Quarantine. A book of stories and poems

Black sock mask

This plague began in China and spread throughout the world. It looks like a common cold, devours the lungs in the blink of an eye. But in the beginning, as some sources of the ubiquitous Internet say, animals, not people, but rather bats, were sick with it. But since the Chinese eat everything, they immediately became infected with it, and then all of us. Another source claims it is a mutation of the common cold. One way or another, we all sit at home and go out into the street only wearing masks. Masks are made of everything, they say even black socks. Just take a sock, insert the ear straps and you’re done! What? Very simple! The main thing is that the sock is clean! And then just imagine, a smelly sock and even in it all day! What should I do? It was necessary to go to the store urgently, but they were not allowed to go there without a mask. So it is written on the door on a large poster with a blue fountain pen: “Please do not enter without masks!” Well, okay… Do not enter.. so do not enter… I went to another, there the same thing, the same poster with a request. And the downpour on the street is such that it is wet to the skin! I’m healthy here, I started sneezing! How he sneezed! They all jumped aside! The whole crowd scattered in all directions! And then such a policeman approaches, affectionate.. So citizen, why are we without a mask? What? I’m not! He stuck his head into his jacket and sniffed past. I got to the house with bushes and… In short, I took this sock, attached straps to it and… Here it is a mask! What? Fashionable and beautiful! Satisfied with himself, or rather his ingenious resourcefulness, left the house! Yes!!! Munchausen is resting! Where is he up to our Kazakhs! We can’t do it yet! We are, in general, a genius nation! they say the nomads discovered America! Yes! Proud of my ancestors, I went out into the street with my head held high, or rather, with a high freckled nose! I went through nothing at all and then I realized that something was wrong with this mask… The air is different. or something… smelly… So someone sets fire to the garbage dump all the time, maybe that’s why… Look, it smokes with might and main… Whoever sets it on fire, Allah alone knows… Not that scourges scurrying at night there, not that the tenants themselves, that is, the neighbors… Although, the neighbors are unlikely to set fire to. the smoke will stretch straight into their windows, cover the whole house with smog, so much so that call an ambulance. Not. Not the neighbors are setting fire to… Maybe the scavengers? Well, those who take out the trash? Why would they? And in order not to export, do not waste gasoline…

So I went to the store door with such thoughts. At the entrance on a small table stood “Feri” All in my thoughts I silently opened the cap and threw it over my head, then took off my shoes and began to thoroughly wash my hairy, not shaved, like chimpanzee legs, with it. Having wiped them thoroughly, I wanted them already…

– Young man! What are you doing there?! – the stern voice of a satisfied fat aunt made me jump right up to the ceiling.

Stuttering, I looked up from such an important matter and… saw that a decent crowd of onlookers had gathered near me.

– Ah! – I realized – everyone needs to wash… The bathhouse has been closed for the second week and it is not known when it will open, but they will not be allowed in without washing their hands. Damn, what a smell here! Fu!

– Young man! I’ll call the police right now!

There is nothing to do… So almost barefoot, barefooted, he stepped aside, yielding his place to “Feri”. a thin, shaking man entered again, took my place at the “feri” and, having swallowed a couple of drops of its solution, walked by… Without even washing his hands or feet…

Feeling very sterile, I, disdaining, went to the counter. My inquisitive, sharp eye found dirty, muddy stains on the shelves, dirt on the floor, due to the pouring rain… and the ubiquitous fat flies… So fat that you can send them to a barbecue! Why! The Chinese eat all kinds of worms and flies! And why do these creatures, that is, flies, do not die even in such a cold?!

The store is full of products. What bread do you want! I dig deeper, chose a couple of rolls and asked me to wrap them in a bag. Then came out!

Can’t take it anymore! What’s that smell?! Pulling off my “mask”, I greedily gulped in fresh, honey air, which happens only after rain! And then it dawned on me!.. The sock from which I made the mask was from a heap for washing… In a hurry, I took the first thing that comes to hand… This is exactly what it was said in the manual for making: “Take the first thing that comes to you under hand.. “And you can’t take it off now! A little nauseous, the blood is already caked, the brains are boiling! And I still need to go to the bank! I can hardly hear anything…

Reaching the bank by taxi and standing in a long line in the pouring rain again, I finally walked to the table where my aunt was sitting in a muzzle, that is, wearing a mask.

She started asking me something, but I didn’t understand anything. Of everything she said in a low, barely audible voice, and even through the muzzle, she could only make out “Pee Peepy”

“Maybe he wants to go to the toilet, you never know what…” And smiling out loud to her, I wink:

– Well, you go, if you so want, I’ll wait.

To which she glared at me in anger, like the Nightingale the robber or there, Kashchei is the immortal and even louder, as the muzzle only allows, she repeated:

– Pee-pee-peepy!!!

And then I realized what was the matter! Eh! Where ours did not disappear! I pulled a roll of toilet paper out of my bag and smiled, understanding everything. handed it to her, they say, take it, do not hesitate… What is really there,,. anything can happen!

