Notorious: The Maddest and Baddest Sportsmen on the Planet

CARL FAZIO JNR (#litres_trial_promo)

GENNADIY TUMILOVICH (#litres_trial_promo)

JUAN MARICHAL (#litres_trial_promo)

EMPEROR TRAJAN (#litres_trial_promo)

JIM BROWN (#litres_trial_promo)

TARIBO WEST (#litres_trial_promo)

MITCH ‘BLOOD’ GREEN (#litres_trial_promo)

ALBERT BELLE (#litres_trial_promo)

LEIGH RICHMOND ROOSE (#litres_trial_promo)

ALBERTO CARLOS MARTINEZ (#litres_trial_promo)

KEN ‘FLEX’ WHEELER (#litres_trial_promo)

KEITH MURDOCH (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

Introduction (#ulink_a131392d-17f8-5cd4-8053-24579cca7649)

I vividly remember the day that this book was born. It was in the autumn of 1993 and I was editing a small rugby magazine when I received a phone call from a French journalist, who proceeded to recount the sorry demise of Armand Vaquerin. It was, quite frankly, such an unbelievable tale of wanton lunacy that I presumed that the writer in question, keen to earn a commission, had been hamming it up in the time-honoured fashion of all freelancers. In fact, quite the opposite was true, and the tale of the French prop’s premature death remains a tragically unbeatable tale of sporting excess.

I didn’t know at that stage that Vaquerin’s folly would launch this tome, but as I discussed the story with my colleague Chris Pilling, we began to chuck around the names of sporting mentalists of every hue. As the process continued over the weeks that followed, and the ranks of Vaquerin’s challengers swelled, the extent to which sport is a breeding ground for cranks, eccentrics, obsessives, and psychopaths became increasingly obvious.

Sport spawns individualists of huge self-confidence whose desire to win is so strong that they push their minds and bodies to the outer fringes of sanity. It also provides a Peter Pan environment in which there is a temporary moratorium on the need to grow up and assume the responsibilities and social norms by which the rest of the planet is governed. Crucially, success in sports like football and baseball also provides vast wealth, endless hours to fill and the sort of uncritical adulation that ensures every top sportsperson always has someone on hand to tell him or her how great they are. In such circumstances it is little wonder that some sportsmen and women come to believe that the usual rules simply do not apply. If you don’t believe that to be the case, reflect on this: a study by the US National Institute of Mental Health found that between 1988 and 1991 more than one third of sexual assaults committed on American campuses were perpetrated by students on sports scholarships, who account for less than two per cent of students.

Like all projects, this one has mutated. It started off as a quest to find the most unhinged sporting practitioners in history but morphed as it became clear that a list of 100 Vinnie Jones-style hardmen would constitute a onedimensional bore. Anyway, in the colloquial sense madness is a subjective term which encompasses everything from outrageous heroism through extreme eccentricity to profound psychological trauma. The selection of the following 100 men and women (and despite a conscious effort to spread the net across all sports, circumstances, countries and genders, these pages are dominated by Anglophone men) represents an effort to include as many sporting forms as possible of the mental short-circuiting we know as madness.

I tried to set myself some ground-rules, although readers will undoubtedly argue that I’ve included exceptions to each of my rules, and in some cases they will probably be right. I decided, for instance, that simply doing a crazy sport—sky-diving, cave-diving, drag-racing, mountain-climbing, ultra-distance running and the like—couldn’t be a sign of madness on its own. Otherwise this book would just be a collection of athletes who do remarkable things rather than athletes who are themselves remarkable. It is, I feel, a crucial distinction.

The abiding principle in compiling this list of my 100 biggest loonies is that all of the people in the following pages have either acted in a consistently irrational manner or have demonstrated that they are capable of extraordinary responses to extraordinary situations. That, I suppose, is as close to an objective definition of madness as I am willing to offer. Over and above that, all 100 of the individuals in these pages have stories that have touched me in some way, usually by prompting a macabre and wholly reprehensible freak-show fascination.

I’ve tried to be as inclusive as possible, neither dismissing individuals because their stories are so well known—Diego Maradona, Paul Gascoigne, George Best, Eric Cantona, Roy Keane, and Alex Higgins all come into that category—nor avoiding fringe figures like Rollen Stewart and Pretty Boy Shaw who exist on the very margins of sport. I was surprised, however, by the degree to which there seems to be a correlation between madness and genius. Or perhaps it’s just that the memory of crazy deeds perpetrated by sport’s colossuses lingers longer in the memory and in the archives. The other major surprise was the degree to which some unexpected sports churn out the warped and depraved, while others simply don’t. For every rugby-playing fruitcake, there are ten baseballing lunatics. As the Yanks would say, go figure.

