The Messiah Who Might Have Been

„Please tell me,“ Mila says angrily, „how the hell am I going to raise him? You know perfectly well that I’m single.“ She jumps up and paces nervously around the room, then stops abruptly and hurls her reproach in Olga’s face, as if she were personally responsible: „There’s no one I can count on for help!“

An oppressive pause hangs over us. Mama goes limp, ashamed of her unfounded accusations, and says quietly: „I’m sorry.“

„I understand,“ Olga answers sympathetically and carefully inquires: „Can you at least say who the father is?“

I hold my breath – this is the first time anyone has talked about my father. Up until this time I have only been able to guess whom I owe my life to. Mila avoids giving a direct answer, not wishing to speak candidly:

„What difference does that make? I’m not planning to marry him. It was just a one-night stand. It was my fault – I misjudged the timing and didn’t use protection.“

„Victor?“ Olga asks persistently.

„No, a poet from Moscow,“ Mama answers quickly and elaborates: „From the Youth magazine. Remember when they had that banquet in the student cafeteria after the Day of Poetry?“

„Of course I remember. Slitchenko got drunk and passed out, and they beat him up.“

„That’s not exactly what happened. Schwartz told me about it. When Slitchenko got smashed, they took him outside. He couldn’t even stand up, and the guys dragged him back to the dorm. And then he started yelling: „Filthy Kikes! I’ll kill them all!“ Makhankov lost his temper – he was walking behind him – and gave him a kick in the rear.“