An Amish Family Christmas: Heart of Christmas / A Plain Holiday

“She may not be so happy when she realizes what she’s got herself into.” He stared down at his hands, knotted into fists against his black broadfall trousers. “The truth is, William and Anna are both...difficult.”

Susannah had the sense that this was what Toby had been trying to say since the kinder had left the room, and she murmured a silent prayer for the right words.

“Difficult how?” She tried to smile reassuringly. “You don’t need to be afraid to confide in me, Toby. Anything you tell me about the kinder is private, and as their teacher, I can help them best if I understand what’s happening with them.”

He nodded, exhaling a long breath. “I know I can trust you, Susannah.” A fleeting smile crossed his face, then was gone. “I always could.”

No doubt he was remembering all the times she hadn’t told on him when he’d been up to mischief. “Just tell me what troubles you about them,” she said.

“My little Anna,” he began. “Well, you saw how she is. So shy she hardly ever says a word. She was never as outgoing as William, but she used to chirp along like a little bird when it was just the family. Now she scarcely talks even to me.”

Susannah’s heart twisted at his obvious pain. “Is it just since her mammi died?”

He nodded. “That’s when I started noticing it, anyway. She hasn’t even warmed up to her grossmammi yet, and I know that hurts my mother.”

“She’ll be patient,” Susannah said, knowing Sara Unger would do anything for her grandchildren. “What about William? He’s not suffering from shyness, I’d say.”

“No.” Toby didn’t smile at her comment. If anything, he looked even more worried. “William has been a problem in another way.” He hesitated, making her realize how difficult it was for him to talk about his children to her. “William has been getting up to mischief.”

“Well, he probably takes after his father. You shouldn’t—”

He shook his head, stopping her. “I’m not talking about the kind of pranks I used to play. I’m talking about serious things. Things where he could have been badly hurt.” He paled. “He tried to ride bareback on a young colt that was hardly broken to harness. He challenged one of the other boys to jump from the barn window, and it’s a wonder he wasn’t hurt.” Toby’s jaw tightened. “He started a fire in the shed. If I hadn’t seen the smoke—” He broke off abruptly.

Susannah’s thoughts were reeling, but she knew she had to reassure him somehow. Say something that would show she was on his side.

“I’m so sorry, Toby.” Her heart was in the words. “But you mustn’t despair. William is young, and he’s acting out his pain over his mother in the only way he can think of. This is going to get better.”

“I want to believe that.” The bleakness in his expression told her he didn’t quite mean what he said.

“There’s a way to reach William, I promise you. I’ll do everything I can to help him. To help both of them.”

Wanting only to ease the pain she read in Toby’s face, she reached out to clasp his hand. The instant they touched, she knew she’d made a mistake.

Their eyes met with a sudden, startled awareness. His seemed to darken, and Susannah felt her breath catch in her throat. For a long moment, they were motionless, hands clasped, gazes intertwined.

And then he let go of her hand as abruptly as if he’d touched a hot stove. He cleared his throat. “Denke, Susannah.” His voice had roughened. “I knew the kinder could count on you for help.”

She clasped her hands together tightly, feeling as if she’d forgotten how to breathe. “That’s why I’m here,” she said. She managed a bland smile and retreated behind her desk.

Toby rose, and for the life of her, she couldn’t think of anything else to say. But one thing had become very clear to her.

She wasn’t over Toby Unger at all, and somehow, she was going to have to learn to deal with it.

* * *

Toby sat at the kitchen table by lamplight with Daad while Mamm put dishes away. He felt as if he’d jumped backward in time. He and Daad used to sit like this in the evening when the chores were done, hearing the life of the household go on around them while Daad planned out their next day’s work.

The two sisters who’d come after him were married now, with families of their own, but his youngest sister, Sally, was upstairs putting William and Anna to bed for him. Sixteen, and just starting her rumspringa years, Sally had developed into a beauty, but she didn’t seem aware of it. Maybe she thought it was natural to have all the boys flocking around her the way they did. It didn’t turn her head, at any rate. She was sweet and loving with his children—an unexpected blessing upon his return.

