Alfie the Holiday Cat

‘They’re not due for an hour, I’ll go,’ Polly said, making towards the door. I went with her. As she opened the door, we both were taken aback for a moment. Standing on the doorstep was a very glamorous woman, who I first thought was carrying one of those tiny dogs but on closer inspection it was actually a cat. A Persian, I thought, very pretty, but she took one look at me and waved her tail in a hateful way, hissed and started squirming.

‘Chanel darling, behave,’ the woman said as the cat wiggled in her arms. I stood my ground; this was my ground after all.

‘Hello?’ Polly said, looking bemused. The woman was tall, very slim and wearing a dress and really high heels. Her blonde hair was long and very neat and she was wearing make-up. I felt a little sorry for Polly – although she is the most beautiful woman I know, she didn’t look great in an old T-shirt, cropped leggings, her hair piled messily on top of her head and there was no make-up on her face. The cat was as immaculate as her owner but I didn’t like her, she was hostile and, I decided, as she hissed at me again, more than a little bit mean.

‘Sorry, sorry.’ The lady’s voice was confident and a little too loud. ‘Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Andrea. I live next door and, well, I wanted to come and meet you, with Chanel of course. I didn’t realise you had a cat though,’ she said giving me what I can only describe as a ‘look’. It was a bit disdainful.

‘Oh, hi.’ Polly looked at the woman unsurely. ‘Nice to meet you. I’m Polly, this is Alfie. We actually have two cats here,’ she explained.

‘Meow,’ I said, trying to tell Chanel I wasn’t scared of her. She looked at me as if she’d like to kill me.

‘Right, so are you living here now?’ Andrea asked. Her grey eyes narrowed and she tried to peer round the door into the house.

‘No, not exactly. We’ve just arrived but we’re on holiday. It’s a long story.’ Finally Polly found her smile.

‘Right, well no time like the present.’ And somehow Andrea managed to manoeuvre herself around me and Polly and into the house, Chanel still in her arms.

‘Um, everyone else is in the kitchen,’ Polly said, but Andrea had headed that way already.

Claire was sipping coffee, the children were squabbling and Franceska was trying to clean up but she kept tripping over George who was insistently scrabbling around her feet.

‘George, stop,’ she chastised.

‘Children, shush,’ Claire shouted.

‘Um, everyone, hello,’ Polly interrupted. As they all turned to look at Andrea, everyone went quiet. Even George. ‘This is Andrea, she’s our neighbour?’

‘Well yes, I live in the next house to your left, Beach Villa, and I’ve come to welcome you.’ She didn’t sound welcoming. Chanel glared at me and George. George was now still and staring at Chanel, his eyes wide.

‘And you’ve got a cat?’ Aleksy said, looking puzzled. ‘We love cats.’

‘Yes, sorry Chanel is like my baby, my third baby as I have two daughters, but I take her everywhere. I wouldn’t have brought her here if I knew you had cats, she doesn’t care for other felines.’

‘Meow,’ Chanel concurred.

‘Right, well I’m Claire, this is Franceska and these are our array of children.’ Claire smiled, and held out a hand but Andrea was unable to take it because she was still trying to contain a squirming Chanel.

‘Lovely to meet you all. I would stay but I think darling Chanel is a little uncomfortable.’ As Chanel was hissing and wriggling that seemed to be a bit of an understatement.

‘Right,’ Claire said, uncertainly.

‘But I tell you what, I’ll pop back this evening, on my own,’ she glared at me as if it was my fault, ‘with a bottle of something fizzy and we can have a proper chat.’

‘Um?’ Franceska said.

‘Well we are in a total mess, what with builders and everything.’