Belle had the disarming habit of being able to read his mind. “Can you put it into words yet?”
“No,” she answered promptly. “Luciana is wonderful. More wonderful than I could have ever hoped. So’s your father. But over these years, this need to find her has been all about me and what I want. Sitting with her on the love seat while she explained her life to me, I realized what a terrible thing I’ve done to her.”
Leon looked into those blue eyes glittering with tears. “I don’t understand.”
“She didn’t deserve to have me sweep into her world, bringing up all the pain and unhappiness she’s put behind her. No—” Belle put up her hands when he would have argued with her.
“The sister in charge warned me I could be taking a great risk in trying to find my birth mother. I thought I knew better when you told me I could meet her at dinner tonight. When I met your father, I still felt good about it. But I don’t anymore.”
Leon had to think fast. “I’m guessing the part of you that feels unlovable has taken over for the moment. You’re terrified that any more time spent with her and she’ll see all your flaws.”
Belle gripped the railing tighter. “I’m nothing like her. She’s lovely and refined. I never met anyone so gracious. She’s not the kind of person to tell you what she’s really thinking inside. She and your father have made a life together. There’s no place in it for me and there shouldn’t have to be.”
“You’re wrong about that, Belle.” If his father had his way, it wouldn’t be long before she found herself being adopted for the second time in her life.
“It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I’ve trespassed on their lives.”
“Trespassed... If you feel like that, then blame me for facilitating the meeting.”
Tears again sparkled in her eyes. “I could have decided not to go through with the plans for this evening. Of course I don’t blame you. You’ve been wonderful. You all have. I’m the one who doesn’t belong in Rimini.”
“That’s another part of you talking, the part that feels you don’t deserve this outpouring of kindness and acceptance. You’re going to have to give this time, Belle. In the past you’ve been too used to rejection from your adoptive father and brother. If you turn away now, after one meeting, you’ll be giving in to old habits. Consider your mother’s feelings.”
“She’s all I’m thinking about right now.”
“How do you imagine she’ll feel if you let your fear of rejection prevent her from really getting to know you? It works both ways.”
Belle shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Do you think she does?”
A troubled sigh escaped her lips. “I’m not sure. If she’d begged me to come with her tonight...”
Ah. “What if she was afraid to pressure you, in case you had reservations? I’m the one who mentioned your fatigue, and she grabbed on to it for an excuse, in case you didn’t feel comfortable going with them. Don’t you see?”
“I—I don’t know what I see,” Belle stammered. “I love her so much already, Leon, but I’m more anxious than ever.” Her eyes met his, full of despair and confusion.
He wasn’t immune to her pain, but he couldn’t take her in his arms again, not after he’d sworn to keep his distance.
Yesterday, when he’d drawn her against him, he’d become instantly aware of her as an alluring woman, but he’d fought those feelings. He couldn’t handle the complication of a woman in his life. Yet when they’d been at the pension, he’d reached for her again, because he couldn’t help himself. Much more of this and he would lose every bit of objectivity.
Already her presence was making chaos of the well-ordered existence he’d been putting back together since Benedetta’s death. Otherwise why would he have stepped in to suggest Belle remain under his roof tonight?
CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_177950ce-cdd8-56cf-8d01-e02dd4567aac)
BELLE LOOKED AWAY from Leon’s dark gaze, trying desperately to pull herself together. After priding herself on being able to handle her life on her own, why did she keep falling apart like this?
She should have jumped at the opportunity to go home with her mother earlier, but Leon had read her hesitation with uncanny accuracy and had offered another solution. When she’d confided her reason to him for holding back, she’d told the truth. She’d wanted to give her mother space.
But she feared there’d been another reason to stay with Leon, not so readily discernible until this moment, now that she was alone with him again. Reflecting back to that interlude in her bedroom at the pension, she was angered by her need for comfort from the last person she should have turned to.
For her to have lost control and kissed a man who still had to be grieving the loss of his wife was humiliating. It was madness.
Feigning a calm she didn’t feel, she managed to dredge up a smile. “Thank you for helping me work through my angst. Concetta is the luckiest little girl in the world to have you for her father. And like your father, you’re a virtual bulwark of strength and reason, Leon Malatesta. I’ve gotten over my jitters and can go to bed now with the hope of getting some sleep. Good night.”
Without looking at him, she left the patio and went straight to the guest bedroom, shutting the door.
A good sleep? That was hilarious.
* * *
“Signorina?”
Belle came out of the bathroom the next morning, where she’d been putting on her makeup. Earlier, Carla had brought her coffee. “Yes, Simona?”
“Signor Malatesta says to come to the rear foyer. He’s ready to drive you to the palazzo whenever you’re ready.”
“I’ll be right there. Thank you.”
She’d been up for an hour, unable to stay in bed following a restless night’s sleep. After some experimenting, she drew her hair back at the nape. In her ears she’d put on her favorite pink topaz earrings. Luciana was so elegant, Belle wanted to look her best for her mother.
This morning she’d dressed in a short-sleeved, three-piece suit of dusky pink, with a paler pink shell. Whenever she wore it to the regional meetings for her work, it garnered compliments.
When she stepped outside the door, she saw Leon in a light tan suit, fastening his daughter in the back car seat of a dark blue luxury sedan. Concetta was dressed in a blue-and-yellow sunsuit. With those dark brown eyes that saw Belle coming, she was a picture.
“Good morning, you adorable thing!”
He stood up, transferring his gaze to Belle. “Buon giorno, Arabella,” he murmured, while his eyes traveled over every inch of her. When he did that, she melted on the spot.
“Buon giorno,” she responded, sounding too American for words. “Do you mind if I sit in back with her?” During the night Belle had decided that the only safe way to be around Leon was to stay close to his daughter. It was no penance. Belle was already crazy about her.
Without waiting for an answer, she walked around to the other side and climbed in back. Rufo had already made his place on the floor at the baby’s feet. Belle rubbed his head behind his ears. He licked her hand before she turned to Concetta and fastened her own seat belt.
“How’s my little sweetie? I love those cute seashells on your top.” As she touched them, the baby smiled and reached out to pull her hair.
Leon was still looking in from the other side. Could there be such a striking man anywhere else in existence? “Like I said last night, you keep that up at your own risk.”
“After the pearls, what’s a little hair?” she teased.
He chuckled. “She’s already got her sights set on your earrings. They’re stunning on you, by the way.”
“Thank you.” Please don’t keep saying personal things like that to me.
In seconds he got behind the wheel and drove them away from the estate toward the city. This was the first time since coming to Rimini that Belle was actually able to see it through a tourist’s eyes. Until now her thoughts had been so focused on finding her mother, she’d been pretty much unobservant.
He drove her along the autostrada and played tour guide. On one side were hundreds of fabulous-looking hotels. On the other were hundreds and hundreds of colorful umbrellas set up three rows deep on the famous twelve-mile-long stretch of beach.
“It’s a sun lover’s paradise, Leon!”