In response, she pulled off her muzzle and, to my surprise, screamed to the whole audience:

– Security! Get this madman out! My strength is gone!

I- What happened? – Asked the guard.

_ – Yes, I ask him, do you have a certificate? Surname name what they say? Open an account or something …? And he sends me three letters, and even shoves a roll of toilet paper in the face! Get him out, or I’ll throw him out of here right now! – the aunt was so angry that her hands were shaking, and her eyes were red and completely out of their sockets, foam was flowing from her mouth and she herself looked like a dog that would now devour me along with giblets. “If it was only one person, I still have a whole queue to eat!” She shouted incessantly.

Before I could say a word, they kicked me out of the bank with a kick in the ass!

Just those times… It’s my fault if I haven’t eaten porridge myself in the morning! He can barely speak… I would say clearly and clearly at once! Come on! Can’t you understand these women!

Soaking wet under the shower, I got to the other mail.

What to do? it must be so. Look, grandmothers, they always hang out in line. Why not me too? Came up, took the line, I’m waiting! I’m waiting for two hours…

Here the sock, that is to say, the muzzle mask, threw out of anger, but then, thinking it over, picked it up and crumpled it up and put it in my pocket.

Two heads in front of them in headscarves fought. One, under the pretext of “asking something,” slipped forward and received her money.

Another caught up with her and grabbed her by the handkerchief, threw her to the ground and began to bludgeon her with all her might.

Everyone stood and no one intervened. Barely breaking free, beaten, with tousled hair, crumpled, in a torn coat and without a mask, unhappy, whining, crawled out of the entrance and walked away. The other, proudly, victoriously, with her head raised high, entered, as if on a throne, and sat down on the only chair. The others stood in silence.

There were no more scenes.

Silently pulling my smelly sock-mask over my face, and barely holding back so as not to pull it straight to the floor, I went to the checkout…

I was standing at the checkout for some business. Recently it became known that the government is handing over 42,500. There were rumors that only those people would be handed over. who worked during the period of the virus. was left out of work, that is, was sent on unpaid leave. And so everyone who worked was served. And this one is correct, the person worked, it doesn’t matter. that he has a salary of 500 thousand, he will receive, and those. those who did not work will continue to live. They lived before and will live on. Since I was unemployed, I didn’t even think about going for benefits. Not allowed. And it’s a shame to ask the government for help. Young, healthy I will somehow live. They even said that those women who are not allowed in the decree, only up to a year… And that’s true. The child is already a year old, you can go to work, and the child will look after himself, he will change his own diapers, and he will make his own porridge! That’s right! So I thought, but my mother persuaded me to apply and I, not even ashamed, went to the bank. And what my surprise was that I, it turns out, am one of the lucky ones who receive, albeit one-time, but help. joyful with such overwhelming news, I caught my fat cat, who was hiding from me, jumping on the refrigerator and staunchly defending myself, as from a fascist, and pulled him out for a walk for the thirtieth time in a day.

—

    © Copyright: Raisa Karimbaeva, 2020
    Certificate of publication No. 220041401850

How I fought with the phone

In a cell phone there is as if some sort of drunken man is sitting as a lord, who does not know Russian and speaks, or rather writes in Chinese. That’s for sure! So, today I wanted to talk to a friend of mine about painful problems. I want to write to her that I am sitting in prose and mail ru. I regularly enter text into the typing window in my phone, gently poking my finger over the letters. Has entered, like everything is correct, checked. Sent. The phone says in a blue square from me: “Rustam otin, male prose, miilya…”

I haven’t read that the smartphone has issued and I’m sitting so smart and smart, until I got confusion from my friend: “What other male prose and Who is Rustam Otin in general? Have you met long ago?”

After reading the message, I quietly fall into horror and slowly slide off my chair… But I myself do not know who Rustam Otin is! I look again at the message and check: suddenly she was mistaken. Not. all right. It turns out I wrote to her, or rather, my phone! What will people think of me now? That I sit all day in male prose with some Rustam Otin?! Reading in men’s magazines! I don’t know him myself! And I don’t look at men’s magazines at all, but I go around them for kilometers! I make excuses, I write that this is a mistake, that this is a telephone… He doesn’t believe.. He giggles… Okay, somehow we’ll digest… I’m trying to change the conversation topic about shopping.

I am writing to her that I will have to send money through Russia. I make sure that there are no incidents. I wrote everything exactly. I poke on the send key. Telephone:

The sixth miiilya Russian yuyuyuyu!!!

Am I so glad I ran six miles?

Yes, I, to be honest, have not been running in the morning for a long time… I even felt ashamed..

Telephone:

– All… glitch-glitch-glitch!!

Like I am swimming somewhere with the same Rustam at sea.

For the last glitch, I was ready to kill this phone at all! But…

Having passed on its last “glue-glue-glue”, the cunning phone lit up with a caustic dark red light, they say it wants to eat, charging is at zero and stalled!

I AM: