Eddie was in their room, bouncing around on the bed. Matt felt like crap, but still laughed and hugged the kid to his chest – he never wanted to let go. Never wanted him to grow up.

‘Come on,’ Katherine said, already up and alert and holding out her hand for Eddie, ‘we’d better get you some breakfast.’

And, even though they – his son especially – were only downstairs, Matt felt a sudden sense of loss. A fraction of what Julie and Jake must have been feeling that morning. All he had to do was follow his family to the kitchen, while they would never see their kid ever again.

He grabbed some toast and ate with them, showered, said goodbye – another big hug from Eddie, a peck on the cheek from Katherine who was dropping the lad off at school – and headed to work himself.

It was around eleven when he got the phone call. Jake had been on his mind again, and he’d been thinking about calling him at the hotel, or just going there to see how he was when his mobile had gone off.

‘Matt?’ the croaky voice said, then more clearly, ‘Matt. You said to ring if I needed anything.’

‘Jake? Hey mate, yes. Yes of course. I was just thinking about you.’ Hadn’t stopped, especially since most of his work that morning revolved around Jordan’s case again. Organising uniforms to keep the press at bay around the Allaway house … and it was only a matter of time before they found out where Jake was, as well. The fact the blood on Bobby’s clothes had now come back a match for Jake’s daughter’s. ‘How’re you doing?’

Jake ignored the question and said, flatly, ‘I need to see him, Matt.’

‘See who?’

‘The guy. The one Jordan was seeing. The one who …’ His words tailed off.

‘Bobby?’ Matt switched the phone to his other ear, lowered his voice. ‘Jesus, I can’t … It’s just not possible.’

There was a sigh at the other end. ‘I just need to see him. Look in his eyes, you know?’

‘I do, and I understand. Really I do, but—’

‘You said whatever I needed.’

‘Yeah, but I didn’t … Look, why don’t I come to you and we can talk about this. About what a spectacularly bad idea it is.’

‘I’m not asking to be put in a cell with him.’

‘Good job, because that’s never going to happen,’ spluttered Matt.

‘Just … what do you call it, a supervised visit. I need to see him. Ask him a few questions.’

‘That’s our job,’ Matt reminded him.

‘I know, I know. I just … Matt, I just need to do something.’

It was Matt’s turn to sigh. ‘Like I said, I understand. But it’s impossible, Jake.’

‘Matt,’ the man said then, ‘you owe me.’

Now that was low. Matt knew exactly what he was talking about. Not the fact that they’d done all sorts for each other, always been there looking out for one another … at least until they drifted apart and then eventually Jake moved away. He was talking about that time with the car, taking the rap for it, covering for Matt. But to bring it up now … ‘Jake, you might want to think about what you’ve just said.’

‘I know. I don’t think I’m being left a lot of choice.’

‘Might want to think about what you’re asking. I could lose my job here.’

‘You never would have had one, if it wasn’t for me. Hiring a lot of guys with records these days, are they?’ There was an edge to Jake’s tone he hadn’t heard in a long time, possibly not since they were rough and ready teenagers.

‘Fuck you,’ said Matt, all sympathy gone for a moment. ‘I’m trying to help here.’

‘I-I’m sorry … but put yourself in my position,’ Jake said then. It was exactly what Matt had been doing all day yesterday, all evening.

‘Trust me, I am. I’ve been trying to. But it’s really not fair of you to—’

‘Please,’ Jake broke in, his voice pathetic. ‘I’m begging you.’ Threats, then pleading. He had to remember what his friend was going through, what it was doing to him. But seeing the guy who’d done this, would that really help? Matt doubted it very much. ‘For me, for Jules … For what we all used to mean to each other. Just for a second. A glimpse. I just need to see him, I’ve never even seen the guy. I just need to understand.’

Matt was silent for a moment or two. Channing was out most of the day again, and he was pretty sure he could square it away with the sergeant on duty, Sharpe, who owed Matt a favour or two himself (it didn’t hurt that Sharpe had a daughter about the same age as Jordan). Bring in Jake under the guise of asking a few routine questions, then slip him out to the cells for just for a few minutes. It was a small station, hardly Fort Knox, and their camera system wasn’t exactly state of the art, was prone to glitches now and again. It could be done, wouldn’t be the first time. But if they were going to do this, it had to be soon – before their prime suspect was charged, possibly transferred. Matt supposed he owed Jake that much, if it’s what he wanted. Needed.

Anything you need …

‘I’m going to regret this, I know I am,’ he said.

‘Thanks, Matt. Really.’

‘I’ll come and pick you up,’ Matt said, and he cut off the call. Then thought to himself: and there I was worried that he’d do something stupid …

***

When Matt arrived at Jake’s hotel, he was standing outside waiting for him, wearing the same clothes as the day before.

Or rather, he wasn’t so much standing as leaning against the fencing outside; holding on to it for support. He looked dreadful. His skin was drained of all its colour, and his eyes were red, with dark rings around them. Just how much had he had to drink last night? More than one bottle, that was for sure, but it didn’t look like it had helped any with his sleep.

When Jake saw the car, he held up a hand – which almost immediately went to his stomach. As he reached the vehicle, Matt wound down the window and said, ‘I hope you got it all out of your system?’

‘I’m fine,’ Jake tried to assure him, the same crap as yesterday – but it sounded even less convincing today.

He opened the glove compartment, pulled out a pair of sunglasses and handed them to Jake as he climbed in. ‘Maybe we should do this another time.’ Like never, thought Matt.

‘I said I was fine,’ snapped Jake, putting on the shades. Then apologised. ‘Please …’

‘Sure.’ Anything but the begging again.

On the way back to the station, he thought about telling Jake the news: the fingerprint and blood match. Then he thought better of it. That probably wasn’t the kind of thing you needed to hear just before seeing the person in question. So they rode in silence.

But then Jake suddenly piped up: ‘Has … has he said anything else?’

Matt looked across at his friend in the passenger seat. ‘Bobby? Only that he’s innocent. That he didn’t do it.’