The Amish Mother

“What about young Lizzie? She’s been a fine mudder to Abraham’s children. What will happen to her if Zack decides to stay on the farm?” Lizzie knew the identity of the second woman as Martha Yoder.

“Zack will see that she is cared for. He was always a goot boy—I doubt that has changed about him,” Joanna pointed out.

“But the children—

“Zack and Esther are more than capable of taking care of their nieces and nephews.”

“But Lizzie is their brooder’s widow!” Martha exclaimed.

“Ja, but Lizzie has a hindrance. Do you think she can do everything that’s necessary to keep the farm going and take goot care of seven children?”

“That kind of thinking is not the Lord’s way.”

“Ja, I know,” Joanna admitted, “but too often things are as they are anyway.”

The women’s voices faded as they moved out of Lizzie’s hearing. Their words still hurt her as Lizzie turned away from the kitchen, the leftover food platters in her hands forgotten, and nearly collided with someone.

“Lizzie.” Lydia King stood before her, startling her.

“Mam!” Lizzie gasped, nearly dropping the plates in her hands.

Chapter Five (#ulink_6260beff-7e00-51b0-b731-ba687a26e1c7)

“What are you doing here?” Lizzie asked. “I didn’t see you at church service.”

Her mother rubbed her forehead with her fingers. “We just arrived. Went to service at the John Millers’. Then I thought I’d come see my daughter since she doesn’t visit me often enough.”

Lizzie stifled a growing feeling of irritation. She had lost her husband and she was dealing with the farm, the children and the house. Her family lived in another church district but close enough to come to her if they wanted, as they apparently had today. Before Abraham had died, she’d seen them often. Didn’t her mother realize how much she had to cope with?

Lizzie managed a genuine smile. She loved her mother, although Mam had been less affectionate with her than with her brothers and sisters during her childhood. “’Tis goot to see you, Mam.” She glanced behind her mother, looking for her family. “Did Dat come? And William and the others?” She referred to her siblings who still lived at home.

“Ja, the boys are here. Katie stayed at the Yoders’ after service. She’s interested in young Mark.”

Lizzie was glad for her sister, pleased that Katie had chosen to find her own happiness.

“Lizzie, you cannot continue as you have been.” Her mother regarded her with concern. “You need to find a husband, someone to help you with the farm and the children.”

Lizzie disagreed. “My husband passed recently. I’m managing on my own. Did you forget that you were the one who warned me that if I didn’t accept Abraham’s marriage proposal, then I’d never marry?”

Lydia waved her daughter’s concerns aside. “You’ve shown yourself to be a goot wife and mudder. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

Stunned, Lizzie could only stare at her. Who was this person and where was her real mam, the mam who’d hurt her, perhaps unintentionally, with words that made Lizzie realize that her disability bothered her mother? She’d never felt as if Mam accepted her. My limp embarrasses Mam. It was obvious to Lizzie that her mother found it easy to love William, Luke, Katie and her eldest married daughter, Susie. But not me—her crippled daughter. Lizzie hadn’t known her mother’s affection during childhood, and she was afraid to hope for it now.

It wasn’t that her mam wasn’t a kind person, a godly woman who lived by the Ordnung—the rules and religious teachings of the Old Order Amish community. But whether Mam realized it or not, Lizzie felt as though she’d never quite fit in. If not for her brother William, who loved to tease her like he did all of their other siblings, she would have felt completely alone and detached from the family. When her mother had urged her to accept Abraham’s offer of marriage, it had been William who had encouraged her to think about it hard and long and decide for herself what she wanted to do.

“You’ve lost weight,” her mother said.

“I’m eating well. I’ve been busy.”

“Are the children helping out?” Mam asked as she watched Lizzie’s younger children playing in the yard through the window glass.

Lizzie nodded. “They are goot kinner.”

“I can come by to help—”

“I’m fine, Mam, not to worry.” She smiled to take the sting out of the rejection. “We are finding our way together. We just need time.”

“It’s been two months,” her mother pointed out.

“Not long since their vadder’s death,” Lizzie insisted. She was glad to see her mother but wished that things would get easier between them. “You said that William was outside?”

“Ja, he’s talking with Dat and your brooder Luke.”

“I need to take these to the kitchen,” Lizzie said, referring to the dishes she held. The memory of Joanna and Martha’s conversation still stung. She hesitated, wondering if the two gossiping women were still inside.

“I’ll take them,” her mother offered surprisingly. “Go. Visit with your father and brooders.”

After considering her mother’s smiling expression, Lizzie gratefully gave her the plates. “I won’t be long.”

Esther came in from outside. “Lizzie, I’ve brought the rest of your pie—” She stopped abruptly when she saw the woman at Lizzie’s side.

Lizzie felt sure that Mam and Esther hadn’t met. Did Esther sense tension in the air between her and her mother?

Lizzie smiled, but she could tell that her mother was curious; and she didn’t want her mam asking questions. As Zack approached, Lizzie felt her stomach tighten when she saw her mother take a good long look at him.

“Who’s this?” her mother asked, studying the young man. She frowned. “He looks like—”

“Mam, this is Zack Fisher, my late husband’s brooder.”

A gleam of interest entered her mother’s hazel eyes. “You look like him,” she told Zack.

Zack nodded. “You are Lizzie’s mudder.” He eyed Lizzie and turned back to smile at her mam.

Mam nodded. “Lydia King,” she introduced herself.

Afraid of what her mother might say, Lizzie flashed Esther a pleading look.

“Lizzie, Ezekiel is tired and wants to go home. Perhaps we should leave.” Esther gave Lydia an apologetic smile.

“Ja, we should go home,” Zack agreed. “We should tell the children to wait in the buggy.” But still he didn’t leave.

Lydia’s eyes widened. “You’re living at the haus?”

“They’re staying in the dawdi haus,” Lizzie said, embarrassed by her mother’s question.

“I see.” The look in her mother’s eyes gave cause for Lizzie’s concern.

“We should go,” Esther said, and Lizzie sent her a grateful look. “It’s been a long day, and the little ones are tired.”