And Susannah? Would she be a blessing, as well? He still felt that jolt of surprise he’d experienced when their eyes first met. How could he still feel an attraction for the woman he’d jilted ten years ago?

Mamm leaned across him to pour a little more coffee into Daad’s cup. “Did you have a chance to talk to Susannah today about the kinder?”

He nodded. He had to keep his mind on his children. Any flicker of attraction he felt for Susannah was surely just a result of seeing someone again he’d once been so close to.

“It wasn’t easy to tell her,” he admitted. “But I figured she needed to know about my worries if she’s going to be their teacher.”

“You don’t need to worry about Susannah. She’s not one to go blabbing about private things.” Daad’s voice was a low bass rumble. He shifted position on the chair, and Toby suspected the heavy cast on his leg was troubling him.

“She’s a fine teacher,” Mamm said warmly. “Look how patient she was with that boy of Harley Esch’s when he had trouble learning. And now he’s reading just as well as can be, his mamm told me. She can’t say enough about Teacher Susannah.”

“I’m glad to know it. I hope she does as well with William and Anna.” Toby raised his gaze to the ceiling, hoping that William wasn’t upstairs giving his young aunt any trouble.

“Ach, you’re worrying too much.” His mother patted his shoulder, fondly letting her hand rest there. “You’ll see. Just being here with family is going to do them a world of good. And Susannah will help them, too.”

Toby nodded, smiling, and wished he could share her confidence. The thing he couldn’t talk about, never even thought about if he could help it, reared its ugly head.

If he hadn’t rushed into marriage with Emma, if he had been a better husband, if he had been able to love her as much as he should have...

Once started, that train of thought could go on and on. He had to stop before the burden of guilt grew too heavy to carry.

“We’ve been fortunate to have Susannah settle in and teach for over ten years,” Mamm said. “It’s not often that a teacher stays so long. Usually just when they have experience, they up and get married—” She stopped abruptly, maybe thinking she was getting into rocky territory.

Was he the reason Susannah had never married? If so, he’d done even more harm than he’d known.

“I hear James Keim is saying she’s been there too long,” Daad commented, stretching his good leg.

Toby frowned. “Who is James Keim, and why would he be saying something like that?”

“Ach, I’m sure he means no harm,” Mamm said quickly. “He and his family moved here from Ohio a couple of years ago, and he’s certain sure interested in the school. He was even willing to serve on the school board.”

That didn’t really answer his question. “Why would he say something negative about Susannah?”

“Well, now, we don’t know for sure that he did,” Daad said in his calm way. He sent a quelling glance toward Mamm. “It was gossip, when all’s said and done. But supposedly he thinks the school would be better off with a new, young teacher, someone closer to the students in age.”

“That’s nonsense.” Toby’s tone was so sharp that both his parents looked at him. He shrugged. “I mean, it seems silly to think of getting rid of a good teacher for a reason like that. Like Mamm said, the more experience a teacher has, the better.”

Toby wondered to himself, where had that come from, that protective surge of feeling for Susannah? And more important, what was he going to do about it?

Chapter Three (#ulink_fc878f40-8521-52f7-8fba-7fd299d46157)

When Susannah took her scholars outside for recess, she had a moment to assess William and Anna’s first day of school. It would be hard to forget, since Anna was still clinging firmly to her skirt.

Normally, Susannah might opt to stay inside during recess and prepare for the next class, but her helper today was Mary Keim, and she suspected Mary wasn’t ready to be left alone with the kinder yet. She studied the girl’s face for a moment, searching for some sign that Mary actually wanted to be helping at the school. She couldn’t find one. Mary stood pressed against the stair railing, not venturing toward the swings and seesaws, which occupied most of the children. She seemed afraid to move.

Susannah bit back a wave of exasperation. She rather expected this withdrawal from shy little Anna on her first day at a new school. She would think that sixteen-year-old Mary might have a bit more confidence.

“You don’t need to stay here with me, Mary. Why don’t you play catch with the older children? Or you can push some of the young ones on the swings.”