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The Crash of Hennington

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2018
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—Yes, get on with it.

—Is that Max isn’t here because his little girl is sick. None of these people are really here to see him anyway. They all want to hobnob with me.

—I know that’s my preference.

—So Max gets sympathy points for brave single fatherhood, as well as for having his priorities straight.

—His priorities straight? What if a tidal wave is heading for the city but Max’s daughter has a little cough?

—It’s a different time now, Archie.

—The second time I’ve heard that inside of five minutes.

—Only because it’s true.

—Is it?

—Yes. We’ll have an in absentia fundraiser. It’ll be the talk of the town.

—It might be the talk of a very, very dull town, but even only there if it was the first time it had happened.

—The last time was my fault. A head of state had died. I had to send a representative.

—Poppycock. Oh, God bless you, Albert.

—That ought to smooth the evening out a bit.

—So, I’m an alcoholic, now, am I?

—Isn’t that really something for you to decide for yourself?

—Why did you marry this man again?

—He has an enormous penis.

—So ‘it’s not the size that counts’ has been a lie all along?

—'Fraid so.

—Bring me another, then, and let’s get this thing over with.

—Champagne?

—What I’m concerned about is the Bondulay creeping into our schools if he’s elected.

—What do you get when you cross a Rumour with an octopus?

—I think he’s very handsome.

—Harold, please. This is neither the time nor the place.

—I don’t think his race is an issue at all.

—Do you have any Cluvot?

—I’ve heard he’s part of the Rumour Underground.

—Creeping how?

—Oh, please, he hasn’t looked at a woman since his fiancée died.

—I don’t know but it sure can pick a head of lettuce.

—That doesn’t mean he won’t ever.

—Any what?

—Oh, you know how they are.

—Oh, yawn. Everyone knows that doesn’t exist.

—It sure doesn’t seem to be.

—Harold!

—'They'?

—I think he’s wrapped up in being a father.

—Oh, sure, you act shocked now, but you’ll be laughing on the car ride home.

—They call it a cultural experience and then suddenly we’re all listening to their music.

—And she’s such a sweet little girl, too.

—Secret societies control all centres of government.

—Cluvot. It’s from the North.

—I wonder what he looks like naked.

—I most certainly will not.

—What does that have to do with religion?

—He’s Rumour, so probably a hairy chest.

—And you’ll be telling everyone you know at the office tomorrow.
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