Time Fuse

Back in her flat that evening some impulse she couldn’t contain led her to study her features carefully in her bedroom mirror. What had Piers seen there that had led him to make his accusations? A formidable man the Judge had called him; for formidable she would have said diabolical Selina thought mentally. Even now hours after her encounter with him her pulses still fluttered at the thought of him, her mind and body unable to relax from the turmoil he had caused, and she for the space of one heartbeat had been in real danger of succumbing to him, of forgetting everything she had learned during her life and responding to his kiss… It would never happen again. Maybe the Judge had been right and she had been wrong to react as she had done in the restaurant, but even then her body had been sending her signals that had terrified her and she had reacted instinctively, too frightened by them to use reason and logic.

For some reason that evening she found it impossible to settle. Normally she enjoyed the quiet hours of solitude in her flat. After the hectic bustle of her foster parents home, where, despite their kindness, she had never felt she fitted in, she had come to relish the peace and quiet of her own home. The books she had collected at Oxford lined her bookshelves; the antique dresser she had found at a country market and lovingly restored holding her china and few little treasures. Her flat was in a large old house with a pleasant garden which she shared with the other tenants, most of whom she knew to say good morning to but very little else. That was the way she had wanted her life, free of complications; of people who might ask questions and force her to lie.

At university she had dreamed that somehow she might be able to follow in her father’s footsteps, but of course it had been impossible. One needed financial backing to train as a barrister, something she did not have, and although her tutor had suggested a legal career in industry she had not been interested. Without a proper legal training she would always have remained in a junior position in a large department. That wasn’t what she wanted. The law courts, the Inns of Temple, the measured, controlled world of the law; that was where she had set her sights. That was why she had settled for jobs for which she was desperately over-qualified because at least then she was breathing in the atmosphere she craved.

All through her teens she had been consumed by a desperate need to prove to the father who had rejected her what he lost in doing so. As she grew older those dreams had faded, reality taking their place, and yet she had no more been able to resist the temptation to apply for her present job, knowing it would bring her into close contact with her father, than she had been able to resist Piers’ kiss.

Working closely with her father was a bitter-sweet experience. She had long ago abandoned her adolescent dreams of winning his admiration and love and even her resentment over the way she had been rejected had eased, but there was still a measure of pain in seeing and knowing him when he did not know her.

She was glad of the weekend, because it gave her time to relax and unwind, but on Sunday morning when Susan Seaton rang and invited her over for lunch, Selina was ready to admit that for once she had had enough of her own company.

As she had half-anticipated the Seatons had several other guests. Susan Seaton, used to the demands of a large family, enjoyed entertaining, and Selina found herself chatting to an attractive older woman who also appeared to be on her own.

‘Since Susan is too busy to introduce us, we had better perform that task for ourselves. I’m Dulcie Gresham,’ she told Selina.

With a small start of shock, Selina acknowledged the introduction. ‘Selina Thorn,’ she told her companion, suddenly wishing she was talking to anyone other than this woman. Now that she knew her name it was impossible not to recognise her as Piers’ mother. It was from her that he had inherited his dark hair and his navy-blue eyes, although in his mother they were softer, more compassionate.

‘Goodness, what a coincidence,’ she exclaimed warmly, ‘You’re my brother’s new PA, aren’t you? But then of course, not so much of a coincidence really is it, because the legal world is a very close-knit one and of course, you did work for the Judge previously. How are you enjoying working for Gerald, or would you rather not say?’

‘I’m enjoying it,’ Selina told her truthfully. ‘It’s very different from working for the Judge of course, but then I was ready for a change.’

‘Yes, my son tells me you’re extremely highly qualified. Have you never thought of the bar as a career for yourself?’

His looks weren’t the only thing he had inherited from his mother Selina thought wryly. Although it was less abrasive in Dulcie Gresham, Selina could see where her son got his sharp intelligence from.

Almost as though she sensed her hesitation her interrogator’s manner softened, a wry smile curving her mouth. ‘Forgive me, I’m afraid at times I do sound rather like the cross examination. Years of living with lawyers I’m afraid. My late husband was a barrister as well. In fact I should very much have liked a career at the bar myself—I find it fascinating even now, but of course in those days…’

Charmed against her will Selina heard herself admitting. ‘I should have liked to make a career in law, but after university there just weren’t the funds.’

Her companion’s expression was instantly apologetic. ‘My dear, how crass of me, I am sorry. Of course, it is an expensive career to train for, but you are enjoying working as my brother’s PA. His chambers have an excellent reputation and you will find yourself involved in all manner of fascinating cases I am sure. How did you get to hear about the job? I didn’t think Gerald intended to advertise it until later in the year. He suffered a slight heart attack just before Christmas you know and Mary, his wife, and I prevailed upon him with my son’s assistance to get himself some more help at the office.’

