A Soldier's Journey

He looked at her with those clear blue eyes. He seemed to be saying, “I’m here now. You’re not alone.”

Not alone. Then, why did she feel she was? Nate Rowland seemed nice enough. But he was a stranger, and she intended to keep him that way.

He’d looked Western inside and out with his hard, lean build, plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, worn jeans and boots. His hair was a little long and looked as if it had been combed with his fingers, and his eyes were a cool hazel. His hand had been hard with calluses.

Jared’s hands had been so different. His fingers had been long and smooth and supple, as if designed to perform the most delicate and precise surgery. His dark eyes were always intense...

Don’t! Don’t do this! She filled her lungs with fresh air and the rich smell of pine. She swallowed hard. Joseph nudged her again, and she reached out and scratched behind his ears. He was a dog. A smart one, but could he really read her mind?

She hadn’t had a nightmare or panic attack since the third night at Karen’s ranch, but then that had been only a few days ago. Her problem was she never knew when they would strike. That uncertainty kept her from searching out a nonsurgical nursing position.

Rested, she looked at the towering mountains in the other direction. Snow-covered peaks glistened in the noon sun. How she wished Jared could see it, too.

She could almost hear his voice. Live, sweetheart. Live for me.

He wouldn’t be happy with the way she had closed herself off from life.

And yet pain was a living thing inside her. It had been for months. She couldn’t let go of it. She didn’t want to let it go. It would be a betrayal of those who died that day. But maybe here—away from the military and everything that reminded her of her former life—maybe she could manage it. Maybe she could take pleasure in a deep blue sky and a fresh breeze without feeling guilty.

She started down the mountain. The path was well trod but steep. She had to concentrate on every step—a good thing, in her mind. She was winded when she reached the bottom. She remembered when she could run ten miles without breathing hard.

But that was a lifetime ago. Now she had to face new challenges. She only hoped she could.

CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_4f902a7c-fcb7-5576-a36d-86bb1dd30363)

ONCE BACK IN the cabin, Andy decided to explore. She’d had very little sleep last night, but she hated the very thought of sleep these days. Too many nightmares.

She was curious about Covenant Falls now. Curious about the cabin and its owner and past occupants. She’d been stationed in Texas and had visited Colorado during leaves, but she’d never heard of Covenant Falls. She wanted to know more about her mysterious benefactor who would offer a very comfortable cabin to a stranger.

She checked out the kitchen fridge and cupboard. As Mr. Rowland said, both were filled. There was a small room in back with a washer and dryer.

Then she went through the living room to a large bedroom. The bed was a double and looked comfortable. The headboard faced a window that framed large pine trees. The bathroom was medium size with a large walk-in shower.

Then she inspected the desk in the second bedroom, which apparently served as an office and library. She found pens and notebooks, along with reams of paper as well as stacks of books. She carried a notebook and a couple of pens into the living room and settled in a big comfortable chair.

She started writing, making notes about Dr. Payne, Karen Conway and Nate Rowland and what she knew about them. Impressions, really. It had been a habit of hers since she left home for college.

There had been so many new people, and notes helped her to remember them all. She turned the notes into journals when she went on active duty. There had been so much to see and remember.

She hadn’t written anything since the attack, nor had she ever asked about the journals or her other property left in Afghanistan. She hadn’t wanted anything. They had been stored with other items in a storage unit near the base. There had been so much about Jared in the last one, and she couldn’t bear to read it.

When she finished, she turned on the television and ran through the stations, stopping only at a news channel when she heard a commentator mention Afghanistan. More troops were pulling out. Her team had been among the last medical teams remaining. The rest of the unit had probably been dismantled after the attack.

Just the thought of Afghanistan sent familiar images swirling through her head: the day she had arrived at the forward base, the first time she’d met Jared, the last time she had seen him. Blood had been everywhere then...

Joseph moved closer to her, nudged her and made guttural sounds in his throat. She assumed that was his way of reassuring her. “It’s okay,” she said and rubbed his ears. The guttural sounds turned into something more like a purr.

Andy turned the television off and looked at the clock. Just after noon.

She should fix lunch. She wasn’t hungry, but she needed to eat. She was foraging in the fridge when the phone rang.

“Hi” came the cheerful voice on the phone when she picked it up. “I’m Eve Manning. I hope I’m not intruding, but I wanted to make sure you had everything you need. I would have been there to meet you, but I had a meeting in town.”

“Mr. Rowland was very helpful,” Andy replied.

“Are you up to a visit? And don’t be polite.”

Andy hesitated. It was the last thing she wanted. She was tired and tense from the drive. She had met one stranger, had imagined his unsaid questions. She didn’t want more. But the caller was the mayor, and Andy had accepted use of her husband’s cabin. She sighed. Maybe coming here hadn’t been the best idea.

But then she probably couldn’t sleep, either. “That would be fine,” Andy said, hoping the delay in her reply didn’t say more than her actual words.

“Would one be okay? I can take you to Maude’s or we can stay at the cabin. You decide.”

She needed to get out. She knew that. She couldn’t retreat into a safe place again, as she had done with the hospital. She had taken one step forward in coming here. It was time to take another. “Mr. Rowland mentioned Maude’s.”

“Good. I can show you around town. I have to warn you, though, that everyone will want to meet you. They mean well, but they sort of take vets under their collective wing whether or not you want to be there.”

“I’m warned,” Andy replied.

“Nate also said you have a dog,” Eve said.

“Yes, Joseph. He’s a service dog, although not the kind that can go in restaurants.” Apparently the law only permitted dogs for physically handicapped vets.

“Here he can,” the mayor said. “Maude has a soft spot for dogs, and the mayor’s just fine with it. Your predecessors both take their dogs inside.”

“Then, I will,” Andy said. “We’re new to each other and this is a strange place for him.” For both of us.

“You’ll have to introduce him to my crew,” Eve said.

“Crew?”

“Five dogs,” she said. “And a cat.” She hesitated, then added, “Well, one is strictly my husband’s. Amos was a military dog and highly disciplined. The rest of my group are rather unruly.”

“Sounds...interesting.”

“Terrifying sometimes. I’ll be there at one.”

The phone clicked off.

Andy took a deep breath. Had she done the right thing in agreeing to go to a public place? What if she had a panic attack? She knew, though, she had to get busy doing something or she could sink back in inertia.

“What do you think, Joseph?” Despite her vow to the contrary, she found herself talking to Joseph often.

Joseph stared at her with those penetrating blue eyes. He barked.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said. She filled Joseph’s water dish, then went into the bedroom. She opened the duffel and took out a sweater and a clean pair of jeans and headed for the shower.

* * *