Дживс, вы – гений! / Thank you, Jeeves!

“I hate beds,” I said. “Can’t stand them. Never could.”

“Very good, sir.” He paused a moment. “Quite a warm day today, sir.”

“Quite.”

“Yes, sir. Good night, sir.”

“Good night, Sergeant.”

“Good night, sir.”

“Good night, Constable.”

“Good night, sir.”

The door closed softly. And not ten minutes after I had decided that I should never get to sleep again in this world I was off as comfortably as a babe.

It couldn’t last long, of course. The next thing I remember is someone joggling my arm.

I sat up. There was the good old lantern once more.

“Now, listen—” I was beginning, when the words froze on my lips.

The fellow who was joggling my arm was Chuffy.

9

Lovers’ Meetings

I just sat goggling at him, wondering how he had got there.

Chuffy was bending over me, in the background I could see Sergeant Voules. What had become of Constable Dobson, I did not know. Maybe he was dead.

“It’s all right, Bertie,” said Chuffy soothingly. “It’s me, old man.”

“I found his lordship by the side of the harbour,” explained the sergeant.

“The sergeant was worried about you, Bertie. He thought your manner was strange. So he brought me along to have a look at you. Very sensible of you, Voules.”

“Thank you.”

“You couldn’t have done a wiser thing.”

“Thank you.”

“Something went wrong, old chap,” said Chuffy gently, “didn’t you? If you are sleeping out here.”

“Why shouldn’t I sleep out here?”

I saw Chuffy and the sergeant exchange glances.

“But you’ve got a bedroom, old fellow. You’ve got a nice bedroom, haven’t you? It is more convenient to sleep in your cozy little bedroom.”

“There’s a spider in my bedroom.”

“A spider, eh? Pink?”

“Pinkish.”

“With long legs?”

“Very long legs.”

“And hairy?”

“Very hairy.”

Chuffy grinned in a most unpleasant manner and, rising, drew Sergeant Voules aside and addressed a remark to him,

“It’s all right, Sergeant. Nothing to worry about. He’s simply drunk.”

“Is that so?” said Sergeant Voules. And his voice was the voice of a sergeant to whom all things have been made clear.

“That’s all that’s the trouble. Completely drunk. You notice the glassy look in the eyes[69 - glassy look in the eyes – пустой взгляд]?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’ve seen him like this before. Once, after a party at Oxford, he insisted that he was a mermaid and wanted to dive into the college fountain and play the harp there.”

“Young gents will be young gents,” said Sergeant Voules in a tolerant and broad-minded manner[70 - broad-minded manner – широта взглядов].

“We must put him to bed.”

I jumped up. Horror-stricken. Trembling like a leaf.

“I don’t want to go to bed!”

Chuffy stroked my arm soothingly.

“It’s all right, Bertie. Quite all right. We understand. No wonder you were frightened. Beastly great spider. Enough to frighten anyone. But it’s all right now. Voules and I will come up to your room with you and kill it. You aren’t scared of spiders, Voules?”

“No.”

“You hear that, Bertie? Voules will stand by you. Voules can tackle any spider[71 - can tackle any spider – может справиться с любым пауком]. How many spiders did you kill India, Voules?”

“Ninety-six.”

“Big ones, if I remember rightly?”