Was she being subjected to a subtle investigation Selina wondered? But no, she was being unduly suspicious. Even if Piers Gresham had confided to his mother his suspicions of her, it was taking coincidence too far to believe that the older woman had come to this luncheon partly purely to question her.

‘The Judge mentioned it,’ Selina said truthfully. ‘He knows of my fascination with that side of the law, and he thought it might be an ideal position for me.’ What she couldn’t say was the heart-searching she had endured just after the Judge had dropped his bombshell. Here it was, being dropped right into her lap; just the sort of opportunity she had dreamed about as an adolescent. The chance to meet and get to know her father. However, her own strong moral code had made her question the wisdom of trying for the job. If her identity was discovered it would lead to unpleasantness; working for her father was probably only likely to cause heartache to herself as well.

She had long ago abandoned her childhood fantasies of a loving, caring father, and yet the reality of working for him, knowing that he was sublimely indifferent to her existence might be more than she could cope with. In the end, though, the temptation had proved too great, and she had not been able to resist.

‘I’m sorry.’ Selina came out of her reverie to realise that her company had been saying something, and that she was now regarding her with a faintly quizzical expression. ‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised again, colouring faintly. ‘I’m afraid, I didn’t…’

‘I was just remarking that Harry Frobisher is looking over this way rather a lot. Do you know him?’

Harold Frobisher was a young solicitor whose father had been a friend of the Judge’s. Selina didn’t particularly like him. He was a slick, sharp young man who was overfond of touching her when she would have preferred him not to.

‘Slightly.’ Her response was guarded and again Dulcie Gresham smiled. ‘I quite agree,’ she said lightly. ‘Not a particularly attractive young man. Do you have a boyfriend, Selina? I may call you Selina, mayn’t I?’

‘Please do. No…not at the moment.’

‘Very wise. A pretty girl like you should take her time before deciding to settle down.’

Selina saw the Seatons making their way towards them and smiled warmly, unaware that Dulcie Gresham was watching her until she said in a thoughtful voice. ‘Do you know, Selina, you remind me of someone, but I cannot for the life of me think who it is.’

Selina was glad that she was looking away, otherwise she might have betrayed herself completely. Cold fingers of fear clutched at her heart. Dear God, don’t let her realise the truth, she prayed… She couldn’t bear to be revealed here, publicly, before the Seatons whom she respected and liked so much, as the daughter of the woman who had caused so great a scandal in their small circle.

For once fate seemed to be on her side. The Seatons reached them, Susan hugging her warmly while the Judge kissed Dulcie’s cheek.

‘I can see that you’ve introduced yourselves to each other. I take it that Piers couldn’t make it, Dulcie?’ Susan released Selina to question her friend.

‘Other commitments I’m afraid,’ Dulcie confirmed. ‘But he does send his apologies and he will be calling to collect me later. An urgent brief that needed studying.’

‘Yes, it will be the Mountford case,’ the Judge interrupted. ‘I heard they wanted him for that. Unusual for him to take on a divorce though, isn’t it?’

‘He and John Mountford were at school together, and there’s rather a lot of money at stake as well as his two children. Divorce is the least appealing side of the law isn’t it?’ Dulcie said to Selina. ‘When he was first training for the bar Piers worked for a firm of divorce lawyers. In many ways I blame that period for the cynicism I see in him now. You’ve met my son, Selina?’

‘Yes, briefly.’ She wouldn’t have said anything more, but the Judge overheard them and laughed. ‘I should say so, Dulcie, I was privileged to witness her giving that son of yours a most definite put-down.’ He went on to quickly explain what had happened, making the small incident seem far more dramatic than it had actually been. ‘I warned her that Piers wouldn’t take too kindly to her rebuff,’ he concluded smiling at Selina.

‘Henry, you’re embarrassing Selina,’ Susan Seaton told her husband chidingly.’ He was using a little of his court room licence there, Dulcie, I’m afraid,’ she told her friend. ‘All Selina did was refuse Piers’ invitation to dance. After all he was with another girl at the time,’ she added.

‘Yes, I’m afraid my son is inclined to behave rather cavalierly when the mood takes him. A result of losing his father at a very impressionable age. Fortunately my brother stepped in before too much damage was done, but Piers had inherited more than his fair share of the Harvey pig-headedness. Gerald has at least learned to temper his a little, although it’s still there, witness the battle we had to get him to employ an assistant. I shudder to think what would happen if he and Piers ever really clashed.’

As the Seaton’s maid appeared at that moment to announce lunch the conversation came to a close. Selina found to her dismay that she was seated next to Harry; and moreover that he was intent on making himself as obnoxious as possible.