I have also to thank those friends and colleagues who have helped me research this book or read over sections and provided feedback. Vicky Stirling deserves a medal for listening to me droning on about nutters and for providing her frank opinions on the merits of the lunatics upon whom I eventually alighted. I started off with a list of around sixty sportsmen and women who I thought would pass muster, but less than half of those made the final cut. More than twenty of the seventy nutcases I subsequently found while researching the nooks and crannies of sporting insanity were suggestions from friends and colleagues. For their input I’m truly grateful.

In particular I’d like to thank Jon Hotten, whose fascination with sport’s macabre twilight zone and whose willingness to give of his time and surprisingly deep well of knowledge was much appreciated. The following colleagues also gave up time and ideas, and deserve acknowledgement for their input: Craig Lord, Dermot Crowe, Jon Rendall, Iain Fletcher, Mark Woods, Martin Gillingham, Jeremy Hart, James Allen, James Eastham, Stuart Weir, James Hipwell, Richard Verrow, Gary Sutherland, Ciaran O’Raillaigh, Rick Weber, Mark Woods, Neil Forsyth, Rob Eyton-Jones, Gulu Ezekiel, Jonathan Dyson, Peter Roebuck, Alix Ramsay, Harry Miltner, Ivan Goldman, Neil Jameson, Phil Ball, Dan Brennan, Richard Fletcher, Stuart Cosgrove, Dominic Calder-Smith, Gregor Paul, Tom English, Alex Massie, Steve Downes, Eamon Lynch, Matt Zeysing, Michele Verroken, Bill Lothian, Alistair Hignell, Lucinda Rivers, John Huggan and Alan Pearey. My apologies to anyone I’ve missed out.

I’d also like to thank my wife Bea and beloved kids Ollie, Ailsa and Lochie,who all displayed characteristic forbearance at my continual absences during this work’s troublesome gestation. This book is for my three little nutcases.

Finally, I’d like to thank my agent Mark Stanton and my publisher Michael Doggart, without whom this book would have remained an argument between two blokes on barstools.

Richard Bath

Edinburgh

May 2006

(richardbbath@yahoo.co.uk)

PARINYA CHAROENPHOL (#ulink_655c11f3-7934-52bd-8592-8720e51d9b83)

Lady-boy killer

The Thai people might have an ambivalent attitude towards sexuality, but there’s no doubt that Thai kick boxing, or Muay Thai, is among the world’s hardest—and most masculine—of sports. That makes Parinya something of an oddity because from his first bout as a young boy aged 12 one of the most talented kick boxers in the sport’s history fought solely to get the money for a sex-change operation. As a youthful Parinya said: ‘I’ve set out to master the most masculine and lethal sport to achieve my goal of total femininity’.

As the fourth of five children of itinerant labourers, Parinya was taught to kick box by his father, who feared that his little boy—who favoured girly scrapbooks and painted nails from an early age, and spent much of his spare time with the village transsexual—would be picked upon. Although Parinya says that ‘I don’t equate femininity with weakness’, Thai kick boxing is a stoically masculine world: women are not allowed to enter a kick boxing ring, let alone fight in one.

Life was hard for Parinya, who became a monk for three years from the age of seven when his mother was jailed for illegally collecting firewood. He then survived for twelve months by wandering through villages begging alms. Throughout his youth, kick boxing was a refuge and a defence mechanism, but Parinya made his public debut aged 12 when he entered a fight in a fair because there was 500 Baht (£7.50) on offer to the winner. By the time he was 16 he had gained local notoriety, winning 20 of his 22 fights, most of them by knockout. Over the next four years he became famous for the flamboyant coup de graàce he delivered after each KO, when he would give his defeated opponent a consolation kiss as the audience roared with laughter at the sight of the humiliated loser rubbing away the lipstick. ‘The reason I kissed men after a fight is because it was my way of saying sorry,’ said a deadpan Parinya.

Parinya made his big-time debut in front of 10,000 screaming homophobes in Bangkok’s Lumpini Stadium aged 17. Wearing make-up and pink nail polish, he broke down when asked to strip for the weigh-in to prove he had the usual male accoutrements, although he was eventually allowed to climb aboard the scales wearing just black jockeys. He then promptly went out and pummelled the bejesus out of the over-confident Oven So Boonya—who had made the mistake of mocking Parinya with a camp embrace—for five bloody rounds. The end of the mismatch came when Parinya applied his trademark move, Crushing Medicine, in which he jumped in the air and brought his elbow down onto the head of the unfortunate opponent. Yet that flashy denouement hid the real secret of Parinya’s success: an adherence to the balletic rituals of the ancient sport and a daily nine-hour exercise regime which saw him go for a 10km run at dawn, followed by half an hour of rope skipping, drills of alternate slugs and kicks to a sandbag, all rounded-off by 300 sit-ups during which his coaches would pummel his belly to harden his six-pack.

