Red Leaves

He waved at her impatiently. ‘Fahrenbrae is too close to here. We can go far into Canada for a few long days. We’ll go sledding. Remember how much you like sledding?’

‘Sure, I remember,’ Kristina said, getting weaker, the fight sinking out of her. ‘God, we just can’t.’

‘Rock, stop,’ he said kindly, keeping his arm around her. Keeping her to him. ‘Stop fighting me.’

‘It’s just a holiday,’ she said.

He was not easily dissuaded, but he took his arm away.

‘This is no good,’ Kristina said with a miserable, hollow laugh.

‘I agree,’ he said. ‘What do you think we should do? Stop?’

‘Yes,’ she said immediately and laughed mirthlessly.

‘Oh, Kristina. Oh, Kristina! How many times a year do you think we can continue having this conversation?’

‘Until we stop.’

‘Well, gee,’ he said. ‘I don’t exactly remember you saying that this morning at Fahrenbrae.’

‘The hills were too beautiful,’ she replied quietly, with emotion in her voice. ‘You were too beautiful.’

He leaned into her face. ‘I’m not beautiful now?’ he asked softly.

She averted her eyes. ‘Too beautiful.’

They were silent. She imagined going to Canada with him.

‘Albert, I know you agree with me. We have to stop. We have to get sane. You go with Conni. I go with Jim -’ Kristina stopped. ‘Or not. But whatever. Go our separate ways.’

‘We’ve done this before. It didn’t work. I don’t know how to get sane.’ He paused. ‘Do you? I didn’t think so. We’re just crazed all the time.’

Her mouth was dry when she whispered, ‘Yeah, crazed.’

‘Crazed!’ he exclaimed. Grabbing her, he pulled her close to him on the bed. ‘Rocky, why are you doing this to me? Why do you do this to me all the time?’ he said hotly, feverishly kissing her open lips, his hands gripping her wrists so tight it hurt.

She shut her eyes and pulled his head into her face, closer, if that were possible, into her, his lips overwhelming hers, pushing them apart with their intensity, their violence.

She groaned, moaned under his arms. He pushed her down on the bed. ‘Kristina,’ he whispered. ‘What are we going to do?’

Her only response was a stifled, raspy moan. Albert pulled her up to lift her pink tank top and expose her breasts, and then pushed her back down on the bed again. She whispered. ‘We’re going to go a little crazy. And then we’re going to escape forever.’

‘Escape?’ he whispered into her mouth, grinding against her with the hardness in his jeans, hurting her, making her ache and moan with pain and desire. He was grinding as if he were trying to push himself whole inside her. ‘Escape? What are you talking about? There is no escape.’

‘Sweet hell,’ she whispered. ‘Almost like heaven.’ His big hand covered her mouth roughly. ‘I don’t want to be damned,’ she said through his closed fingers. She wanted to cry.

He bent down to her breast, putting her nipple between his teeth. She stroked his arms, his head, his hair, his face. ‘Kristina, Kristina,’ he whispered back. ‘We’re not damned. We’re in love.’

‘No,’ she moaned as his hands moved down to her thighs. ‘We’re damned.’

She arched her back to help him take off her panties.

He pulled himself back up to her face and kissed her lips. ‘Rocky, darling,’ he said. ‘Rocky, Kristina, Rocky…’

‘Oh, Albert,’ Kristina whispered. ‘Please… please… let’s stop.’

He pulled back for a moment, to look at her, his hands near her face and neck. ‘How can I stop?’ he whispered fiercely.

‘How can I when you make me so fucking weak, I can’t see straight…’

When he pulled off his jeans and she reached down to feel him, he was ready for her. She moaned softly into his neck, and he breathed hard, clutching her with his hands, propping himself up, one hand underneath her back, thrusting into her.

A knock on the door stopped them.

‘Kristina?’

It was Conni.

Kristina instantly fell silent and put her hand over Albert’s mouth, whose heavy belabored breath continued to be the only sound in the room.

The knock came again. ‘Kristina, I’m looking for Albert. You know where he is?’

Kristina held her breath, held Albert with her arms, and then let out, ‘Conni? No, I don’t see him. Listen, it’s real late.’

The doorknob turned.

‘Could you open the door, please?’ Conni said impatiently.

‘Conn, I’m so tired, I can’t see straight,’ said Kristina, as she stifled Albert’s moan. ‘I’m half asleep,’ Kristina finished, finding his mouth with her hand. ‘I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?’

‘Could you just open the door for a second? I need to talk to you.’

‘Conni, tomorrow, okay?’

Conni banged loudly on the door. ‘No, it’s not okay, Kristina. No it’s not okay. Open the door.’

‘Conni, leave me alone, will you? I had a long day. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

Conni continued to bang on the door and carry on, but Albert and Kristina stopped listening. Albert turned Kristina over. Kristina put her face in the pillow to muffle her sounds. She felt Albert’s hand in the back of her head, pushing her face into the pillow, his body hard behind her.

But Conni’s banging and yelling did not subside.

Finally, Kristina heard someone out in the hall telling Conni to shut the hell up or they would call security. Conni wouldn’t stop. A few minutes later somebody came to the door and asked Conni to come away. She refused. The security man knocked on the door and asked Kristina to open it. By this time Albert and Kristina were spent. Albert’s hands were stroking her, caressing her. He blew on her perspired face to cool her.

Kristina told the security man she was trying to sleep, wasn’t well, and wasn’t dressed. Eventually he led Conni away.

Later when they were lying next to each other in the little bed, Kristina said quietly, ‘God, Albert, we can’t live like this.’