‘How about letting me take you out to dinner tonight?’ he invited when she had removed his hand from her knee for the third time. ‘I know this little place…’

‘Thank you, but I already have a date.’ It was Selina’s stock-in-trade lie, which she had found far more effective than an outright refusal.

‘Have you indeed?’ Interest sharpened the dark eyes. ‘Well, well and I thought you were quite the little hermit. Anyone I know?’ The question was asked casually, but Selina felt his tension. Ever since she had first been introduced to him two years ago Harry had been trying to persuade her to go out with him. Although she didn’t have much contact with the other secretaries and staff who worked for men in the close-knit circle of which the Judge was a part, she had heard various rumours that Harry considered himself something of a Don Juan.

Unlike Piers Gresham he did not possess that aura of intense masculine sexuality which she found so frightening, and because of it he was much easier to deal with. Even so she was relieved when the end of the meal released her from his company.

‘Harry proving rather over-amorous?’ Dulcie Gresham asked sympathetically joining Selina over by one of the windows. ‘That young man really does lack manner I’m afraid.’

‘He’ll soon weary of the chase,’ the Judge comforted Selina. ‘He lacks staying power—unlike some I could name,’ he added to Dulcie with a chuckle. ‘Now I couldn’t see that son of yours letting anything stop him getting something he wanted.’

‘Umm…’ A little to Selina’s surprise, her response was not totally approving. ‘I’m afraid that Piers still has to learn to temper his judgments with compassion, and I think one or two set-backs might just hasten that process. Although in many ways his determination is an asset, in others it isn’t. It gives him the power to overcome those who are weaker than him too easily—not always a good thing.’

The Seatons excused themselves to chat to their other guests and as though sensing Selina’s surprise, Dulcie Gresham said humorously, ‘Did you expect me to be a totally doting mother? Well, in many ways I am, but my love for him doesn’t blind me entirely to Piers’ faults. I don’t know if you’re aware of it or not, but my brother suffered a most appalling scandal when he was younger. Piers was eight at the time and adored my brother.’ A frown touched Dulcie Gresham’s expertly made up face. ‘It didn’t help that Piers had been involved in the scandal—whether by accident or design I do not know—in that the woman concerned had visited him at school with my brother. I was away in the States at the time. Although Piers never really talked much about it, I suspect he suffered a feeling of betrayal. My brother was his God in many ways…and I think he felt that he’d been used. However, that’s all water under the bridge now, but I have the sneaky feeling that Piers transferred all the bad feelings he felt from my brother to his woman friend. Certainly he treats the majority of our sex with a cynicism I find hard not to criticise at times. No doubt he’ll be one of those men who marry late in life; probably a sweet young thing who he’ll always hold at a slight distance. That thought saddens me very much. I had such happiness with his father. Piers tends to dismiss my views as romantic, I know, but he is after all my son, and very much a Harvey. I just hope he doesn’t discover too late that even cynics fall in love.

‘You don’t think I should be telling you all this do you?’ she asked, surprising Selina with her perception. ‘Perhaps not. Certainly Piers would be furious, but Henry was right you know. He won’t take your rejection kindly— Oh I’m not suggesting he’ll take it out on you professionally. He might have faults, but I don’t believe small-mindedness is one of them, but he’s a man who isn’t used to female rejection, Selina, and if you’ll take my advice you’ll tread warily with him. I should hate to see you hurt.’

‘But you hardly know me.’ For once Selina could not disguise her feelings.

The blue eyes so like her son’s softened. ‘Perhaps not, but I feel as though I know you.’

In order to avoid Harry, Selina decided to leave early. She found her hosts deep in conversation with another couple and politely interrupted to say her goodbyes.

‘Selina, you must come round one night next week, and tell us all about your new job,’ the Judge insisted. Promising to do so, she looked round for Dulcie Gresham, but there was no sign of the older woman. Quenching a small stab of disappointment that she had left without seeking her out, Selina went upstairs to claim her coat. She too had felt at ease with her in a way she had never expected; but then of course, she wasn’t simply Piers Gresham’s mother; she was also her aunt. It was like unlocking the door to a hidden pain; the old childish resentment of her father’s legitimate children came gushing back; they had not been rejected by their father; they had not had to endure the taunts of their peers; the knowledge that their mother lived with a succession of men.

Stop it, stop it, she cautioned herself. Encouraging those sort of feelings would cause her nothing but anguish; she had taught herself that long long ago. At university she had realised that she had to disassociate herself from her burden of guilt if she was to live in peace. The guilt was not hers, and surely if she told herself that firmly and often enough, she would come to believe it.