The Tiger Catcher

“As long as it’s ‘that’s incredible, Jules, congratulations,’ yes.”

Ashton was silent.

Julian waited. “Come on. I gotta go soon.” He didn’t want her waiting for him alone in that parking lot at the Greek. It wasn’t safe.

“You’re going to ask her to marry you?”

“I’m trying to find the perfect moment, but yes.”

“How about three years from now?”

“Not helping, Ashton.”

“What kind of help are you looking for? Do you want to practice your moves on me? Or do you want my advice?”

Julian studied Ashton’s face. They had spent so many years together, living and working together, drinking, traveling, meeting women together, that Julian didn’t need long to know how Ashton felt about anything. And most of the time, Ashton was the most chill, sunny guy despite coming from a disastrous childhood, the kind of childhood that made you question the point of existence itself. So when Julian saw the worry on his friend’s face, the tension around the normally relaxed mouth, the darkened indigo rings around the light eyes, when he caught sight of the long shadow of anxiety in Ashton’s expression, Julian couldn’t continue to press him. He was going to have a hard enough time with his family, considering they’d never met Josephine and thought he was still with Gwen.

“I just want you to be happy for me, Ash.”

“I know that’s what you want.” He said nothing else.

Sighing, Julian picked up his beer. “You don’t like her.”

“I don’t know her. That’s my problem.”

“You’re right. That’s your problem.”

“Not just mine.”

“I know her,” Julian said. “And you will get to know her. And when you get to know her, you’ll love her.”

“Yeah.”

“You think I’m moving too fast?”

“Among a thousand things. And I don’t think it. It’s fact.”

“What else?”

“Are you sure it’s love?”

“Excuse me?”

“Have you considered the possibility that it might be something else?” Ashton said. “Something as pleasing but more misleading.”

“Stop it.” Julian gulped his beer.

“Do you even know the difference between love and sex?”

“Do you?”

“I’m not getting hitched, am I?”

“You want to know what the difference is?” Julian said. “Nobody dies for sex.”

“Oh boy. It’s already like that, is it. Also not true. The male praying mantis dies for sex. That’s his whole life. Dying for sex.” Ashton tutted. “What do your parents think? I can’t imagine your mother approves.” He paused for Julian’s reply, in a way that suggested he already knew there wouldn’t be any. “Have they even met her?” There was another pause. “Sweet God, Jules, do they even know about her?”

Julian refused to return Ashton’s incredulous stare.

“Tell me, when were you planning to tell your mother?” Ashton said. “When she received your wedding invitation in the mail?”

“If you’re like this, how do you think she’s going to be?”

“What does that tell you?”

“That no one understands or cares about a single fucking thing.”

“Yes,” Ashton said, “that’s me.”

Julian regrouped, lowered his voice. “Okay, but then why are you being like this?”

“I can’t fathom,” Ashton said. “Have you told Riley?”

“You two just came back from Cabo! And I’m hardly going to tell her before you. Plus I know what she’ll say. She’ll tell me to eat more yellow food like bananas and pineapples to balance the fire in my life.”

“Maybe you should listen to her for once,” Ashton said. “What’s the rush, Jules? I don’t get it. Did you knock her up or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“So why not wait? If it’s real, it will stand the test of a few …”

“You want me to jump through your arbitrary hoops? And wait for what? You said stand the test of a few … few what?”

“Parsecs,” Ashton said. The stress in Ashton’s shoulders did not recede despite the joke. “What happened to being spooked by commitment?”

“It’s not the commitment,” Julian said. “It’s the girl.”

“Did no one tell this girl that if she wants to make it in show business, she should never get married?”

“I certainly hope not.”

“Where’s your common sense?” asked Ashton. “You didn’t always have it, but you got it the old-fashioned way. You bought it with your life.” He took a breath. “You’re careful, meticulous with time, reliable, trustworthy. You’re not impulsive. You don’t do things like this. It’s not you. It’s not even the old you.”

“Ashton, but she’s the one!”

All his friend said was, “The one what.”

Julian fell back on the bar stool. “Is that why you were such a jerk the other day?”