The low point of Parinya’s career came in 1999, by which stage hormone therapy was beginning to have such a noticeable effect that he asked to be allowed to wear a bra when he fought. That’s when Parinya went to Tokyo and fought Kyoko Inoue, a Japanese female wrestler almost double his size, in a freak-show hybrid brawl in which the kick boxer triumphed. But then triumph was normal for Parinya throughout his five-year career as a professional fighter, a career which ended abruptly in 2000 when he had amassed enough money for an operation in which he had his genitals removed and voicebox modified.

And then he became a she, changing his name to Nong Toom and hanging up the gloves forever. Now one of Thailand’s biggest stars, Parinya/Nong was last seen earning a living as a ‘boxing cabaret artist’ and making Beautiful Boxer,a film of his/her life. (Don’t laugh, Iron Ladies, a movie about the transvestite volleyball team which won the Thai men’s championship in 1996 is still Thailand’s biggest grossing film of all time).

JOHN HOPOATE (#ulink_29c001f3-a287-50f9-888d-6605bf302579)

Finger licking bad

Mad, bad, or just dangerous to tackle? Australian rugby league hardman John Hopoate merits inclusion thanks to his predilection for slipping a rigid digit up opponents’ arses on the field of play. It happened four times—thrice against Queensland Cowboys and once against St George-Illawarra—leading to his sacking by Wests Tigers after NRL (National Rugby League) commissioner Jim Hall said that ‘in my forty-five years in rugby league, never have I come across a more disgusting act.’

Hopoate, who was caught on film inserting his finger all the way up to the knuckle, thought it was all a bit of a laugh, but then maybe he was just trying to fit in because he was playing against North Queensland Cowboys, an outfit who play in an area of the country Aussies call the Deep North, an agricultural region where men are men and sheep are petrified. Even Hopoate’s team-mates thought it was a riot: Tigers coach Terry Lamb was particularly amused after watching the video tape of the St George game. ‘Everyone had a big laugh,’ said Lamb. ‘We thought it was okay because Hoppa’s good mates with Craig [Smith, the St George captain and a victim]. We thought it was a gee-up.’

His victims, however, weren’t so impressed. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It felt like he made an attempt to stick his hand up my arse. I shit myself,’ said Smith. The Cowboys’ captain Peter Jones was also in no doubt that it wasn’t funny: ‘It wasn’t a wedgie. That’s when your pants are pulled up your arse. I think I know the difference between a wedgie and someone sticking their finger up my arse.’ A third victim, Paul Bowman, said that ‘if Hoppa was a man, he wouldn’t do this’, but Bowman’s coach Terry Hall thought it was all a storm in a teacup: ‘Things were much worse in my day: I’ve had blokes grab my family jewels, blokes gouge me, blokes pull my hair. Hoppa hasn’t hurt a bloke for Christ’s sake.’

One bloke who managed to see the funny side was Ian Roberts, one of Aussie Rugby League’s greats, who withdrew from the disciplinary panel citing ‘a conflict of interests…with three sweaty men and anal penetration it sounded like a gay party to me’. Roberts was, at that time, the League’s only openly gay player.

One other player took Hoppa’s example to heart. In 2002, the year after Hoppa’s strange behaviour first surfaced, 25-year-old Old Trinity Aussie Rules footballer Glen Hatfield was banned sine die for emulating his hero in a match against Melbourne High School Old Boys.

Since Hopoate was banned and then fired by Wests, things haven’t got better for the rogue. After finally getting back into the game, he was almost sacked by Manly after he was banned for abusing match officials, after which he was forced to issue a grovelling apology for abusing a ballboy during a match against the New Zealand Warriors in March 2005. He was finally sacked by Manly after he was banned for seventeen weeks for a sickening assault which laid out Cronulla Sharks forward Keith Galloway, almost ending Galloway’s playing days and killing the 30-year-old Hoppa’s career stone dead.

The botty-botherer is now pursuing a career in boxing but still can’t keep out of the news. Acting as a waterboy in a match between his teenage son’s Manly Cove side and the Western City Tigers in the Sydney Rugby League’s under-13 cup in 2005, he was banned from the touchline for abusing officials. According to officials, Hoppa first swore at the referee and touch judges before inviting all three outside for a ‘square-go’.

ARMAND VAQUERIN (#ulink_4fd70bc4-087d-516b-8e05-84183d0b3d2c)

One madman, one bullet

French rugby props are famously nutty, but few have taken their madness to such violent extremes. Vaquerin may have been capped twenty-six times between 1971 and 1980, and he may have won more French Cupwinners’ medals (‘Boucliers’) with the all-conquering Beziers team than any man alive, but it’s for the manner of the loose-head’s departure as much as for what he did while he was here that he will be remembered.